Husband work colleague?

[TRish]

My husband lives away from home thru the week. We have two school going children therefore we did not relocate with him. This is a temporary measure (for about a year).

He has made plenty of friends since he has moved to the new town. I know he socialises with his work colleagues frequently through the week (I have no issue with this).

What concerns me is that one of the women he works with texts him quite frequently. She ends some of these texts with an X. I did not look through his phone for this. Apparently she has a new boyfriend who also works at the same company. My husband continually talks about this woman and her past to me when he is back at home for the weekend. He also checks her facebook account regularly. I am confused and frankly upset about all of this.

I have told my husband how this makes me feel and he has reassured me that he would never cheat.

He also thinks I am jealous because of his friendship with this woman. He has never offered for me to meet any of these new friends

Is this normal within a marriage, for a husband to behave like this?
I also work full time and earn significantly more than my hubby so he is most certainly not providing for me
I did suggest that we relocate there too which he seemed unhappy about initially but now he seems to think its not such a bad idea. Unfortunately, my job is genuinely too good to leave. I feel as if he is also fixated by her, they are the same age, apparently share common interests and have lots of "fun" poking fun at each other. I explored with hubby what he would feel if I suddenly had new male friends whom he had never met and continually spoke about them and if they were texting me. Hubby said the X means nothing (apparently all women do this to their male friends (i dont))
I know that he looks at her facebook continually as he looks at it before he goes to sleep in bed. I have sneaked a peak when he was laying in bed on his facebook on his phone - he thought I was sleeping. Interestingly, he now deletes his internet history - all of the time. I had seen a search for "good sex positions". I know for sure that this is new behaviour. Hubby texts me everyday to say that he "loves me"
Hubby also mentioned that new female friend wanted to chat to me on the phone (about our relationship!) i politely declined and was extremely upset
any further advice out there?
You say its an affair? do you mean an emotional affair? or a sexual relationship?
Do any of you constitute this behaviour as an affair? and what should I do about it? Thank you

[Kathy]

Sadly it's not that uncommon but you are not wrong to be concerned. You husband should only be communicating with this woman at work unless it is work related. They are both taking away precious time that he should be spending with his family.

[Charlie]

yeah its obvious since she ends her texts with a letter like "x" that means theyre totally fcking all the time.

youre overreacting and insecure. be appreciative you have a husband providing for you.

[tea ali]

It's common. Doesn't always mean it's appropriate.

[Craig]

No, it is not. Your husband is behaving in an irresponcible way. You should have relocated to the new town with him. Like you say, it's only a year. But how long does it take for an immature man to get tempted? I do not mean to scare you but your husband seems fixated with this woman. Going into her facebook...c'mom! No. Your hubby should be doing things that strengthens your marriage in this time apart. Text and Facebook communications with another does not strengthen a marriage. I wonder what hubby would say if all of a sudden you announced that you and the kids are moving to the town?

[Kurt]

I have said this a thousand times. If you don't trust your husband, regardless of whether or not he deserves it, why are you married to him?

[LittleMsHelpfl]

You are not overreacting, Trish. Not at all. I do not think it is appropriate at all for him to be texting this woman frequently! He spends all of his professional time with this group of people, which is the way it is - great. I'm sure that puts a toll on the relationship as it is. But, when he is home, I feel it is disrespectful and ultimately unacceptable to carry on with her in such a way. How do you know that he is looking at her Facebook page? Does he do this in front of you? If so, could he be playing a game to make you jealous perhaps? Otherwise, maybe he has a thing for her. I wouldn't make accusations, I'd ask him to be upfront and honest about all of the things that you mentioned here.

Also, he is excluding you from these new friends of his. I can not think of any reason why he would think that is constructive if he is trying to reassure you that he's a loving husband who would never cheat. Introducing you could not only include you in this social circle, but offer you reassurance.

I do not know if it is normal, but that is not really important. Your needs being addressed and acknowledged are what is important right now.

(& no, as a female and frequent texter, I know nothing of this X!)

[l8tr g8tr]

Take a day off work and you and the children pay him a surprise visit for lunch at work! Then maybe dinner with him later...you know, a little family time.

[---]

To be frank, a spouse's primary allegiance is ALWAYS to their partner. Any extended, flirtatious, romantic or otherwise inappropriate relationship with someone else IS an affair. Your husband is cheating on you is A) YOU find it inappropriate (within reason, obviously, but you have GOOD reason here) and B) he hides his behaviour in any way (which indicates that he KNOWS it is an affair).

Moreover, him accusing you of irrationality or jealousy when you voice LEGITIMATE concerns IS EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION. If my partner mentioned something about my behaviour that he found concerning, I would bend over backwards to reassure him.

I'm sorry, but your husband is ALREADY cheating on you.

Edit: To me, emotional and sexual affairs are equally bad. However, you may disagree. He is most definitely having an emotional affair, and given how much unaccounted time he has and how secretive he is being, I wouldn't be at all surprised to find out it was also sexual.

[Claire]

I don't think you are overreacting regarding this issue. The circumstances which you have described in your question is cent percent correct. So there are definite reasons for you to worry. I suggest you to talk to your husband very clearly regarding this issue and then decide the future.