Do you think my boyfriends being mean? What should I do I'm so worried:(?

[Phoebe]

Do you think my boyfriend is being mean to me? What should I do!?

The other day he told me he gets mad easily recently because he thinks I don't want to be around him and things and that he thinks he's not good enough for me. He also said he knows I don't ignore him (I have a really busy life) but sometimes he worries I am. That's not the case, I adored him for ages before we got together!

The thing is he acts so different around me to before we got together, I miss how he used to be with me. He also takes pictures of me when I'm not looking so I look awful etc and then shows his friends. He quotes things I've said in past and makes fun of me a bit. Him and his mean friend have also been searching through my pictures on Facebook, sending each other them and talking about them meanly. Finally he takes the mick because of one time a creepy boy stroked my leg and my bum and I was really upset! I don't think he understands!

I really don't want him to think that I don't want to be around him and he's not good enough, I really don't want him to be upset, i want him to be so happy! But I'm losing respect and patients towards him because of his actions and some of the things he says!

We haven't spoken so much recently and he's doing those things at school. I just don't know what to do I want things to work out and us to get alog etc, and I know it's not just him (I'm awkward etc I guess and so self conscious) but I'm just not sure what to do?!

Any opinions and advice would be?! Thank you! We are 14/15 by the way and in the same friend group!

[shOrtie]

You're both too young to be dating.

[meep]

He sounds like my ex. I don't think you should be with a man like this. He sounds controlling and needy. If he takes pictures without your permission and shows people,what else is he capable of?

I say break it off with him and do you for a while.

[Finwie]

Sounds to me like he's way too insecure to be in a relationship. The insecurity is the reason why he thinks you don't want to be around him and so on.

But, being insecure isn't an excuse to act badly. You need to confront him and tell him that he needs to stop acting so mean if he wants to be with you. Relationships are hard work and he's not helping out right now.

[Randall]

RUN.
This dude is a perfect example of a low-self-esteem having abuser.
Besides, why be with a guy who doesn't keep your respect, huh?

[Ben]

Sounds to me like he's preparing his defences. What I mean by that is he sounds as if he is expecting to get the elbow any day and is using meanness as a defence mechanism. He seems to be trying to convince himself that he doesn't like you and therefore it won't hurt as much if you get rid of him.

My honest opinion is that at the age you're at, he's not properly equipped to deal with getting over the feelings he's having; so you might just be better off without him.

I promise you one thing: You're both so young that you'll get over it and be slightly wiser for the experience.

Of course if you genuinely like him and want to stay with him, then sit him down away from interference and talk to him. Find out if there is anything in particular that is making him feel like he isn't good enough. The golden rule is not to get frustrated with him if you don't agree with what he says, that will just confirm his paranoid suspicions. Try to talk to him about all the things you like/love about him and that should at least partly reassure him. Also tell him how it makes you feel when he's mean to you, and that his behaviour will be the one thing that does push you away if it doesn't improve.

Either way, best of luck!!

[Mizz]

It sounds like your boyfriend has started to act abusively towards you. He is saying he's insecure and that he thinks you don't want to be around him as a way to manipulate you so you will let him get away with this horrible behavior. I was your age when I started going out with an Ex partner of mine, not long after we got together he started acting a similar way. He started off by telling me he has "anger issues" and drew me in with the "poor me" routine, He started putting me down in public and going into rages over nothing, being really attached one minute and totally cold the next. I put up with these things and over time things escalated. By the end of our six year relationship I lost all of my self confidence, a lot of my friends and was utterly utterly devastated. Once someone crosses the line and starts treating you disrespectfully it's almost never possible for them to regain a respectful view of you and treat you in the way that you deserve. You do not have to be violent to be abusive. The statistics show that women find the verbal assaults from abusive partners even more detrimental in the long term than physical violence (Though both are equally unacceptable)

I urge you to look up verbal abuse and manipulation within relationships online and see if you really want to spend any longer with this person that seems like he really does not deserve someone like you.

Good luck, I really hope you get out of this before it gets any worse.