What do you think about this now?

[Terra]

People said my story was too simple to add to it so I tried revising it. I ended up changing everything.

Kylie is a week away from being eighteen and about to graduate high school. She’s a smart mouth and doesn’t take crap from anyone. She just broke up with her boyfriend of six months a couple weeks ago because he was cheating on her with her best friend.

She and a couple of her friends go to a tattoo shop to get piercings and that’s where she meets Aiden. He’s twenty-one, the youngest of the four brothers. They run the tattoo shop together and even live within walking distance of each other.

Kylie’s parents are totally against the idea of Kylie and Aiden so in order for her to see him she has to sneak around and lie to them. A week before graduation, she finds out she’s pregnant. Her father is so furious that he kicks her out of the house for disobeying him.

Originally the idea was this:

Kylie is twenty-one years old and stuck in the same town she grew up in. She wasn’t able to go to college so she started working at the bar serving drinks. She still lives with her mother but it’s more out of obligation to a promise she made her father before he died. She promised her father that she would help her mother with the bills and her little sister who is sixteen.

One night at work a guy is harassing her and someone steps in stopping him, that’s how she meets Aiden Palmer.

Aiden is twenty-three with three brothers. The four brothers are extremely close and run a tattoo shop together. They still live in the same house they grew up in. Aiden and Kylie start talking. When Scotty gets in an accident, he even turns to Kylie for support.

I'm more into the love story type thing than mysteries or anything else. I like the love stories that seem more realistic than the ones that seem to have the whole world against them, sorry.

[Pranay]

I liked the earlier one more than this. And if you believe in the story yourself, you should write it rather than changing it because someone else didn't like it.
About the story, The premise is set up, but the story depends on how it goes further. I would like to read your story as it progresses....


You can follow or interact with me at:
https://twitter.com/the_pranx_says

[Tiki]

I like the original better! I think it could use one work, like some more details of course. Also, I like plot twists a lot, so maybe a big plot twist would spice up your simple story. Good luck!