ex text me about 12 year old daughters dirty text messages?

[saxons_uk]

My ex wife text me last night asking me if I would have a word with my daughter , she has just turned twelve, she said that when she stayed at mine at the weekend, she was texting some boy/man late at night after I had sent her to bed, the text said things like (Are you fingering yourself and send me pics of you in your bra).
The ex wife said that she had confronted her about it, but said she just clams up and walks off. Just don't really know what to do or say, is given the number to the police a bit extreme?....tried ringing the number but getting no answer....I know that she is intitled to her privacy and the ex shouldn't really be going through her phone, confronting her in the wrong way might also make her rebound. After the horror stories of the past news events, we tend to think the worse, it might just be a young lad at school messing about, but she is on msn, twitter, facebook and bebo all the time, there is no stopping the children doing anything now days. Please advise, she is just still my little girl in a womans body.

[Ben]

If i was you i would get the police involved.

[Dawsey2k9]

Number to police because that is innappropiate for a twelve year old to be viewing or hearing. Also her phone should be removed until trust is built up again as this should be treated as a serious event...

[556]

In my opinion, 12 is way to young to be talking like that. I would have her mother talk to her (if may be awkward for her having you talk to her), and maybe even take her phone away. Who knows how old this person in, that's really scary.

She is still a child, and she is a child's body, not a woman's. She needs her innocence. If she's doing this at only 12, what will she be doing at 16?

Good luck, I know this must be difficult for you and your ex to be dealing with.

[Tim]

Get her on the pill immediately. Then just leave it be.

[K B]

If she was my daughter I would impose loss of privileges like mobile and PC use until she can prove she can be trusted. Explain that you have given her the opportunity to use these things and she has behaved like an idiot; she can either explain herself and lose her privileges for a week, or not do so and lose them indefinitely until you say its okay again.

This may sound like a childish way to treat a 12 year old, but she IS a child; its 6 years yet before she reaches adulthood. It will require determination and vigilance on your part and that of your ex to ensure the ban is enforced, but you really have to stick to it.

[~The poet~]

Get the police involved.

[female_skiba]

If my mum had found texts like these on my phone when I was 12 I'd have died... She's probably just embarrassed and that's why she doesn't want to talk about it.
All you can really do is warn her about her actions and make sure she understands what the consequences could be.

Involving police is abit drastic and would probably cause alot of friction between you and your daugther. Just talk it out and hope she listens.


After reading everyone else's response I think taking her phone/limiting pc use isn't a wise move. She's 12, she's curious... Punishing her for that doesn't seem fair.
And if you try to stop her from using her phone and the pc she'll probably just rebel anyway and may do even worse than just text these things.

Just talk to her.

[mrs_hadfield]

It is difficult. Kids need understanding. They are growing up so fast these days. The worst thing is to lecture and punish her. I think the only thing you can do really, that may work is to sit her down and explain that you obviously worry, that losing her virginity so young is not what boys want, they won't respect her for it. Infact I have know people be bullied for it. To think about whether it is harmless fun or a serious matter. There must be books about this sort of thing for her to read, about sexual feelings. Masturbation is also a way of satisfying feelings without having sexual relations with boys. I do not envy your situation. Stranger danger doesn't help much just enforces their curiousity. She needs to know you trust her. Let her know that having sex under a certain age is illegal and that the other pereson could go to prison for it, may make her think twice. Good luck .

[Lizzie]

You really need to find out how old this boy/man is because if he is only young him self than I wouldn't go to the police, children do stupid things with out thinking of the consequences etc, however if the person is older than I would defiantly have it to the police, you need to sit down and talk to your daughter, don't shout or get annoyed let her tell it exactly how she wants with out pressuring her, it must be rather embarrasing for her, if she refuses to talk then explain to her the dangers of texts like that, then warn her that if she don't start talking she will have the phone and computer taken away from her until she is ready to talk etc, good luck but dont be too hard on her other wise she will rebel and you will get no where