Do you think I have a right to feel hurt?

[Dahlia]

*I'm sorry this is long, but I really need some advice*

This happened a couple of months ago, but my boyfriend and I were discussing the girl that was involved. Then I started remembering everything that had happened, and I got so angry. I never got an apology for this, and that's why I got so angry. Here's the story, please tell me if you think I have a right to feel hurt..

So anyway, a couple of months ago, I was on Facebook and I was browsing different profiles. As I was doing this I stumbled upon my boyfriend's ex's page. I clicked on it, I looked at a few things she had posted recently and moved on, because I don't really care.

Now the next day or maybe a couple days later my boyfriend had sent me a link to a YouTube video. I clicked it and surprisingly, it had been one that his ex had posted the day before. So I decided to ask him where he found that video. And he just said that it was in his recommended section. Now I knew he was lying because it couldn't have been just a coincidence. So I told him he was lying and that I knew someone sent it to him. He just acted as if I were crazy. We started fighting about it, he tried to be a smarta*s about it, and listed a bunch of names of his friends, asking if they were the ones that sent it. All but his ex. He called me names and made me feel like crap, for "accusing him". He then dumped me because I didn't trust him.

The next day we were texting and arguing more. I was begging for him back, basically, and I think that's why I was blinded of what was really going on. A couple days later, he sent me a text. Pretty much saying that he had been talking to his ex and she did send him the video. Just as I had thought. The thing is, he lied to me, called me names and treated me like crap because I was accusing him. But it turns out he was indeed lying. I was so hurt, even though I knew what was going on, he admitting to it made it hurt much worse.

He had been talking with his ex, because he thought she needed a friend because her boyfriend dumped her while she was pregnant. His ex pretty much treated him like crap, but then he threw me aside to support her. I was devastated. We didn't talk for a few days. But for some reason I still wanted him back even though he did this. After a few days, we talked and he said he would tell her that they shouldn't talk anymore. But a day or so after that, he told me he wouldn't do that to her. Once again, he made me feel like a horrible person, because he said.."her situation is much worse than ours". I can't remember what else happened...but after about a week and a half we got back together.

I know he couldn't have been physically cheating because she now lives in another state than us. Somehow at that time I moved on from it all. I guess I was blinded by love. But last night as we were discussing that girl (we were talking about pregnancy), I remembered everything that happened. And for some reason I can't understand why at that time, I begged for him back and forgave him like that. We started arguing last night, and he says he won't agree with me and that I don't have a reason to feel hurt. But I think I deserve an apology.

Thoughts?
I'm not looking for attention at all. I just feel like I deserve an apology.

[john]

Lol, what did he do? (The answer is nothing.) You clearly overreacted to something stupid and should let it go.

[Ben]

"This happened a couple of months ago,"

Stop. If you are still creating drama over something that happened months ago, you aren't looking for anything but attention.

You shouldn't be interacting with your ex, you shouldn't be seeking affirmation or any ego boost from other people.

You might want to seek help for confidence issues.

[Shanley]

You have a right to feel upset, but it's in the past. It's best to let it go, rather than stress over something that has already occurred.

[Rebecca]

He has hurt you, simple as. You deserve to at least receive an apology from him. Whether he understands how you're hurt or not, he should still apologise to you. Never feel second best, for any reason, it'll drive you nuts. Hope this helped

[Jeramy G]

Well... ugh..
A. You were obviously being nosey don't downplay it.
B. You have the right to feel whatever way you want.
If your hurt by it, than your hurt by it.
C. If he feels like its innocent, try to hear him out, and see his side but that also requires him trying to hear you out and seeing where your coming from. No arguments. Just conversations.
Have yourself in his shoes an his self in your shoes hypothetically.
D. It sounds like he has limited respect for you and you need to have self respect. Don't stand up to him and get angry. Leave him and say he can talk to her all he wants now.
He does owe it to you to respect that your not comfortable with him and his ex talking. I mean does she really need him? I'm sure she has other friends. What's he doing that her friends can't that's helping her situation.
If you don't like it, he should respect it and if he doesnt, stand up for yourself and leave him.. I get its hard at first, but he'll miss you and come Back.

[Lexie Perplexie]

Wow, he doesn't deserve you. (A) it was plausible that someone would have had that video in recommended if he had been regularly watching her videos while dating; (b) you don't trust him; © you are too immature to not respect when someone has a mature relationship with an ex; (d) you can't have a mature relationship if you cannot leave the past in the past; (e) you also aren't mature enough to ask for your needs WHEN you need it; (f) if your needs truly aren't being met, you aren't mature enough to leave.

I don't mean to say that he has acted perfectly (he so hasn't) but nobody does in any relationship. The important part is learning from mistakes and moving on. If you can't move on, you shouldn't be there - whether that's because of not getting what you need or because you are too immature to do so. Neither of you deserve that.

So stop creating drama and focus on what's real. If there's nothin real there, go find it elsewhere.

[Claire]

I think you had a right to feel hurt. HAD. Everyone still feels sad about some things. I still am upset about something that happened in the 5th grade, but I'm over it. I just think "Man I wish that hadn't of happened but oh well." So move on, and forget him! He's not worth it. You should just tell him, "We're done, there are no more second chances now." He's not good for you if he always makes you feel bad. You guys have gone back and forth so much that you need to just stop. Maybe in a year or two you guys would be good for each other, if you guys both change.