How should I approach my daughter about her Facebook account?

[Ramsey]

My daughter is in the 5th grade.She asked me if she could get a fb account. I had told her that I'd prefer her not getting a facebook account yet. This was back in the summer, so for the past few months I wondered if she had one, so I asked her several time (2 or 3 times) and she said no. Well I noticed my in-law had kinda blocked me on a few things. So I logged on to my wife's, my wife and i know each others pssword, anyway, i log on and I am browsing on my in-law's page and get to the pictures section. There is a picture of my wife and my daughter and my wife is tagged and i noticed my daughter is tagged with a name that is'nt hers. hmmm, wow! really?! So at this point i am upset, i let my wife know about this. Long story short: I am upset that after I asked not to get a faceboo account, she did anyway. I am upset because my in-law blocked me thinking i would not find out... What should I do? How should I treat this matter? What my approach? She will be grounded that much I know.

(Please no put downs or make a joke out of this.)

[Earthigan]

Well, definitely don't tell her how you found out. You don't want to help her make an account you can't find.

Basically just inform her why putting your private information onto a website that has had many, many violations of customer privacy in the past is a bad idea, especially at such a young age. And the punishment will also help.

[Aminal]

I'm no expert or anything, but I would think about deleting her facebook account. Either that, or at least make sure you are friends with her on facebook.
Definitely make sure she knows the dangers of the internet(s** offenders, identity thieves, stalkers, viruses, etc).

[Emma]

Maybe your being a bit hard. I know you don't want her having one and yeah she probably is too young but all of her friends probably have one and they all talk about it and if she doesn't have one, she might feel a bit left out. Maybe tell her that you found out and give her like an age or time when you will allow it and get her to delete it. Then tell her if you find out she hs one again, and then like a form of punishment or something. But she's probably just trying to fit in.

[answerer]

You're right to be upset - it's an abuse of trust. Now in your daughters case let the punishment fit the crime - take her access away and make her delete her profile - after apologising online. It's actually against Facebook rules to make up a name - you could give her a shock by reporting it.

Don't be too hard on her after that though. Or else where do you go if she dies something else?

My concern would be the in law- whether they agree or not they should not have allowed this. That was absolutely your choice and it was undermined by someone old enough to know better. I would never go against my sister in law on the way she raises my nieces and nephews even when I think it's too strict- that has to be her call.

[Nancy]

Tell her why it is dangerous to have facebook at such a young age. Scare her a little? If she continues to have the account, make sure that you tell her to secure her account as much as possible. Don't post any pictures of herself on the Internet until she could decide for herself. Most of my classmates didn't have facebook until grade 7, when we were entering the adolescent stage of our lives, so tell yer that she may get an account when you think she's responsible enough.

Sorry if I sound stupid, but I'm not a parent.

[Sasha]

i think the job of a parent is to teach kids how to develop critical thinking skill. punishment is fine, but it needs to be the adequate punishment. grounding her doesn't teach her anything. kids are used to that. if the computer is what she loves,then the punishment should be off the computer for a certain amount of time. plus its directly related to the issue.

the other thing is, parents do too much yelling and talking, and kids tune them out. so ask questions. why did you do that? if she says " i don't know" don't start yelling, keep digging deeper. do you think that mature people do things because the don't know? the point is she isn't mature at all to deal with all of this, and you and i know this, but you have to ask questions that will elicit that answer from her. 1) you are not just dishing out punishment that makes no sense to her, 2) it opens the lines of communication, 3) eventually she might be able to process those questions in her head and she might be able to critically analyze a situation and prevent outcomes....that will come much later. you need to be steady with the questions and never fly off the handle, kids expect that, that's why they learn to lie so they can avoid the punishment. talk to her. ask her, if you have the right questions and You can anticipate your daughters answers you can plan what you can say next, be honest with her, firm but kind. let her know your concerns about facebook or the internet. don't yell, kids miss the point, tell her the point in a loving way. she might even be surprised that your reasons about her not having facebook are about concern with strangers on line, not just cuz parents are jerks. good luck

[K]

Let her know that you don't appreciate her dishonesty and that you feel disrespected. Beyond that, there's not a lot that you can do but ask her to try to understand it from your perspective (which may be that you find it dangerous, unnecessary, etc.) But don't forget to listen to her perspective as well (it is a false name, she might just use it for the games that are available, she does have some kind of family members that are monitoring her every photo and post). Just treat the situation as an adult. There's no need to yell, because what's done is done. Explain to her your reasons as to why you don't want her to have one, explain that there is a consequence (grounding) for dishonesty and disrespect. Don't forget that your kid is a kid. But feel free to have whatever conversation you'd like with the in-law.

[Kiki]

If you ground her or punish her for it she will want to rebel then and have an account. Just tell her you don't like the fact that she went behind her back and that she can still have her account as long as you have her as a friend and her password if necessary.

[x]

I would let her have a facebook account. All the kids have one and their basically harmless. Theres more chance of a creep getting her after school than on facebook. Most of the kids just use them for their friends at school and at that age I doubt their doing anything but talking about silly stuff maybe who likes who at the most.

Sometimes its worse to tell them they can't do something, then they sneak and do it anyways.

I would issue a warning this time and tell her that next time she wants something really bad to talk to you about it and you need to also have an open mind and try to remember when you where theyre age or they wont come to you next time.