Grade my SAT essay and give me feedback! 10 points?

[Mr.]

"is popular culture the strongest influence on a young person's identity?"

The (brackets) are the letters or words I have left out accidentally. Ouch!


Words cannot (describe) the extent to which people are unaware of the notion that the strongest influence on a young person's identity is creativity, not popular culture. One should not fall prey to the misconception that popular culture is the greatest influential factor on a person's identity. Hence, it can be said with utmost confidence that creativity and novelty are the strongest influences on a young person's identity. Several social and historical factor(s) verify this claim.

We need look no further than the triumph of Frank Lloyd Write's career to verify the aforementioned statement. Frank Lloyd Write was on of the most influential and prominent architect in the early 20th century. He developed a series of independent styles and his extraordinarily long career influenced the course of the novice American architecture (young people). His life revolved around the trite maxim: "imagination is everything because it is the preview of life's coming attraction". During the 1960's , the orthodoxy that houses must exhibit convencience rather than aesthetic features was widespread. The media and critics all advocated to this view. Despite this, Write's novelty and creativity was the preeminent factor that influenced the architectural identities of young architects. He marked the blue-prints of architectural identity and ripened the prosterity's self-understanding, prevailing the commonplace orthodoxy and culture.

Take as another example the play "Pygmalion" in which Bernard Shaw meticulously constructs an archetypal "gutter-snipe", Eliza: she lives on the streets of London, sells flower for a living, and speaks in an unrecognizably foul accent. Her identity was shackled and drawn to the rigid class system, which instilled "lowness" and trivialized the existence of many other low-class. She overcame the popular belief and orthodox way of thinking that a person is a slave to his or her status. Through assiduous work, Eliza elevated her status by teaching herself how to speak Ina refined manner. The unrelenting notion of class did not influence her identity because Eliza remains proud and does not let the high-class "elitists" belittle or undermine her values. Eliza's identity was not influenced by the cultured belief, and eventually achieved unparalleled heights of success.

Finally, it is apparent that popular culture influence modern teenagers: how they think, what they value, and what they believe in. Nevertheless, popular culture has yet to undermine our creative instincts that are idiosyncratic to all man.

An indisputable reality of life is that popular culture is a trivial influential factor compared with the components of the "core": moral, creativity, and belief. In final analysis, creativity and in(n)ate beliefs are the sparks that ignite the engines of individuality.

[Young Achievers]

I understand what you are trying to say but the way you have formed your sentences is a bit confusing. Also your argument was not convincing especially since at the end you more or less supported the statement "Finally, it is apparent that popular culture influence modern teenagers"
May be you should revise the essay.

You wrote: Words cannot (describe) the extent to which people are unaware of the notion that the strongest influence on a young person's identity is creativity, not popular culture. One should not fall prey to the misconception that popular culture is the greatest influential factor on a person's identity. Hence, it can be said with utmost confidence that creativity and novelty are the strongest influences on a young person's identity. Several social and historical factor(s) verify this claim.

Suggested revision:
One should not fall prey to the misconception that popular culture is the greatest influential factor on a person's identity. It can be said with utmost confidence that creativity and novelty are the strongest influences on a young person's identity. Words cannot (describe) the extent to which people are unaware of the notion that the strongest influence on a young person's identity is creativity, not popular culture. Several social and historical factor(s) verify this claim.
(Two of the sentences seem redundant but I wanted to leave the essay as close to your original as possible)

Take a closer look at the rest of your essay. I would have given you a C- (60%).

[SumDude]

The first paragraph sounds like a bunch of b/s. Other writings flaws* .... and I think you mis-understand what is meant by one's "identity."

*how do you know words cannot describe ....

Bonus help for you: WRIGHT