I think I may have Bipolar Disorder or BPD?

[Audrey]

Hi. For the past two or three years, I have had symptoms of both Bipolar disorder and Borderline Personality disorder. I am 14. Sometimes, my highs and lows cycles within moments like BPD. But, most of the time, I have feeling of mania or depression that last for a few weeks respectively. Could I have both? However, my main question is this:
How can I tell my parents? I went to the doctor for depression a few years back, which resulted in a hospital visit and à few therapy sessions. They could not have acted more inconvenienced. So I am scared to tell them this.

Also, if I'm not too depressed to do anything or manic as hell, I feel... numb.

Also, a few other things REALLY scare me... like, when I'm depressed, I would kill myself if I had the energy to do it. And I would do drugs/alcohol if I didn't fear getinng caught...

Any help would be appreciated.

-Audri

[The Bipolar Bear]

Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder causing the sufferer to have mania or hypomania and depression. The mood swings are weeks and months long realistically but need to last at least 2 weeks to be diagnosed.

I developed it at 14 and was diagnosed at 18. I go through weeks and months of being depressed, feeling suicidal, hopeless and worthless, going days without leaving bed, never washing or dressing or eating. Trying to kill myself and hurt myself. Sleeping over 18 hours a day and only getting up for the toilet and even then one day i went the whole day without doing that as i was too depressed to get up. Then ill switch into hypomania and i am the complete opposite. Stay up all night for days and days or get like 3 hours a night and am NEVER tired, completely full of energy and confidence. Reckless and impulsive.I will sleep with strangers, steal and shoplift, spend every penny i have on anything, i've spent £2000 in ONE day before, drinking every day, doing drugs or all of the above. I think i can do anything I want and do not care about the consequences. Aggressive and have fits of rage, i once trashed my mums apartment and tore her front door down. Nothing is going fast enough for me. My body can't keep up with me and i am full of ideas. My thoughts race and i talk a million miles an hour. I have no control over my behavior or anything i say. In my last mania i tried to trampoline a moving car and then once i hit full mania I also hear voices telling me to kill myself and harm others and have hallucinations and delusions like thinking i am immortal or that i am Jesus and that i can fly off buildings that lead me to be a danger to myself and end up with me in hospital.

Bipolar moods are more than emotional highs and lows or being angry at people or snapping at people, its mania and depression, and when you are in either state you are in it for weeks and months on end and your mood doesn't change at all then after however long you switch to normal or the opposite state.

Bipolar is not at all just having mood swings or being 'moody', its a severe life long disorder that can make you a danger to yourself and others and end up with you being in hospital to protect yourself or others. Mood swings are where your mood goes happy to sad and it steadily dips and goes down during the day. It is in no shape or form bipolar. You never become a danger to yourself and your mood changes DAILY not in weeks and months and are not severe.

Its unlikely you have bipolar, your behavior isn't extreme enough and i did drugs and alcohol and was so manic i didn't care if i got caught or not, i even drank a bottle of vodka infront of a doctor and even if you did it isn't diagnosed till at least age 18 unless you've had a hospital stay or section. Same for BPD, you cannot get a diagnosis under 18 without a hospital stay. I've been looked at for both disorders and i really doubt you have either. Wait a few years and if you still feel the same see a doctor. Its normal for your age to have mood swings.

[Autumn]

Hi Audrey. You say that your symptoms began 2-3 years ago, when you were 11 or 12. This sweetie was when you started going through puberty and your adolescence began.

Before the internet and easy access to child and adolescent mental health services [CAMHS] dramatic teenage mood swings, wanting to die and experimenting with drugs and alcohol was all perfectly normal not a mental health problem.

There is no need for normal psychological and behavioural patterns of adolescence to be treated by experts as it's an essential part of your character development. Almost overnight you go from being a sweet little girl who loves her mummy and daddy to raging with hormones and being furious with the world and stuck with parents who don't understand you. You don't understand you.

You suddenly get a body that boys are interested in and boys are no longer disgusting but attractive. You go to sleep and wake up with breasts or hips or stretch marks or acne while at the same time you're meant to be up to date on fashion, gossip, music and who is seeing whom. What idiot puts exams in the middle of all this hell?

I never, ever want to experience adolescence again. It's like you're meant to act responsibly like an adult, you develop the body of an adult but emotionally you're more confused and in need of help than ever. Before this began you had no worries except homework and negotiating your bedtime. Ever feel the need to scream, punch a wall or secretly wish you could ask your mum for a cuddle?

Your parents do want to help but you've got to explain how you feel and ask for that 'cuddle'. They don't know how to approach you as everything they do is wrong and vice versa. Leave them a note as you leave for school explaining to them that being a teenager is a lot tougher than you expected and you're not coping with it very well by yourself. Invite them back into your life.

You can also confide in a teacher you like as well a school counsellor, if you have one. No-one will freak out or tell anyone what you say as they have been teenagers themselves and watch hundreds go through it every year.

The key to fighting emotional problems is to have a good support network that has your back. Friends are there for you but letting some adults into your life so that you can see them and just say it's one of those weeks and have a good cry really does help.

I had one teacher, amongst a few, who was a great support to me. She did simple things such as a smile in the corridor or calling me by pet names in private as well as listening to my problems, she helped me survive adolescence, bullying and abuse at home without even knowing about most of it. She cared.

Please don't read up on any other mental illnesses and try and self diagnose. You've seen a therapist and was discharged and you can't hide disorders such as bipolar or BPD. You wouldn't need to tell your parents that you had either mental illness they would already know.

It doesn't sound that reassuring but you are going through the worst of it and things will improve from now on. Try not to shut yourself away with your thoughts and avoid tumblr, flickr and similar social networking sites if possible. Facebook alone has been proven to lower people's mood and cause depression. There is a lot of self diagnosis and pictures of people cutting themselves on sites aimed at young people. It will only make you feel worse.

Exercise is proven to help you feel more relaxed and happy. Your body is pumping out the hormone adrenaline which causes rage, anger, anxiety, agitation and gives you energy excessive which combined with other hormones can make you feel 'manic'. Endorphins produced from exercising will make you feel much happier, relaxed, calm and sleep like a baby. Anything that gets your heart rate up such as dancing or riding a bike will do it.

If your family doesn't eat together suggest dinner or a takeaway together once a week or cook yourself and surprise everyone. Help your family start being a family that supports each other. Your parents haven't suddenly grown horns!

Best wishes sweetheart, A x [a former teenager and recent foster parent of one]