Severely depressed over a girl...Should I talk to her for closure?

[Tom]

I'm currently half way through my second year at uni. During the beginning of first year I met a girl in halls. Instantly, I became head over heels for her. We flirted a lot and started to booty call each other after nights out. Although she wasn't a virgin, we didn't have sex - but did everything else. She made it clear that she's not just a booty call and that we would have to do something sober for anything more to happen in terms of a relationship and/or sex. I was fine by this because I did like her so was willing to put in the effort. I organised a "date" which she cancelled. I rearranged the date and she cancelled again. I told her I didn't like the way she was messing around and that if she wasn't interested then she should just be honest. I stopped booty calling her but she continued to booty call me. I tried to find out exactly what she was looking for but she was always very vague. However, I did express my feelings for her. She would ignore my texts during the day, but booty call me during the night and as a guy, I couldn't help myself so would go over. This whole process of her cancelling dates and booty calling me kept repeating until the end of the year. Although we hooked up a number of times it was just foreplay without the sex. She was making me miserable and I felt trapped. I didn't know what to do. I really liked her, but didn't want to put my foot down in risk of losing her. She knew I liked her, she kept telling me that she did fancy me and she wanted to do something together. Eventually, I got tired of her only replying to 1 in 3 texts so I told her she cannot ignore me and then booty call me whenever it suits her. She told me she's not looking for a relationship and I thought I knew that. I wanted to talk and resolve matters but she just said she wasn't in. There was no winning with her so I told her, "Lets leave it, I can see you don't care and I've only ever been nice to you so w/e. Good luck in your exams and maybe see you around. "

A week after exams finished, she came over to me in a club to talk. We went outside and I told her how she had been making me miserable and how she had been stringing me along the whole time. She didn't want to hear any of it and ran off. All of a sudden, back inside her best friend threw a drink in my face. This ruined my night so I went home. Back at halls, I received a missed call from her, so I rang her. She said that she had never phoned me, but said that I should delete her number because she never wants to talk to me again. I just wanted to resolve the whole issue so I went to her flat to sort things out. Before I even had the chance to say anything, her friend thew another drink at me! We went outside and I lost it. I told her how I had done nothing to her and that she had done everything to me and that I thought she was a controlling, malicious person. Her friend ran up to me. I was fed up of the things she had said to me and the drinks she had poured over me so in my drunken rage, without thinking, I nudged her back. Obviously, I was wrong to do this and did feel really bad but I was also very angry and very drunk. At this point her male flatmate squared up to me and we got into a fist fight before the security guard broke it up. I was completely heartbroken. The next day she sent a text saying she was sorry about what happened the night before, but she thought she was very clear the whole time. She also said nothing else needs to said and not to text her again.

It has been 8 months since then and although we haven't talked during that time I've seen her a few times around campus and on nights out. She's smiled, but it's been more of a sinister smile than a caring one. The look on her face tells me she thinks what happened between us is funny and she knows she's gotten away with it.

A couple of months ago I received a text from her, "Hi Tom". I replied, "Hi, who is this?" (I had deleted her number). She replied with her name. Two weeks later I replied with "Whats up?" and she replied, "Who is this?"

A week ago I saw her with a guy who I can only assume is a guy she is now seeing or a new boyfriend. This has got me down even more. But basically to sum up, I can't get over what happened. Its still making me depressed after 8 months and I don't feel like I got any real closure. I don't really understand why she strung me along and why she didn't even have sex with me. I genuinely thought she was playing hard to get. Over text she was seem cold and distant, but in person, warm and affectionate. I lose sleep about it all the time and I've even considered going to the Counselling service offered by the Uni. Will talking to her help? In person, over text, Facebook? Or perhaps a friend of hers? I'm going on a year abroad next year so in 4 months time I won't ever see her again.
SORRY THIS IS LONG BUT I FELT THE NEED TO EXPLAIN EVERYTHING FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND

[Janie]

To be honest, I don't think you should talk to her again. You haven't done anything wrong in the situation except maybe giving in to her - tut tut!

This girl is messing with your head. Seriously. She is either stupid or just a horrible person! You shouldn't have to waste your time on her, nor should you have to feel bad about what happened. You should keep her number so that you can IGNORE her when she texts you. If you try and talk to her about it, she might just try to string you along again. From what I've heard from your story, you don't deserve that!

As for the the best friend. I live by a rule: If I hit someone, I expect to be hit back.
I hate this whole, not hitting girls thing! We wanted equality but then if a guy hits a girl, he gets arrested, a girl hits a guy and nothing happens! It's stupid! Plus you didn't even hit her, you nudged her, which is nothing! I would have rugby tackled the woman!

I think your best bet is to let everything go. You're going abroad, so allow yourself to be free. Forget her, forget everything that happened. It might be hard but I really don't think you should talk to her.

If it's really getting you down then I suppose you could try to Facebook her, once. If she doesn't reply then accept it as a lost cause and let it all out! Another thing would be getting back on the market - if you're not already. It might take your mind off of her!

Good luck to you Tom!