I'm stuck in a friendship that I'm not happy with, what do I do?

[Maria]

Last year, I hadn't made any friends in University and was feeling depressed and lonely. I reached out on our school's facebook page and one girl got back to me, saying she would be my friend. However, she and I have completely different ideas of what we want to do.

I am pretty flexible with hanging out and will make time and effort, but her ideas of what to do are off limits to me. They are not safe, not hygienic and not entirely legal either (yes, I'm a prude). I don't feel comfortable at all with it and she knows that.

She doesn't ever do what I want to do. Last time we hung out, we met at school and were supposed to go shopping but she tricked me into going to one of the places that I don't feel comfortable with again. I told her I really didn't like it, and she said it wouldn't happen again.

Then she asked me to hang out and I said that I had plans but she could join me, and she said no, and kept trying to make suggestions and whenever I threw an idea out she would said no because she had to stay at school and wait around for her boyfriend and so I had to as well, and that really doesn't work with my schedule.

I just really don't feel happy with this friendship at all, but I don't know what to do I don't want to hurt her feelings but I am sick of the drama and sick of how she can be controlling and never wants to do what I want. What should I say to her?

[Melody]

A friendship isn't just one sided, it involves both people who share common interests. If you are not happy with your friendship, tell her. There's no point in prolonging your discomfort if you're not happy with the way things are going.

[Gabs♥]

Hi darling! I'm sorry to hear that....
I've felt the same way, too. A lot of times. But instead of feeling sad about it, look at the brighter side....
How about you join a club? You can make lots of friends...and I'm pretty sure your university has a lot of people like you

Just confront her.
Tell her how you feel, like you told us If she still doesn't change, dump her. Yes, you don't wanna lose a friend. Nobody does. But sometimes you have to let go. Such TOXIC friendships lead you nowhere

[Lulu]

Its kind of hard making friends in university. I had a hard time too because I didn't live in dorms. I would sometime make friends in lecture which is like a couple of mins before the teacher talks so the next time, I wouldn't see them. Or I was friend with them til the course ended, and I would never see them again. This frustrated me a lot because I actually enjoyed their friendship but I understand they had other friends too.

Finally, I made friends within my program, so much easier than outside my program. We would do homework and play cards together. I'm happy I found them because university is a lot more enjoyable with STABLE friends.

Outside of my program, I volunteer with a bunch of other students which is a great way to hang out with different people from different programs. We work with kids and when there's a lot times for us to talk together about school and life.

I would advise you to ditch this friend. You do realize that university is huge and a lot bigger than your high school. So the chances of you running into this girl is slim (unless she was in your class or program.. eep). Go join a club (its never too late, just email them), volunteer (great way to meet people and give back!), go to the gym ( people tend to feel more confident when they exercise), or get a job (work with customers).

Be cheerful and don't give up. Stop hanging around libraries and start chatting up with people in your program (trust me, these friends will last long because you guys will have multiple of courses in the upcoming years).