This Japanese girl seemed really interested..now she's not replying. Why and what should I do?

[Scott]

I'm living in Japan now and figured the people here might know the answer to this type of thing. I met a girl on Friday afternoon at a social event at the local college who seemed very interested. She approached me, twice at that, to start conversations. She even outright said I was handsome towards the start of the second one. Before getting her number, I asked if she wanted to go out to eat somewhere. She said sure, and I got her number from her. We had no time for Facebook, so I texted it to her later that night as promised. She responded saying thanks and, with no prompting from me, said it would be good if we met again. So far, it's great right?

I sent her a text on Sunday night asking if she is free Friday for dinner at a new restaurant. I'm in Japan, and apparently Japanese almost always text unless there's an emergency or something needing immediate attention.

Despite all the seemingly good signs, it's now the morning of the third day since trying to contact and zero reply from her. What happened? What do I do?

I'm thinking of shooting another text this afternoon, saying I'm going to a certain restaurant on Friday and if she wants to go, to meet at a certain place at a certain time (more specific than Sunday's message). If she shows up, great. If she doesn't, then I go anyway to a favorite restaurant of mine with friendly, chatty waiters always striking up conversations with me. What do you think?

[Mark]

It's not that she's a Japanese girl. It's that she's a girl, full stop. Trying to work out what a woman is thinking has beaten the greatest minds of our time. We'll cure all known and unknown diseases before we crack the female psyche :-)

The reason for her not replying could be one of about ten thousand different things, many of which have nothing to do with you. I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

It could also be a language thing: are you texting one another in English? If so, she might have misunderstood something in your message. Or if it's in Japanese, you might have misconstrued something in hers. It can make the difference between getting a call back and not getting one.

Also, when a Japanese girl calls you "handsome" it is rarely a come-on. It's polite conversation mixed with a little on-the-spot flirting. The bit about "it would be good if we met again" (in Japanese this would almost certainly be また会いましょう, "let's meet again") is often a generic comment rather than a specific statement. It's like "see you around sometime".

Your reaction is understandable, but I wouldn't read much into anything that happened. I'd just go out without her. If she does eventually contact you, you could play it cool ("hey, you had your chance, sorry") or do whatever seems appropriate. You could send another text, but I doubt that there will be much different of an outcome.

Just keep your options open and see how things pan out.

[薄紅。]

Indeed, oftentimes Japanese girls can come off as a bit more friendly than they are actually meaning to convey. However, if you are good with signals and felt this was simply more than her just being friendly, as in it's something she'll say to most foreign men she meets, then you may have something.

Don't be afraid to message her again. Truthfully, the fact that she hasn't responded is not a good sign, but there is a chance something happened too. Be sure to voice your concerns without being too pressing. If you don't hear back or only rarely do, this is the message that she is probably busy, and also not interested in a romantic relationship. Happens all the time.

Also, how are you contacting her? LINE, a cell phone app, is a texting app that almost certainly everyone with a smartphone in Japan uses to communicate. It is because actual calls are pretty expensive; even texting through your service provider costs.

If you do go to this restaurant without her responding, a good chance she won't come at all.

Good luck, brah. You're like a shiny pokemon over there, so you'll have plenty of more chances.

[thecheapest902]

It could happen for anyone. Girls are capricious. Guys are capricious. Many people are capricious.

[Vinegar Taster]

No reply usually means not interested. If a Japanese girl is really interested in you, she will give you her time.
Maybe she's just busy... It's possible she was just being friendly.
Shoot another text & see what happens. If no reply, move on. There's a lot of Japanese girls who would like to meet a nice guy.

[Never-Again]

There is often a thick veneer with dealing with Japanese - she might not want to give a flat no, but doesn't want to let you down either. You could text her that you know this great place, and you'd like to know if she is free. If she responds, then fine. If not, then you haven't wasted any money and you have a clear answer - move on. Don't waste any time of your life waiting for the phone to ring or for someone who might show up. Live your life already.