Can someone please give me advice about what's on my mind right now.?

[Tarek]

Hey guys,

So I really need some perspective because I'm trying to make some major decisions in my life.
I'm at my 2nd university after dropping out of my first one 3 years ago. I'm 2 years into this one but I keep dropping classes which brings me further and further from ever graduating. I have never been able to handle a full-course load so I haven’t actually experienced a decent summer break in years since I have to take summer school to try and keep up. It keeps costing me an insane amount of money that I can't afford and it has gotten to the point several times where I had to take personal loans from people to stay in. Everything I do in university just feels like... a waste of time. I'm not happy, even though I achieve great to alright grades I just feel like I'm missing out on life grinding to get a bachelor’s degree that I started in 2009. I'm 23 now, everyone that I see on a daily basis is much younger than I am (18 to 23 does actually make a big difference) and I don't really have any people I consider full-time friends. I see people on facebook that I graduated high school with and who I should’ve graduated with from my first university starting internships and even getting married… and well I’m still at my mom’s house (rent free), hanging out with people 4-5 years younger than me, I see some friends once in a blue moon if they’re in town, and I’m jobless and dead broke.

I've lived with my mother since 2008 but I still don't get along with her until this day and every day she just makes me feel like I’m a leach eating away at everything she has… even though I don’t ask for anything from her. I feel like absolutely shit by living off of 100-200 dollar allowances that my dad wires to me every now and then. If I could help her out financially I would.. I’ve had a hard time finding stable work for 2 years now and whatever earnings I make is eaten up by the government because of my student loans (and those that I owe money to privately). I don’t have much of a relationship with my family because they’re very conservative and that I’m never taken seriously by any of them.

I'm fed up with living a very slow moving life... it doesn't seem to be going in any particular direction and I want to change things up by possibly going to college because I know I'd find it a lot easier and it'd get me out of the house quicker. I’d also be able to find a job that I’d be able to balance with school and be able to afford tuition with my own money and to make a savings to move away. There are also co-op programs in college that can get me working and making money even sooner. However, I can't do that without feeling personally defeated because everyone I have ever brought the idea up to keep telling me that I'm too smart for college and that a degree is better. The way I’m thinking about it is that I can always finish my degree but do that on a very part-time basis after I establish myself to be self-dependent and reliant and only as a personal achievement.

My dream in life is to move somewhere far away from where I live now and to be a father – Hell I even have had my kid’s names picked out since the 8th grade. I’m perfectly fine with the idea of a comfortable middle class life making 60,000 – 70,000 a year and being married to someone who makes close to the same. I’ve had ideas of how I want my future family to be from as long as I can remember… I feel like I have to make up for the lack of fathering my own father gave me. As long as I have those things, I’d be happy working an average salary office job for awhile before saving up enough money to open up my own business. I want to get married and have kids while in my 20s because I want to be able to relate to my kids once they grow up.

In summary, I want to apply for college, find a stable job and save at least 20,000 in the next 2 years to move out of the country and find my way from there. With all the switching I’ve done in my life I don’t know how much of crap talk I’d be able to handle from family members. They will convince me that I’ve given up on myself once again… but they don’t know that everything I’m doing is to get away from here and from them. I want to step into a new life that is much different from the one I’m living now. I just want out.

Really give me perspective guys, I need it. I really appreciate anyone that reads this as getting perspective from complete strangers might prove to be more better than anything I’m hearing in my life now.

[Jenny]

Go to your school's counseling center, and set an appointment with a counselor. You sound like you need more advice than what can be offered on Yahoo! Answers. I think you really need it.

[Carlos Danger]

First of all, although it doesn't feel like it you are still very young. I was like you except add about five years. I only finished college at age 29.

As for a career, go and browse what type of jobs are out there. There are lots of possible career paths that lots of people don't even really know about.

Set some goals for yourself. Learn about time management and research career skills online. Just keep trying to find ways to improve yourself. Find exercises you like to do. Just try to stay positive and have a positive attitude, regardless of how bad things seem at the time.

I was where you are know just a few years ago. I'm 32 now. Believe me, you still have lots of time and your friends lives who you think are great really have their own problems as well, regardless of how it seems. I just went on a program of self improvement and career skills improvement. There are so many resources out there. Take time and go research job skills and productivity. I'm sure there are things in your life that you could eliminate to free up more time for that kind of research.

[magicbird]

Jenny gives a good answer--start by going to a counsellor at your school and talking about your situation. DO be careful about over-extending yourself on student loans--US student loans have proved to be a disaster for many college graduates.

AND--I know this will sound like a strange answer, but google "Codependents Anonymous," find a meeting or meetings in your area, and start going to them. They may seem strange at first, but give them a chance--at least 6 meetings before you give up on them (and the nice thing is that you never really have to 'give up' on them because CODA groups will always be there for you even if the people change because CODA, like all 12-step programs is principle-based).

Will the CODA group be able to answer your questions or resolve your dilemma? No. But the people will listen, and this is your first step towards thinking things through constructively. You don't have to sign up for anything to start attending CODA meetings or be a 'member'--just look up a CODA group in your area and go to their scheduled meeting or meetings. You have nothing to lose by doing so, so just trust me and DO IT. GO to a meeting. Regarding 'cost?' There is no cost. They just pass around a basket and ask for donations, so put $1 in the basket (or nothing, if you can't afford it). What have you got to lose? At any rate, no matter how you look at it you have to get more people in your life and CODA is an easy way to start.

[shipwreck]

Find a labor job even if it is day labor. You should finish the degree you started but you need to feel like an adult. Even if you only work weekends loading trucks you will feel more adult and have pocket change. Give your mother half your pay for room and board.

Labor is good because your mind can rest. If you don't want to do labor learn a job skill like bartender and at least work weddings or work for a catering company doing weddings as a server. They are very part time so you can stay in school.

[Richard L]

A couple of thoughts.
1. It is nice you have some plans for the future but these are all resting on getting a job and that will be difficult without a college degree.
2. Unless you have some dual citizenship or something similar you will likely not be able to move to another country unless you have pre-arranged employment in that country. Again, this will mean that you will need a college degree.
3. Depending on where you live and those costs $60,000 is probably not going to be enough to support a family when your wife has to quit working.
4. Being a dad to undo the lack of fathering you received sounds like a lofty goal but you may discover that fathering is a tougher job that you realize and once you get immersed in parenthood and then come out the other side in your 50s you may discover that your own father did a pretty good job all things considered.
5. College costs are crazy and the best thing to do is to try to minimize your loans, if possible. The worst thing to do is to keep jumping around and switching majors or schools as it just adds costs.
6. Taking summers off is nice but unless you get a career as a teacher you won't be getting summers off in your future career life.
7. A 4 years Bachelors degree is the minimum requirement for a large number of jobs these days. In my field of computers it has been the minimum requirement for the past 10 years. If you can't do the 4 year degree get at least a 2 year Associates degree.
8. You are 23 that means that you are 42-45 years from retirement. There is plenty of time to accomplish all the things on your wish list.
9. Go get a degree, a job and find a woman you love and that loves you.

Best Wishes!