I am depressed because my boyfriend looks at pornography?

[Emma]

Back in October 2013, I was clearing my internet history on my shared laptop I share with my boyfriend when I came across these searches on Twitter for things like "dirty teens" and "teen selfshot". He was on pages with girls topless and naked for ages. This was when I was sleeping right beside him!?! Anyway, I felt very upset because my boyfriend has always been so loving and caring to me, and he has always came across as a guy that wouldn't be into that stuff - he was so innocent and I felt like only I mattered to him. So it came as a shock and I was very hurt and heartbroken. I confronted him and he admitted it, he said he is so sorry for hurting me, and he cried to me about it. He told me he had only looked at these things twice since being together.
Everyday since October it's all I've been thinking about. Feeling like I am not good enough because I don't have big breasts, or bleach blonde hair. I have spiralled into depression because my mind keeps repeating the titles of the pages he was looking at, and playing the images over and over in my mind. He was also on hundreds of girls photos that he actually knows on Facebook everyday.
Two nights ago, I was on his old laptop trying to fix it when I right clicked on the Google Chrome tab and it came up 'Most Visited Websites' and the top was a porn site. Obviously I was curious because he told me he had only looked at things twice since being together. I found out he was on it hundreds of times. I texted him asking him what was going on and why he had lied, and how many times he had actually been on it.. He said 'too many times and im sorry Emma'.. I selfharmed both my arms, and I tried to suffocate myself because I already had 0 confidence before this. I hate myself and my body so much. I know its normal for guys to look at things like this but I hate the fact of my boyfriend finding other girls sexually attractive and imagining things with other girls when I am his girlfriend. I feel so sick thinking about it. My mind keeps going over and over the titles of the videos and pictures he was looking at. The thing I am most worried about is my breasts. I don't have big breasts and the pictures and videos of the girls he was looking at all have big breasts. I feel inferior to every single girl I see with bigger breasts than me. I feel like they are better than me and the only way I can see myself getting better is if I get a boob job. I am on anti-depressants because of the pornography. I need help. I don't know what to do. I want my boyfriend to be interested in only me, I want to be so good that he will not need to look at other girls. Help.

[Kenneth]

every man looks at porn..even married ones, so stop being creepy

[LIL BEAR]

I only use porn to jackoff and when I have a girlfriend (steady pussy) I don't need to jackoff unless I haven't seen her for awhile if your BF is looking at porn with you in the bed then something is wrong why would he look at pussy on a screen when its laying right next too him


UNLESS YOU ARENT ATTRACTIVE???

[Matthew]

*newsflash*

All guys look at porn. Don't feel inferior. Here's some stats to make you feel better:

90% of children aged 8-16 search for porn

42.7% of all Internet users are porn related.

35% of all Internet downloads are of a pornographic nature

It's not just him. Even lots of girls do it too.

[whyskyhigh]

make him hot
then he is stopping watching tv

[?]

I (a girl) know how you feel, I'm very happy with my breasts but there was one guy who made me feel like they weren't big enough and it made me feel resentful towards him. Dump him. I'm being serious. And anybody who wrote here they need to keep their stashes of porn and little bookmarked pages are living in the wrong fantasy world. He is a pervert, that's basically it. You are not bat **** crazy don't listen to that sh!t, they live in a sordid little world indeed. That's bullshit, get that straight right now. Listen, I'm really good looking and I compare myself to certain porn stars, but I can't help being slim and sexy. If that's who he wants why is he with you making you feel bad about your body? Don't get plastic surgery. He needs to grow up. Could you have a family with a person who only seems to understand sensual pleasure devoid of love? Also, porn is meant to be fun, its not a mans domain. Its women's power, so if he is making you feel bad, Dump Him. Have Fun!!!!!! (;

[Sara]

Hey I can understand your feelings towards the porn because if my boyfriend was looking at stuff like that id feel like crap too. I don't think it is fair to say that you are on anti-depressants because of the porn because surely that cant be the only reason, The fact that you are self harming and saying you are on anti-depressants because of the porn is not fair on your boyfriend and I cant help but think no wonder he lied to you about only looking at it twice. As for you worrying about your breast size, your boyfriend is with YOU not the girls in the pornos he loves you for you and im sure he loves your breasts too! You cant overthink things and say stuff like 'im not good enough'...'my bodys ugly'....'I have no confidence'.. Because by saying those things or thinking those things you are making them your reality. You are only as happy as you want to be. You have the power to control your thinking, if your worried about not being attractive to your boyfriend start by loving yourself more. The more you love yourself the more confidence you will get and the more confident you are in yourself and in your body the more attractive you will be to your boyfriend.

[Ben]

Emma, don't beat yourself up so much about this. It's pretty normal for the majority of men (although most won't ever admit to it).

Perhaps you should offer to watch some videos with him. It could spark a pretty good night for you.

At the very least, you should talk to him....tell him how all of this is making you feel. Tell him that it's leading you to self harm.

Finally, and please trust me on this: A boob job is the last thing you want in this situation. Your reasons are all wrong and for the majority of guys, size isn't an issue anyway.

[Alesha]

I'm going to let you in on a little secret. They all do to some extent. One of my past relationships had an obsession with topless sunbathers on beaches. He always had a subscription to "I Love the Beach" and "Ugotitflauntit" for the entire time he and I were dating. In fact I met him at the beach. Every guy seems to have his own fantasy and porn seems to allow him to see it in living color. As for antidepressants, there is something else wrong there if a shrink prescribed those for you.

[john]

You are what men consider "Bat Sh!t Crazy". You need to just get used to the fact that all men will look at porn and other women. Just like all women will look at more shoes and clothes even though they already have enough.