believe my husbands word or hers?

[Lilly D]

I received emails from a strange woman my fiance dated right before we got married. She was telling me that he was cheating on me with her and that he'd been in her bed a week before. She went on to say he cheated on her as well, once a cheated always a cheater. I wrote back telling her to back off and she wrote back going on about how when he broke up with her he just ended things and didnt communicate with her and even though she has now moved on it's a hurt she will never forget. THen she's like, bottom line he was in my bed that night.

My fiance denies that he has had anything to do with her. He said their relationship was brief, not serious and was basically a series of dates and yes they had sex. He said she became obsessed with him, would email, text, call all the time. She would show up at his work also trying to get him back. HE never told me about her. He was like, why would I tell you i dated someone like this would you have wanted to date me? He showed me some past emails from 2010/11 where she was begging for him back and he was telling her to move on. He said for the most part he didnt respond to her. One email was her telling him how she wasnt acting like herself, she had to get counselling, then realized she had thyroid issues and that's why she was acting so nuts. There was also an email from her to him asking about me and telling him she thought he'd end up with someone more glamourous than myself. There's also an email from her wishing him a life of misery...she also showed up at his work in 2012 which he did not tell me about!

I am angry he didnt tell me about this, but i can kind of see why he didnt. He never thought she'd be emailing me. I just dont know why someone would make such things up. He said she obviously wants to ruin our relationship and does not want to see him happy with anyone else. This all happened 8 months ago and we never heard from her again. He says he hadnt even heard from her around the time she emailed me...I have never had anything like this happen. FOr a while i was ok..then this week i felt upset about it again. He gets mad when i bring it up now. He tells me it's over and done with, we've talked about it. I almost feel obsessed with her now. I want to know who this person is (she has nothing on social media). It's all so unsettling. I just still cant believe I have to think about this.
I have become paranoid (I think from reading the internet) that he has this seperate life when he's not with me or something. It's terrible. I just cant imagine why this person would make these things up. HE says it's to get back at him for how he treated her.
I just wish i had proof that it absolutely did not happen. I don't. My husband was working that night, that's really the only 'proof' i have.

[Blundt Cake]

What a ridiculous, insane question.
Do you believe the man you married, some some random skank he slept with years ago?
Seriously???

[Rebecca]

Honestly I think "your" man is lying. Think about it from her perspective why all of the sudden would she pop up out of the woodwork? If she was crazy ..truly crazy he would 100% have told you as he would have expected something like this. I had an actual crazy ex who I filed a protection order against. Since crazy people are just that crazy, I made a point to let my new guy know as I expected him to show up the second he knew I had someone new. I would ask your guy to take a polygraph and see what his reaction is!

[Sing2!]

Are you still seeking what to do with this? Did you write her back yet and ask her to send you proof of leave you the hell alone? You have two options here: you can either keep obsessing about this and letting it affect your mind and your relationship or you can say screw if, it happened before we were married and now we are married and happy and I'm going to let it go and actually LET IT GO!!!!

[Cynthia]

Why ruin your happiness? It was a past relationship with a crazy lady, sometimes you cant tell what your getting into. As for the internet, its full of lies anyone knows that.

[bunnyONE]

So you went ahead and married the guy with this very nagging doubt? REALLY? -And NOW you're worried about it 8 months later? REALLY?

It happened. He lied. She probably is (kindly speaking) off "kilter". Sad. What will you achieve by trying to find her?

You already know the worst part: He probably cheated while you two were engaged. He lied about it.

So you're married to someone you can never trust...This is what you get for not following your "gut" and postponing the wedding dear...As in EXTENDING the engagement until you KNEW more about it.

I can see why you can't rest...Who could? -The to do due diligence however, has pasted and now you're stuck with, well, perhaps a liar, for the rest of your life.

Grace

[..?]

I'm gonna tell you my perspective if i were you, i will not believe what he said, if she is all out for a revenge it was all on HIM this you must remember that because the root cause to all this is not you it is HIM. Eventhough you have doubt if she was telling the truth, i'm telling you that no matter how she lied with her story there are some what 80% to 90% of it was the truth meanwhile your man's word will be 0% truth. And no matter how much he tells you there WILL BE something that he is Not Telling.
If you and her can manage to get along and be friends, guess who's gonna be scare the 5h1t out of it?
I've been in your place and no matter how many things he told me, there are always things he kept to himself. And this other woman was rude to me when i asked politely just to be friend, guess what? She has now got her karma and now seeking for help and that I think i can help but too bad she doesn't sees it earlier.
It's an unfortunate, wife and mistress can actually help each other through their experience but they choose not to.

[Charlie]

Sorry, but your guy has not been completely truthful to you. This is why you are feeling these things - doubt, paranoia, etc. It's awful, it's hell, it's what happens when somebody lies to you.

[obedientsquirrel874]

Do you have any reason to doubt him? I is there the possibility he was in her bed for 1 week without you noticing? Has he been acting distant or staying out late??? I'd take him at his word unless you sense something is wrong. If your gut says something is wrong then it is. I don't believe in spying but if you have to check his phone occassionaly, emails. If you really have to put a tracker on his phone and see if he lies about where he is . I know women can be sneaky and vindictive though. Trust your gut, but if I had doubt in my hubby I'd check his phone. BUT remember when you are looking for things that might come off wrong then you will find them. Don't drive yourself nuts.

[ballooner]

Some women are insane like that. I'd trust your husband on this one. Sounds like she's a stalker and trying to get you out of the picture. Stay strong in your relationship!