My ex gf of 1 year transferred to a new university, i don't want her back yet feel like crying, why?

[Mathias...Yes Sirr!]

This is actually ridiculous, like i have actually made a pact with myself to never open up my heart to another girl again. I now understand why people have guards up now, i didn't understand that before but now i do, i know understand why alot of guys just want to sleep with girls minus the feelings now. I fully understand now.

I'm 20 and me and my ex had been together for 1 year, we met at the start of both our university experiences, after 2 weeks in fact which is when we met. For the whole year we were inseperable travelled to Egypt and Paris and honestly believed we were soulmates.

We broke up just before Christmas, we had been having loads of arguments over little things, she kept breaking up with me then apologising the next day saying she overreacted etc. It got to the point when even i was getting fed up of the constant arguments and fights we were having over little things. I never once considered fully breaking up though because i loved her and thought these were just bumps along the road to happiness. We had our last argument mid December, she said if i don't earn more than her by the time we get married she won't marry me, i disagreed and said what does money have to do with marriage, i didn't even get angry or raise my voice we were just debating at that point. It then escalated afterwards when she wanted to cuddle as normal and i wasn't in the mood after what she said so was just lying on the other side of the bed. She then got angry and dumped me, blocked me on everything possible aswell facebook, messanger etc.

She then reached out after 2 weeks of no contact asking how i was coping, to which i didn;t respond as i was still trying to get over it. She messaged me a week after that trying to sell me her gym membership. At the time i was feeling fine and over it so i responded, i needed the membership anyway so bought it of her. But i was curious as to why she was selling it as she is a gym freak, when i asked her she ignored the question and said it's none of my business.

At the time i had a slight suspicion she had changed university but thought that's a bit dramatic but then i thought it's not something i would put past her, because she's the type to act drastically on an emotional whim. Anyway so today i notice on her facebook profile that she wrote a message to her housemates who she was living with, that she is going to come back and visit meaning she moved out. To be honest although she started university a year ago she changed course this september, and even said she wanted to leave the university as she hadn't made any real friends. She decided to stay though as she didn't want to leave me.

Now i have found out i don't know how i feel, before i was contemplating the possibility that she had left and was thinking it's a good thing as i will never run into her and she can perhaps start a new life somewhere else as she only really had me in terms of friends at our university. But now it is 100% confirmed i feel like crying, like she has gone now forever to a new place far away. I never once have felt like i wanted her back or wanted to see or call her, when she wanted to be friends i said i wasn't interested because she kept asking for gifts she got me back so i was just done being friendly and said stop contacting me. But now that's it's 100% confirmed i just feel sad, should i reach out to her and speak to her even though i don't really even want to but maybe it will settle this feeling i'm having. It's not like we are even in the same city any more so maybe me reaching out isn't even worth the effort or time. I honestly just feel so sad right now and i don't know why when i'm 100% certain i don't want her back, the relationship near the end was just terrible. But the fact she has moved uni still hurts. Why?

[Bentley]

After my divorce, I was 100% sure it was the right thing and I did not want to go back, but I grieved the relationship. I grieved all the hopes and dreams that I had for my marriage. It was a very sad time.