Am I depressed? or...?

[Hailey]

i'm sorry for this very long post, but I'm just so tired and lost, I need help... ( sorry for my bad english btw )

I'm a sixteen years old girl. I've always been a negative person, a loner, with a low self-esteem. I always was shy and tried to avoid going out with friends or by myself as much as I could, leading to a non-existent social life outside school. I am also someome who stress a lot and work extremely hard for school: studying takes a lot of place in my daily life. I am a perfectionnist. Lately, I have been pushing myself a lot and stressing like crazy for all the exams before winter break. And when everything was done and I was on break, I just became very lethargic. I'm always waking up past 1p.m. I'm staying in my bed all day and I'm too lazy to shower and sometimes I'm starving myself because I am to lazy to make myself something to eat. I have always been a lazy person and did this from times to times, but I feel like this is getting worst. And then at night, I can't sleep before 3 a.m and wake up many times during the night, but waking up like this has always happened to me though. I can sleep for 10 hours or sleep for 1hour and I can't seem to see any differences, I'm always exhausted. I'm becoming more and more irritated by my family, so I avoid them as much as possible. I never had a really strong bond with them, being affectionnate or talking often to them anyways. And since I don't have close friends, I'm pretty much alone. During this time of the year, I'm kinda excited for christmas and the new year, but this time I felt absolutely indifferent, I would have rather stayed in my bed alone at home instead. But once there with every one, It's like if I was forgetting how miserable I am for a brief instant, I didn't show anything. I tried to make some new years resolutions like I always do each year but I had no motivation and felt like it was useless since my life will always be sad and boring. I have a lot of work to do before school starts but I just can't find the motivation to do it and can't focus well anyways. I feel very lonley, sad and I also cry more often, but it doesnt last for long, because I'm telling myself that I'm a drama queen who just needs attention. But I can't take it anymore, I don't know what I have and how I'm gonna go back to school. I have those ephemere moments where I'm "happy" and feel ambitious about changing my life, but they never last more than an hour and then everything goes back to normal as I realize how hopeless my situation is, and I become lethargic again. I could try to go out, get some sun and talk to people to get out from all of this but I just don't have the strenght and the motivation for it. And anyways, I have no one to talk to because I don't have real friends and I'm not close to my parents, they wouldn't understand. I thought about suicide or cutting a few times but I'm not brave enough and I am too lazy. I don't know if i thought about it just to get some pity.

What is going on? Am I depressed? I mean, being blue, negative, lazy, all of that it has always been in my nature since I grew up, but I have the impression that this has been getting kinda worst for the past few years, when school started becoming more demanding, and especially since last week. I don't live anymore. But I am a drama queen and a hypochondriac as well. Do I just need attention or am tired because of school, or is this depression?

I need help, I can't take it anymore, I'm pathetic.
I forgot to mention that I have headaches quite often, something I didn't really had before.

[Swpz]

Well everyone is different but when I was going though my anxiety I felt in many ways similar to that. I never was out in the sun so consequently I lost vitamin D and that led to me having no energy/motivation.

In my opinion I think you should go see your primary. Considering you are sixteen you are probably better off not mentioning it to your parents and getting to the dr another way.. maybe a sprain.. Im not one for lying but I don't know what your situation is like. Mental health is very imporant and even vitamin d can throw it off.

Ask to see the dr alone then let him know everything you are feeling and afterwords share with your parents. Unfortunately i think it's easy to shrug off a sixteen yr old's complaints .. but a second opinion might be in your favor.

Good luck and pray.. if you dont ask for help then how can your ears be open to God's answer. I'll be praying for you.

[Celeste.]

You are not pathetic. You are depressed. Depression is a chemical reaction. Yes, mention it to your parents. I am sure they would prefer to know this. If you are having suicidal thoughts, they can control your access to knives, medication, etc. You and I sound very similar. I told my mom about my depression two years ago and have been in therapy ever since. It has worked wonders for me. If you can't afford that, go to my facebook page Let's Talk and ask for admin BCD. I will help you. I will get you through this.