My brother wishes to change gender, what do I do?

[Ellen]

My brother is 21 years old and is in his first year of college. He has cerebral palsy and has suffered with depression throughout his life. He has suffered with depression due to not loving himself or his body but this is only due to have a severe limp on his left leg. He does not have many friends but uses twitter endlessly and yesterday he posted on twitter how he meant to change his gender. I was immediately upset and shocked as he has had girlfriends (only online) and never showed any signs of gender dysphoria. I rang him immediately asking him to explain and he said it had nothing to do with sexual preference just that it would make him feel better. He does not have many social skills and has close to none face to face contact with people nor has he had any real life experience as he is always on his twitter so he makes decisions without thinking of consequences. Having known him for so long I know he does not want this but rather I feel he wants to try and escape his cerebral palsy but In reality this would only make things much harder for him. How do I make him realise that he is too young and inexperienced to make such a dramatic life decision? I do not have a problem with transgender people and I even asked if he was gay to which he replied "I am straight but if I were to change genders my preference would then be towards men" which sounds completely ridiculous because he has never had a relationship with a man. Please help.

[Vulgarsheet776]

Had you considered you might be wrong about this whole thing?

It's not really up to you to do anything; it's between your sibling and their therapist. Try to keep in mind that transition (aka "sex change") is not something done over night. Transition is a long, expensive, medically monitored process that takes YEARS to accomplish. Therapists are not going to approve anyone for transition that isn't truly transsexual to begin with.

Have some faith in the system and your sibling.

By the way transsexual people don't gender gender, they change their body to match their gender.

A primer:

http://forum.beginninglifeforums.com/ind...f9681a5e6/
.

[Emily]

Changing your gender takes years. For now, just love and support him. If he dresses as a girl then call her she. I think he needs to do whatever he feels comfortable with.

[Thea]

Listen to Clones. She's right. This is not something in your power to change, and even if you could, you shouldn't. The argument that your sibling used to date girls and thus can't be transgendered is a fallacy. A lot of transsexuals go through a denying phase because they think they can block out their true feelings and emotions. Turns out blocking out only makes it worse over time. Also, it makes perfect sense that your sibling says they are straight and still find men attractive, because their gender identity is female.

The best thing you can do is to be there for your sibling, and at least try to respect and honor their wishes and feelings instead of thinking that this is wrong.

[Petra]

I have known a transsexual woman with cerebral palsy. She is living a happy life now post-op. Transsexualism has nothing to do with cerebral palsy or any other medical condition, nor anything to do with sexual orientation. The thing your sibling most needs is support. The fact that you have not observed signs of gender dysphoria also doesn't mean anything. We are very good at keeping things to ourselves and suffering in silence, often for decades. In the beforetime I had no friends, I was withdrawn and shutdown, so in a sense you could say life didn't really touch me and from your perspective I could be described as inexperienced with life, yet I transitioned and now live a rich and fulfilled life.

Be there for your sibling. There is a process to go through before one can be diagnises as transsexual. Trust that process and your sibling. If your sibling truly is female in terms of gender identity then trying to change her will only make things worse for her.

Tina is talking nonsense when she says the rest of us are incorrect. No amount of hormones or rearranging body parts can change your inbuilt gender identity. Gender is in the brain, the rest of the body gets changed to match that gender identity.

[Lily R]

Gender identity dysphoria can show its signs at any age past 3 years old as that is the age your gender identity develops so he definitely isn't inexperienced here.

By the way I wouldn't worry about him making this huge life changing decision on a whim, you can't just go to the Doctors and say "Hey I won't a sex change". It is a medical condition that first must be diagnosed, which will have to be done via a gender therapist. The gender therapist will not push his decision but help guide him through to the decision that is right for him, whether that means not transitioning or transitioning.

To add, sexual orientation and gender identity are not connected, just like a cis woman can be a lesbian, a trans woman can be a lebian.

Your brother also sounds an awful lot like me, I lacked social skills, spent a lot of time online escaping real life and I had very few real life friends and I was depressed. This was solely due to my deep disconnect between my mind or body, socialising as a male never came naturally to me, being male just isn't who I am supposed to be and therefore I was a shell of a person who secluded myself, just had an online life where I could be the person I truly wanted to be. It was only when I finally came out I began to come more into myself, leave my depression, develop better social skills and get more motivation. I'm 21 years old and I only started university in September (when I was 20) this was because prior to then i didn't have the motivation to go through university due to my dysphoria regarding my gender. I actually came out at 15 however for 5 years I'd hit a brick wall in my transition which caused me to seclude myself again and go back into depression.

I knew I should be a girl since I was 9 years old, I started my online life at 13, I started indulging my feminine side more at 14 and at 15 I finally came out. 18 I started seeing a gender professional, at 20 I started hormones and now at 21 my clinic is getting ready to discuss whether or not I should go forward for surgery. As you can see this is long drawn out process. It doesn't get rushed.

My suggestion is you should support your brother through this and if he does turn out being your sister, to accept him for who he is.

His reclusive lifestyle could very well be because of his gender dysphoria and I know cos I went through the same reclusive lifestyle.

[The Green Machine]

Im transgender and it sounds like he is either transgender or fantasizing. Talk to him but don't reject him at all. Tell him you will be there and if he wants to talk about it you will listen. I should say that when I came out at 15 I like girls but now im 17 and 6 months on hormones and like boys. However sexual orientation is more fluid than people think. Like im bisexual but lean more towards men. However him saying he likes men now all of a sudden sounds a bit strange. My sexual orientation changed over 2 years, not overnight. But for real talk more to him and see if he wants therapy because in any case even gender dysphonia therapy is the first step. Also make sure he isn't fantasizing about it because I can tell you changing genders is hard, costs lots and can put a toll on the person who is changing. I actually rushed into mine and then took time to think if I wanted to go through all the hardships and potential rejection. I did. I lost friends and some family but I gained happiness.