Sociopath, compulsive liar? What am I? Help?!?

[Sinfullymisunderstoodx]

I guess I'm just trying to understand myself a little bit better. Half the things I do, I ridicule myself for because I know they're wrong, but yet I do them anyways, because at the time and even now I really don't care that they're wrong to do. I just know its not NORMAL.
I graduated high school and I told myself that when I started college I would be done with the lies because I have an entirely clean slate with people that don't know anything about me.

Well, the fact that they don't know anything about me just kind of was my downfall, I think.

I lie about half of everything. In high school I lied about having OCD when it comes to cleanliness. In reality, I'm pretty normal about that kind of thing. Except, I mean, I really hate feet and mud.
I've carried out this lie through college, even with my roommates. I've also tacked on:
- I'm lactose intolerant (I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I SAID THIS BECAUSE ITS SO INCONVENIENT)
- I got a 32 on my ACT (lol I got a 24)
- I had a kid and the kid died (I said this for a particular class, not everyone knows that, or thinks it)
- Only one of my kidneys function properly
- I took all honors courses in High school (true for the most part, but the ways I described them were not factual)


But I think my past lies will help more. OKAY, so I made up people. Like, I would act like I had other friends or boyfriends. I literally went so far as to bruise myself and convince my friends that my fake boyfriend was beating me. I never confirmed or denied this, but they even had an intervention with me.

I currently maintain a string of fake facebook profiles, with people I found who are also fake, IDK who they are, but we just use like minimal celebrities and random *** made up people. We live fantasy lives, and completely only interact with each other, It's the most bazaar thing. I think I have upwards 25 people and they do too. I KNOW there's at least 2 different people at play here with me, because one accidently had GPS thing on and was from Oregon, and another the UK. So...weird.
I don't get why I do this ^ but I feel weird if I don't get on. I tried to stop but I can't.


Right now I currently lied to get a job I have, and half is truth the other isn't. I literally had to make fake documents to sustain this lie. It's clever, but stupid because thats illegal.

The point is I just tell absurd lies and I have no idea why.


Not only this but I like doing whatever I want, and I'm normally great at not getting caught either. For instance, I steal a lot. I steal from people I call friends, old people, family, I really don't care who it is. I see it and I want it, so I take it. Whether it be objects or money, I still steal it.
The thing is, I am a 4.0 student, in college, I have a clean record and no one would every suspect this behavior out of me, ever.
People call me polite, caring, helpful, giving even.

But really I just don't care who it is, if I can screw them over to get ahead and not get caught you best believe that is exactly what I am going to do, and without hesitation.

I like to drink, do drugs (mild), and things like that and apparently that is out of my character traits because one time in high school I hung out with a different group and they were surprised I knew how to smoke weed. They didn't expect it, and they definitely didn't expect that I smoked or took Vicodin every day, and I drank all the time.

Its like I have a different side to me that I know isn't normal and so I act different, I act how my sister acts I guess.

I don't really ever feel sad, I just get angry, more angry, and Idk..normal?

The only times I cry are when its like expected of me, I guess. But sometimes its like I can't control it and I literally can't stop so I will cry for like an hr. and then other times I can turn it on or off whenever I want too. So, I can force it basically. Not even from feeling sad, idk what feeling sad is even characterized by. Maybe I do, but I don't know.

I am finding out through conversations with my dad, because I asked why we never talk to some of his family and he said that 2 of his brothers are sociopath/psychopaths. One of them is a convicted child rapist, who I guess stole his whole life but was super charming and only got caught cause he made a mistake or something. Basically, he is a psychopath.
but his other brother doesn't have emotions, well like he does, but he doesn't feel remorse I guess. Like he doesn't care about his actions? He is very much popular in his community but my dad said he is a jerk and incapable of loving and caring and he will do anything to anyone without blinking. He just isn't violent, I suppose.



So I don't know whats wrong, please help. anyone.

[Neil]

Just a teen, or young-adult that hasn't figured out what their boundaries are.

What you describe is basically what everybody feels, and does growing up, some a little less, some a little more, but at some point, you grow out of it.

Nothing you mention appears to be super-serious, although if you keep investing in misbehaving, at some point you will become dysfunctional of course, so that's something you should pay attention to, to not overdo the teen-rebellion.