Fiancé wants a 3 month break?

[A]

We have been together for about 4 years. We have also been through more than most with deaths, major surgeries and illnesses in our families, and the loss of a child. Finances are also strained so it has been rough for us. I know he is very stressed and not himself, but he says now he needs to get help and wants a 3 month break...we have already been separated on his break for 3 weeks...we have not seen each other, he sends maybe one text every few days, but doesn't say he loves me, doesn't call at all, but he will answer if I call. But he keeps the calls very short. I can't keep doing this, I'm so hurt...I've offered more space, to help him etc...he refuses. He even deleted me from all social media, but I can see he is still using it. Now I really don't believe there's anyone else since he doesn't leave his house, and I know he needs help. Tonight I told him I couldn't do this anymore and he replied that he promises we will work out after he gets his help. He is a grown man at 42, this is very unfair to expect me to sit and be faithful while he does his single thing like deleting me out of his life for 3 months. There's no way it could be the same and just pick up like nothing happened. I'm very hurt. Am I unreasonable for saying goodbye even though he needs help? I feel bad for him, but he can't see the pain he is putting me through
Yes I believe he is very depressed, but he refuses to talk about it or what he thinks, which makes it more difficult for me to understand...he will avoid the subject at all costs, he always has avoided any important conversations though...I can't help when I don't know what he's thinking. It saddens me that I can't help, but this has crushed me inside that I can see him online chatting with his friends and not a single text from him...I'm just afraid to sit here waiting when he may never call again...
I'm sorry but I don't feel selfish when I can see him chatting up his female friends and deleting me!

[Carol]

He sounds like he's depressed which is normal under the circumstances.

But he is also turning away from you instead of asking you for help. If this is true, then he'll walk away or avoid talking about whatever conflicts appear. You've already said you feel hurt by his avoidant behavior.

Good luck.

[juliet romanov]

I think it depends on what help he needs. Mental help due to loss of the child? Or another family member? It really depends on the type of help and why he needs it. The child I could see you staying and letting him figure it out. But he should be doing this with you, not apart from you. Especially with deleting you off everything. Give him until after Christmas and then re evaluate whether you think its worth staying.

[Mike Z]

When a guy goes on a break from his relationship, then it usually means that he isn't sure whether he wants to continue the relationship or not.

He needs time to decide. But of course, it's your decision too. If you don't like it, then you can end it before he decides.

[LoveCats]

You are not together now.....if it were me I would not be as patient as you, if he has a problem he should talk to you about it and not run away. If he is just sowing wild oats before he settles down he should just say so. Whatever the situation, you should have been part of the decision and had your say. You didn't, so you have to wonder if this is how it will always be, him calling the shots.

[Butterfly222]

Obviously he is suffering from depression and probably other psychological problems. However, most couples work these things out together. I think it would be good for you to also get your own counseling to see how you really feel and what you really want. Professional help is the best way to get to those answers. If he is blocking you out of his life, that is not a good sign. It could be just his mental condition or the fact that you just remind him of the past and he can't handle that. I think you need to do what is best for you since he evidently is doing what is best for him. He isn't considering how you feel and trying to work through this with you. I would think it would be a good idea to go forward and not just wait for him. It could be much longer than 3 months before he gets the help he needs, it could be 3 years or never. Yes, you care for and about him but you also have to take care of yourself.

[Another Crone]

You are 4 years in and pledged, as a fiance, to commit to life... only not really and truly committed yet, just pledged. Which is different than a vow. Still, pledged ..... but unable to hold on for much more than 3 weeks....

I think you don't have much of a chance to hang in with a lifelong marriage if you can't hold on for at least a couple of months while he struggles with himself. Is it right for him to shut you out? No. Is it right for you to THINK you could have a lifetime with a man you want to give the heaveho to after 3 weeks of not communicating? No.

His pledge is clearly confusing and bizarre. Yours seems insincere.

[524]

This 'break' thing is bull crap IMO..you don't run from your problems, especially when in a relationship, you share and you work thru it TOGETHER......

Do NOT look at what he says but what he DOES and from what you have said he has....

1) left the relationship
2) refuses to really communicate
3) has cut you off from contact thru social media but not his friends.....

If I were you I would stop trying to contact him altogether and do not respond to any rare communication from him (texts are so d@mn impersonal)....he wants a break, then GIVE him a complete break.....and get on with your life. You are right, it IS unfair for him to expect you to keep the light in the window while he cuts you out of his life except for very minium contact that HE controls, while he does whatever......
You can't help him...only HE can help himself.

if at the end of this 3 month 'break' it's still more of the same...then cut him completely out of your life-he has no business keeping you in limbo waiting on what HE decides to do and when he decides to do it.

[sewgoodmama]

He's taking a break to look for better options. He is treating you like cr@p!

There's no excuse for deleting you from his social media.

You should probably move on from this relationship. He's moved on, but is keeping you on the back burner in case things don't work out.

You can do better, and deserve better.