I want my ex who dumped me to beg just so i can have the satisfaction of saying too late, why?

[Mathias...Yes Sirr!]

I think i have finally come to grips with this now which i think is crucial to my recovery from this breakup. Me and my ex were together for a year, we are both 20, love birds, soulmates all of that stuff. We used to just tell eachother how sure we were that we would be together forever, we went to Paris after 2 months and then on another holiday to Turkey 2 months later. We truly were loved up and inseperable, we did everything together, spoke every day 4/5 times a day without fail, if we wasn't on the phone we was texting eachother so it was properly intense. I mean it may sound like we was both clingy but i don't think it was that, we just enjoyed eachother's company.

Fast forward to now 5 weeks after she broke up with me and i think i have finally come to grips with the situation. My ex didn't exactly treat me like crap and cheat on me or anything but she did used to treat me as if i could be replaced easily. When we would have small arguments or disagreements she would break up with me only to apologise the next day saying she didn't mean it.This happened on average every week for the last 2 months of our relationship. She would often say there are loads of guys out there who can treat her better than me etc and just used to act is if i was expendable. She often used to say that when she met me she had options as loads of guys were trying to date her and how if it wasn't me it would have been someone else etc. I'm a pretty laid back and mellow guy so i never got angry or upset i would always just take things light heartedly but looking back some of the things that used to go on were not right. The whole reason we broke up in the first place was because she said in the future if i don't earn more she won't marry me, i didn't agree, didn't get angry either just stated that love means more and you collate salaries so why should it matter. She wanted to cuddle after saying this and i wasn't in the mood so was just on my phone, she then got extremely angry broke up with me, insulted me, saying she's on a different intelligence level to me, saying i'm immature saying were not compatible anymore etc. After dumping me she then blocked me on everything possible, facebook, whatsapp etc.

I went through the trenches of emotions in the first week, i never wanted her back or missed her but the way she blocked me and cut of contact, deleted all our pictures of facebook within a day got to me. She said when she dumped me she wants no contact for 6 weeks but messaged after 2 weeks of no contact saying she feels ready to speak to me and wants to see how i'm coping. At the time i didn't reply but i genuinely just thought this was her trying to get me back as she has done multiple times before, I think i made myself believe that so i could feel wanted and like i was worth something. We were together for a year and she just got rid of me just like that, i ignored that thinking she wanted me back when in actuality i was just fooling myself. She was probably just over the break up, two weeks and she's over a 1 year relationship, i mean if she really was going through it like i was she wouldn't be saying she's over it so quickly. She even, said i should try and speak to someone about the break up as it helps, at the time i thought she was just taking the pi$$ when in actuality she was just over the situation and probably was trying to advice me in regards to getting over her.
CONTINUED------Like the last messages we sent to eachother were heated, she kept messaging me so i just told her to stop contacting me. She kept probing as to why, i should let my feelings out etc and i was just like leave me alone, stop contacting me as i don't want to be friends. She kept prompting me as to why not etc, is it because she is an ex or her personality. I said it's because your personality is terrible, after this she went of on me, said i was she never regretted leaving me, is glad, should have left sooner, i'm fat and immature. Said no respectable female unless they are as crazy as her will want me etc. When she said this i honestly just replied that's great now leave me alone and just played it off as if i was laughing etc and not truly affected in the messages but it did hurt. I told a friend the situation and he said she clearly wants you back. But i don't think so, i think i was just super sensitive, that's why i thought every little thi
........thing she did was her trying to get me back. She really only got nasty after i said her personality was terrible, i don't even want her back. All this time i have just wanted her to want me again like she has in the past when she's dumped me, just so i can say too late. The fact she just dashed me to the side and moved on doesn't fill me with too much self worth. Even before she got nasty when i said her personality was terrible she was just saying she just wanted to find out if i took the break up well as she cares, a clear indication that she doesn't want me back. 1 year didn't mean jack i guess. Why do i feel like this, i feel like i have finally come to grips with the fact that she doesn't want me anymore, but still why do i even care when i don't even want her back. When i look back on our relationship i just see it as complete hell, so why do i even want her to beg for me back?

[Vamp]

When a break-up happens, particularly if you are the person dumped, it is a rejection. What is worse, the thing being rejected is you in the most fundamental way. The rejection is all tied up with our feelings of self-worth.

You are aware that the break is actually the right thing. Even so, there are a lot of feelings to be worked through. Feelings of anger, feelings of regret. This takes time and the amount of time varies from person-to-person. She might be over it in 2 weeks. For you it is taking a lot longer. You are not ready to be friends with her whatever she feels. You still need to be ignoring her, not talking to her and not having contact with her.

Now the reason she wants to keep talking to you is actually very similar to the reason you want her to beg to come back. You both want your feelings to be validated by the other person. In your case, you want her to recognise, and express to you, what a wonderful person you are. You want her to realise what she has lost. You want her to recognise that you are the person in the right. Partly you want to hurt her as you have been hurt. It is a very natural feeling, and most people go through this stage when getting over a break-up.

None of this is likely to happen (and it is probably a good thing that doesn't). Logically, you realise that but then we are not talking logic here, we are talking emotion.

If she messages you, delete the messages unread. Stay away from her as much as you can - and that includes social media. Be positive in that you are going to choose when you are ready (if you ever are) to talk to her or be friends. Don't let that be her decision or under her control.

Remember that the longer you poke at the remnants of your relationship, the longer it will take you get over it. Really, there isn't anything about what happened that needs to be discussed - it is too late; you can't change the past. Likewise, she gave up her right to care for you (and to be seen to care for you) when she split with you. She has no "right" to talk to you, and you have no "duty" to respond to her.

Best wishes.