If you had ex's FB password and knew he was cheating on current GF, would you warn her?

[TheScorpio]

Apologies, this is a long post but you need the background here... Thanks for reading.

I was with my ex for 7 years, in which he cheated with strippers, randoms, friends of mine anyone really. i found out about 8 people, no doubt there were more, I only had evidence of 8 so thats all he admitted to. He manipulated me into moving in with him, away from family or any support system and stupidly I fell for it and paid the price. He was lovely at first then used to go out for days at a time, turn off his phone and make excuses when he got back days later. He went off for 5 days once. No sign, his family were furious needless to say. I even caught him once as I was taking a bus journey and pulled up next to his car, with another woman in the passenger seat.. I got off and caught them parked on a side road, smoking. His face when he saw me!! He said she was a uni buddy and they were going to the cinema, I was such an emotional wreck sat this loin rand had nowhere else to go that when I asked him to not go, he told me to go home and that he was taking her anyway as they were friends. If I had said anything he would have kicked me out. thats the power he had by making me dependant on him. Thank goodness I was able to pull myself together and leave him.

I found out he was cheating as he left his Facebook on once and I also had his email, so was able to see his password whenever he changed it. I also installed a key logger on his computer after he lied about deleting his online sex profiles. I confronted him every time I found something and always said I knew because he left his facebook on... I just didn't tell him it was only once and he never realised that he wasn't constantly leaving it on. Stupid Ass. Anyway, after finding out from a friend of his, he was cheating AGAIN, I decided enough was enough and I started looking for somewhere else to live. Never told him, so he had no idea that I wasn't as stupid as I looked. He carried on cheating and I kept quiet for years, let him thick he was getting away with it.

Eventually, I found a place and decided to let him know I knew everything and was leaving him, he cried, begged, turned up at my door all times of the night and tried to make me feel that I would not find anyone as good as him. Well I am in a happy relationship, expecting my first baby and starting my degree in Politics, philosophy and Economics (I think I would make an excellent spy of sorts

Sorry it's taken so long to get to the point here but here it is... A mutual friend has told me that he is spreading false rumours about me to his new girlfriend, who is a lovely woman by the way (and getting herself into loads of family problems by being with him as she is asian, he isn't.). Curiosity got the better of me and I checked his Facebook to see what he had been saying. I found messages to numerous women/ girls including he slept with,while with me and is is obvious he is playing her now too. There was an argument on there with his new gf, where he is accusing her of talking to other men and has apparently taken her phone. This is how he got me. I was so focused on proving my innocence that i didn't realise he was manipulating me to cover his own tracks.

I have met this lady and she is lovely, was very civil to me and we got on although I never expect to become friends. She is putting herself on the line here with him and he is cheating on her now too. I would have given anything to not have wasted so much on this waste of space and wish someone had been able to warn me about him. I know it isn't my place to say anything but I can't sit back and watch him ruin another woman's life. I'm fighting the urge to send her his password so she can see for herself. What would you do? Sit back and watch her ruin herself or give her a chance to make a decision??

Thanks guys
Thanks for your answers, I know it isn't my place to say and I wouldn't do it to spite my ex, I just feel for the woman. I can see where she is heading and I would have loved someone to warn me so I didn't waste my time, but thats just me.
I don't know how to reply to messages on here but to the user gurlbecomeswoooman...

I was in the wrong for checking his messages, fully agreed but curiosity got the better of me and I wanted to see what he had been saying about me to our mutual friends before I accuse him or ask him to stop.
My current partner was the first person I asked and knows that I have checked my ex's messages and understands the reasoning behind it, although he doesn't agree with me doing it. I can't really let my ex 'go' completely as I am Godmother to his baby nephew and close to his sister and mother because of this (and times they looked after me while I was with him). However I am romantically over him and happy with my new partner and my new little one on the way

It's a shame I will have to sit back and allow this to happen, but I agree with everyone on this post so far who has said to keep out of it. I would love to be able to let her know without hurting anyone but tha
that's not the case here. it will cause problems for everyone involved and involve others too. I have decided to keep out of it but I hope she will remain strong and not end up in the position I was in. He will get his karma back.
Thanks for your answers and happy new year x

[Orla C]

No. I would stay well out of it. He's your ex, what he gets up to now is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Leave well alone.

[James]

If I hated my ex yes I would

[Samantha Defferary]

unfortunately people have to sometimes find out the hard way.

if you tell her all sorts of things could go wrong.
your ex would hate you become a stalker maybe, more abusive etc.
the woman might not believe you, might think you are jealous ....etc
sorry but you should just ignore everything to do with your ex.

[dSolver]

Is the new gf of him involved in your life... or are they bad mouthing about you with the people in your circle? if so inform her in a casual way that things are not good.

Otherwise, no need to do anything, not even bother to check your Ex's FB.

Or, are you jealous ??? If so, prefer to live your life... do not bother him.. note that you are Ex too for him .

[Purple Sugar]

explai to her softly and if she doesn't listen to you show her the password and let her see herself..

[gurlbecomeswoooman]

TheScorpio, I understand your concerns and appreciate a woman like you who is committed to sisterhood. You and I would be very good friends, especially given the Scorpio aspect of your existence. But I hope you will accept a bit of sisterhood from me here.

I agree with Orla C; Please stay out of this. You came here to this forum to ask us for guidance, right? That means we will give it freely. ;-) This woman has not (yet) asked you for guidance, therefore, giving it may accelerate a myriad of consequences you cannot even begin to anticipate. I mean this with the best of intentions: You knew exactly what your ex was doing and yet you took a great deal of time (years) to walk away from the dynamic. Therefore, it is unlikely that you would be saving her any trouble/heartache and it is possible that she may need to come to her own conclusions. Please do not underestimate her intelligence/intuition by assuming that she cannot discern things for herself. If she should come directly to you to ask for your impressions, then you may be justified sharing YOUR experience. Also, for all you know, this could be the relationship which sees him mend his ways down the line. We all have the power to grow and change, right?

What are the legal implications of your continuous access to someone's personal account? Have you thought about that and how it could affect your life?

And what about your current relationship? Why not focus your attention on that love and the blessing of becoming a new Mommy instead of giving energy to this womanizer who did not appreciate you and your devotion to him in the past? How would your current partner feel knowing that you are actually concerned about the inner workings of your ex-partner's lifestyle? How would YOU feel if your current partner was getting into the business of those from past relationships instead of focusing 100% on you (and himself)?

Last, please consider taking some reflective time to examine yourself and your true intentions. While it seems that you are truly a caring person and only want to do the next right thing in front of you, I wonder if you are being completely honest with yourself. Perhaps it would be helpful to let go of your ex if you want to have a healthy relationship with your current partner. As of today, you may be choosing to hang on in your own special way. Let Go.