Nervous, Paranoid, Possible Cheating?

[Sarah Nolan]

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years now, and juts recently, we have both started back to college, have full time jobs, and don't see each other as often as i'd like. I'm not usually this paranoid, but i've been getting the idea that he may be cheating on me, or talking to someone without me knowing.

He has never cheated on anyone before, and he has been honest with me for the past 3 years. Although, he got a new Iphone this past year and has had it for quite a few months. I have never been on the phone and don't know his password. Also, he recently changed his Facebook password without letting me know (Yes I was trying to snoop, I know how bad that looks...) and I can't figure out why.

I want to confront him about it without seeming crazy. What should I do? What should I ask him? We've never had problems like this before and I really don't know if i'm right, or just a bad feeling... Please help.

[Alfred]

first a and foremost if you don't trust him you shouldn't be in the relationship. trust is key, it's everything. if you have this feeling its prob just nothing, or prob just everything. but if you truly love your boyfriend ideas like this would never come into your head.
trust is the most important thing in a relationship and if you have doubts and don't trust him, there really isn't any way you love this guy.

so maybe your best bet is re-evaluate your entire relationship.

[Brian]

You really don't trust him deep inside and that's horrible. No trust means there's no love either. I sense this from the way you wrote your question.

I think at this point your best bet would be to start looking around for someone you can get to know and trust, and when you think you've found him call it quits with this guy you're with now. You're a pretty gal so I'm sure you won't have any trouble

Good luck.

[Sathyajith]

just ask the same question (exactly same question with same details) to him. You will find the right answer.

[Arc Light]

Hi Sarah,

After 3 years you know his behavior, patterns and movements quite well, but you're basing your suspicions solely on his Passwords to his FB account and Iphone.

The big issue here is that if you DIRECTLY question him about it and he's done nothing wrong, that may cause a firestorm which will either weaken or end your relationship (especially when he learns you were "snooping"). However, if he is hiding something you'll need and want to know why.

Distance apart and minimal time spent together doesn't help either because it compounds you're suspicions even further

I suggest that before you do something you may regret later, is to look for any changes in the way he treats you or his behavior. I don't mean if he wants 3 ice cubes in his drink now when he always wanted only 2.

There may come the time when you can simply ask him to see his FB page and/or want to use his Locked phone in such ways to obtain the Passwords. Be forewarned. That move may cause him to wonder why you're asking, if you haven't done so before.

Personally, I don't believe he's cheating on you in any way, but to satisfy yourself and remove the concerns you have, just casually ask him stealthy questions regarding the status of your present relationship over the next several weeks. Be discrete! There is absolutely NO reason to lose a loving and caring 3-year relationship over a Password!

Hope that helps.....Good luck!!!!

Add to: You're a very intelligent young woman Sarah, and have provided excellent answers here. Now, if someone else asked the same question you did, how would you advise them? Apply the same intellect in your case as you would to someone else.