I am really unhappy in my relationship but I can't leave?

[Lily]

Hi, I've been in a relationship with my fiancée for 4 years, I am 23 and he is 38 and a single dad of 2 kids.
For the past year I have been deathly unhappy in the relationship.
He has become unreasonably controlling over the past 2 years, I'll give you some examples.

He wouldn't let me go to my families Christmas meetup or go to any events without him.
He made me close my Facebook account and sell my iPhone because he doesn't like to see me spending so much time talking to my friends and accused me of cheating on him with every one and even sent them texts asking if I was engaging in sexual activities in them.
Also because I posted a picture on Facebook and one of my friends told me I looked pretty.

He sets out what I should wear every morning and made me get rid of any clothes he deemed too revealing because he said I'd only wear them to impress others and he doesn't like other people looking at his girl.

He demands sex from me every night even if I feel ill and accuses me of cheating and not wanting him if I say I just don't feel like it.
I go to college, and he makes me text him at every break and if I fail to do so he accuses me of having sex with one of my classmates and not valuing him.

I tried to leave him in the summer but within a week of me leaving him he OD'd on sleeping pills and had to have his stomach pumped and tells me if I ever cheat on him or leave him he'll do it again and then his children will have no Father and I will have to live with that.

I DO love him but I am so unhappy and feel so trapped.
How do I leave him without him doing something crazy because I don't think I could live with myself if that happened.

Please excuse my spelling, I hate typing on library computers.

[Natalia]

First, I am sorry you are going through this. You should never feel inferior to your significant other and/or have to deal with so many cheating accusations, take charge!! Just because he is your fiance, you are your own person. If you are truly not happy with your situation you should have the control to change it.

It angers me that he is threatening you to stay with him. No one should EVER do that. If he truly cared for you, he would accept that you are unhappy in the relationship and allow you to move on. I would advise you to love yourself first. Don't stay in the relationship because he has threatened you or because it is just what you are used to. YOU control your own happiness. Talk to others around you like family and friends. You mentioned you were in college, I'm sure there's bundles of counselors you can confide in. You are not alone!!

[Sue]

Those you do not let die, do not let you live. It's you or him or REAL good counselling.

[sacredclay]

When a person constantly accuse another of cheating, it's usually to cover up their own indiscreet affairs.
You are not in a healthy relationship. What he's doing is classic behavior of an emotionally abusive person that probably will become physical abuse. He's making you feel that everything is your fault, especially with the overdose of pills. That's a classic control ploy. You need more help than anyone could give you advice on. Simply put, leave him and refuse all contact with him. You are realizing that this is not a healthy relationship. Neither is it normal. Neither do you have to put up with it. Contact your local battered woman shelter. They are trained to help people like you in this situation. Good luck.

[ladyren]

Nope, you don't love this guy... you love what you WISH he were and what you WANT him to be, and he is none of those, nor can he ever be. He a control freak.

Get some counseling... you truly need it. A session or two ought to help you see that.

This is an unbalanced man, and he is using threats and guilt to keep you around.

In a sentence, RUN.

[oogabooga37]

Leave the manipulative creep! Don't extend the misery. You are not responsible for his well-being, so if he wants to end his life that's his choice. It's certainly no way to maintain a healthy relationship.

[Mello]

I have been through this myself, but I got out, it wasn't easy, cause he tried to emotionally black mail me, he threatened to beat up my family members, he was emotionally abusive, and he made me close down my face book page , while he had two pages one under his first name and one under his middle name, I sent him a picture one day and he told me my pants were too tight and I needed to get rid of them and wear baggy shirts, I couldn't be myself around him , it was like I was a puppet... let me give you some advice, I had to call an abuse number and talk to them, they had to tell me I was being abused, cause I knew I was, but I tried to overlook it because I loved him. GET OUT NOW, It will never improve its only going to get worse, Please if you don't have any children with him, leave now, if you are afraid to leave or tell him you are leaving do it when he is gone, don't tell him ,cause he could get physically abusive and hurt you. The minute someone keeps you from visiting your family, that is the first sign that they have plans to control every aspect of your life, your family is your protection, get away from him and get back to your family as soon as possible. Oh and by the way if he tells you he is going to kill himself if you leave, just remember that is not your fault, and don't let him guilt trip you into feeling sorry for him cause he will.

[Jessica]

First off, Thank GOD you do not have kids with him!!!!!!
It's harder to get out that way. I had an abusive live in boyfriend at 17 and I was with him till I was 22.. I was not allowed to leave the house or see my family.. I was working 6 hrs a week 3 hrs a night 2x and he said that was too much. When I left.. I left with the clothing on my back and nothing more. If he does something hurtful to himself, then it's his problem.. those kids must have other family? I would contact your local police dept. and fill them in on your concerns like a pre-planning for after you leave...But when you tell them.. Make sure your EMPHASIS is on the safety and well being for the children, NOT for him. Keep it simple.. and remember...
#1 you CANNOT stay with someone because you feel guilty!
#2 they are NOT your kids!
#3 you cannot live like that...NOBODY should!
Good luck, and God bless!

[Another Crone]

So he has his stomach pumped again and then, since he is a father of two minor children, he will likely be entered into a counseling program.

None of that is your responsibility anymore. You are not his third child he's having an inappropriate relationship with. You are a single woman who has spent enough of your time with him.

He's doing some pretty crazy things right now, dear! He's doing crazy things while you are at his side, of course he's likely to do crazy things when you are not. Again, none of that is your responsibility.

Enough of your time, enough of your energies, enough. He'll be fine once he realizes that you are no longer available. So far, you keep proving to him that you are.

[PK]

Why can't you leave?

You're just a kid and he's a middle aged man with two kids of his own.

Call your Mom and ask if you can move home.

Get thee to college young lady!