How Can I Get Her Back Into My Life?

[TheMJThriller2009]

This is probably going to turn into a long story, so please bear with me here.

Well, I've known this girl since I was about five years old. We were best friends in elementary school and had HUGE crushes on each other. However, after third grade, I moved away. We lost contact with each other for over ten years. I never forgot about her though, and I searched for her online as much as I could. I never could find her....until one day this past July. It was a total coincidence, but I found her on this one site called MeetMe (I think it used to be known as MyYearbook). I messaged her and found out that she remembered me as well. We hit it off right away.

A few days later, she drove the 45 minutes to come and visit me. My old feelings for her had already returned by that time, and I know she was feeling them as well. There was a slight problem with all of that though. She already had a boyfriend....except he was currently in jail. In the beginning, we hid our feelings from each other. That didn't last long though. A few weeks into our re-connection, we kissed. Things started to fall naturally into place. Both of us were the happiest we've ever been.

However, she was too afraid to breakup with her boyfriend. She had never broken up with someone before, and she was also afraid that he wouldn't be able to handle it. She was afraid that, if she were to breakup with him, he would spiral back downhill the moment that he got out of jail. Now, you must realize that every one of this girl's friends and family members hates this guy. Throughout the course of their entire relationship, all of us close to her were trying to get her to leave him. She felt that she had to stay with him though...in order for him to change his life around. She wanted to "fix" him essentially.

Finally, after three entire months of us sneaking around everyone's backs and having her put of breaking up with the other guy, she and I were finally going to be together. She decided that she did feel obligated to be with the guy in jail and was finally going to breakup with him a few days after he got out (which was the 5th of September). Everything was finally starting to look up.

Then she started becoming super distant. No longer did we text constantly, we never Skype nightly anymore (which became our tradition and would last for hours), and she basically fell off the face of the earth for a few days. I instantly knew something was up. I texted her and asked her what was going on, and she replied that she felt things were changing between us. I didn't understand this, so I expressed my confusion. This led into a giant fight...which lasted for days.

Now, a very close friend of mine had known all about what was going on between the girl and me. This friend also knew that girl's ex-boyfriend had just gotten out of jail days ago. So, my friend went on his Facebook page and saw that he was posting daily status updates about my girlfriend and how they were having so much fun finally being together again. His profile also listed that he was still in a relationship. Once I heard this news, I immediately called my girlfriend and asked her what was going on between them. She had promised me that she was going to have absolutely no contact with him whatsoever once they were finished. Well, she started breaking down on the phone. She kept calling herself a "horrible person" and saying that she "ruined everything between us." I asked her if she had slept with him...and she replied that she had. This girl is very sexually motivated, so I knew that it had been more than a one time thing. She then went on to say that, once he got out, she realized that she still had feelings for him and that he never got to fight for their relationship. I called bullshit on that, because she had just told me a few days ago that she no longer loved this guy and was always unhappy with their relationship. But she denied that. I became pissed off, and we fought until I hung up on her. I was sick of hearing excuses.

Now comes the funny part. Her boyfriend messages me over Facebook (for some stupid reason) and we begin talking. Both of us find out that she had been lying to us since the start. She was especially lying about what had happened between the two of us. She told him that we were simply a "fling" and that she never loved me at all. This I know was untrue. Just a week prior to that, she was sitting on my dorm room bed telling me that she loved me and that we were going to get married and all this other stuff. She called us "soulmates."
Story continued:

Well, after this guy kept bugging me saying that she was continuing to mess with his head, I got pissed and told him off (in a polite way). I told him that I didn't care what happened between them anymore and that I was sick of the drama and stress in my life. He has not contacted me since, and I have not heard from either of them in weeks.

However, I don't want to be cut out of this girl's life. Her friendship means the world to me, and I know that she isn't this person she currently is. Something is going on in her life that she won't tell anyone about. All I want to do is help her and be there for her again. I miss her everyday. And, yes, I do still love her in ways. But I'm trying to put that aside. I just don't want to lose contact with her for another ten years or more...

[Danielle]

:O Did you know this is the first story on here that has made me cry? OMG! WOW! Well I would set up a date between you and the guy where you could all meat up. He would make her go but act like it's a date or whatever. then once you have discussed it decide what you are going to do about it together. I feel sorry for you and no man should be treated like a piece of shit. Don't worry. It will all be okay. xxxxxxx Hope it all gets better for you soon! xxxxxxx

Danielle

[lorene]

Give her some space after the break-up.The harder you try the situation become more worse and she will definetly walk away. If she says she needs some time, respect her decision. Do not call her every minute of the day.

Don`t ever try to beg her. This is one common thing many people tries but failed to get their girl back. Even if you are actually desperate to win her back, do not turn clingy.

You can present her all over again with flowers, chocolates and letters. But while the gifts can draw a smile, winning her back will require a more personal and sincere efforts.

Make her feel that you are worthy of a second chance. Use the time you have spent apart since the break-up to reflect this.

Think again your qualities that attracts her towards you. Play up your strengths. Become the man she first fell for.

You should figure out what exactly went wrong with your relationship. Think in your head the conversations, and even fights, you had.

After you get to know what went wrong in your relationship, call her for a meet or try to talk to her. You can even take help from your mutual friends in this to arrange a meet for both of you.

When she does agree to a conversation, humbly apologize for your all wrong doings and take responsibility for your actions. Here comes an important step, don`t just stop at sorry, convince her all the way and make her realise that your relationship deserves a second chance.

Do not, however, force the reconciliation. Show her how much you want to be with her. Let everything else fall back into place.Assure her that you will completely respect her decision. Remember, once again you shouldn`t force her at any cost.

Use the above tips, decide your action plan and have guts to show her that you actually loved her very much. She will be definetly yours. Good Luck. Have faith in yourself of making everything right and back into its place.