Help w/ My girlfriends obsession?

[Travis]

My girlfriend of 6 years has recently developed this strong obsession for some British actors. Every time I bring this up as a problem or an issue I'm having she gets über pissed and defensive & we only temporarily resolve this much larger issue.
The other thing thats got me worried is she has acquired some new female friends in London who share this same obsession and she has been telling me that she wants to go there alone on her own trip w/out me (what's weird is that whenever its brought up, she ALWAYS emphasises that she wants to go on the trip ALONE).
I'm ok with her having her own experiences, but in this instance there are ALOT of red flags going off in my head!
1.). Why does she want to go to a country to meet friends w/out me?
2.). Is going alone just an excuse to cheat on me w/ someone she possibly met online?
2a.). I bring this ? Up cause a few months back I found a video in her gmail inbox (I wasn't snooping I was looking for an old email that she sent me that I had deleted and needed to get again), but I found a video of this dude, who resided in the UK, well he was jerking off for her and telling her things about himself, idk I couldn't finish it.

I don't know what to do or even think here! I love her so much!
I mean help me out here:
Should I be worried?
What questions should I be asking her?
Am I thinking too much about it all?
Is my thinking of her obsession, then her meeting these friends, & them wanting to go on a trip, am I thinking way too much into it (like making a mountain out of a molehill)?
Or
Is my gut instinct of the entire situation the 1 I should follow or not?
What should i be doing or saying?
I'm trying to understand this I obsession but I can't & I'm lost & don't know what to do, there are so many variables here that's its just left me, well to be honest it's left me exhausted
&
as it looks right now our relationship is sinking because of this obsession. Any advice would be appreciated! Thank u

[Mike A]

First off, celebrity crushes happen. People develop obsessions with actors all the time. Though most people end up just following them on twitter or becoming friends with them on facebook and calling it a day. Even if she is obsessed with a celebrity, it's not like she has much of a chance to leave you for him. So I am not sure what you hope to accomplish by having talks with her about it. I would suggest just leaving it alone.

As far as the rest of it goes, you did find possible evidence of her cheating on you. Either that or her planning on cheating on you. It also just so happens that this guy is in the UK, where she is planning on visiting. I would be suspicious.

I know you have a good explanation for why you were in her inbox. Did she tell you to go ahead and check? or did you just go looking? Obviously you had a legit reason for going into her inbox, but you know how this looks don't you?

I would say that if you plan on addressing this to her, and I suggest you actually do so, you need to be careful and tactful. Do keep in mind that you might be accused of snooping. If she's actually a cheater, she will try to turn things back around onto you, and make you the bad guy for digging into her privacy. The place where this video was stored is in a different area than where a video she sent you would be. How are you going to explain to her how and why you saw it.

The fact that she expressly wants to go to the UK without you begs for more explanation than she is giving you. I would say that you might want to just tell her that you've thought about it, and you're not okay with her going to England alone. If she gets angry, ask her who [guy's name] is. How the conversation goes from there is going to be touch-and-go. If she tells you he's "a friend", she's lying. He could legitimately be a guy who was just hitting on her and sent her the video unsolicited. But if her voice was on the recording, and she wasn't telling him to stop, she's also lying about that.

So, I would state the case that it looks to you like she is planning on going to the UK to see this guy. That you are not okay with the idea of her going on this trip alone, and no amount of explaining on her part is going to change how you feel. If she is either planning on cheating, or already has something going on with this guy, she just might tell you off and decide to go on the trip anyway. If she actually has no intention of cheating on you, she might just cancel the trip, or perhaps reconsider inviting you. Maintain that you trusted her, and now you have a reason to not trust her intentions.

If she really wants to make the hard sell and convince you that this was a one-time thing, and that he sent the video without her permission, just insist that she log you into her inbox, so you can have a look around. Be sure that you do this right then, before she has a chance to go though and censor things. If you find absolutely no mention of him other than this video, or perhaps a reply rebuking his attempt on her virtue, she might be telling the truth. But likely, if there was some sort of infidelity going on, there will be an ongoing exchange. It is unlikely that things will even go this far. But be prepared to. If you can find evidence that she actually turned this guy down, then, and only then would I suggest you relent on the suggested decision.

In the end, the relationship sounds like it's winding down. If you tell her you are not okay with the idea of her going on this trip, and she still plans on going, telling her that you will leave her if she goes might be in order. But be prepared for what might be a big mistake if you're wrong.

And that's the best advice I can give.