19 years old male gay in the closet. Help I don't know what's wrong with me. depressed.?

[no]

First of all I want to say I'm in the closet and my mom kind of knows my dad doesn't and my older brother suspects of me being gay.... I only had 1 boyfriend (we were together for 2 years then he moved to another country) 3 years later after that relationship here I am a 19 years old male I get depressed most of the time. I went to a psychiatrist because I have anxiety (He never helped me I mean I tried like 3 different pills, then I stopped going since it wasn't helping and it was just a waste of money. I still miss my ex (I know it's been 3 years and I still kind of miss him) Most of my friends (only two of my friends know and 1 of them is my ex) thinks I'm str8, the whole country would find out if I tell someone I'm gay (It's a small country everyone knows each other here) and my dad shouldn't find out for my own safety and if I really want to leave the country he is the one that will pay college for me. Most of my friends would probably just stop hanging out with me if they find out (even though it's not like I go out that often) I'm not going to say I want to kill myself even though I seriously think about it sometimes, but I honestly need some guide because every time the depression is stronger.... I started going to the gym again (I stopped for a while) I work half time and I will take English classes soon (I'm doing this because if I can get distracted most of the time I won't be thinking about things as much as I would if I'm at my house doing anything) guess I feel like this because the shitty life I'm having. I know a lot of people have worst situations and they can keep moving on, but I've been struggling with this for a long time, My ex nowadays has continued with his life and has been with several boys and it makes me feel bad somehow too. (we lost our virginity together) I've tried to find books about changing homosexuality, but I haven't found one yet and I honestly doubt that would help...... I just want to have a normal life and don't let the things my ex do or my sexuality affect me (My friend that know's everything about me and my ex said that I will stop feeling bad when I find some1 for me, but in case that's true I don't want to wait that long to feel well with that. I'm not someone that can find a guy quick besides I'm not good looking and I don't want to have sex with random guys like my ex let's just say I'm a little serious) because honestly even when he uploads a new profile picture on Facebook I start missing him.... I have friends that change relationships every month without feeling bad or anything.....
Most of my friends have girlfriends and a lot of them ask me if I want to go out, some of them invite me to fuck prostitutes and you know how wrong that looks when I said no. It's not like I'm a 24/7 depressed male, but I get depressed a lot and my emotions change constantly and pretty fast. I'm moving to Canada (Toronto) soon, I know I will feel better at Toronto, but most of the struggle is with me. I will be happy that I'm in a better country, but frustrated with everything inside besides I'm not moving now I'mmoving like in 8-9 months. I don't know what to do... I just want everything to stop....
I'm moving from my country because my country is not even nice to live in. Ive wanted to leave the country since I'm 14.

[.]

you need to move on from your ex hes moved on and so should you but listen you cant take your life there's people out there dying and suffering even experiencing the same thing you are and they don't give up on living neither should you start a new life in Canada meet nice people don't go on dating sites that's dangerous and don't drink and do drugs here are some suicide hotlines and stay positive maybe try talking with another therapist not all of them are bad









National Adolescent Suicide Hotline
800-621-4000











United States:
1-800-273-TALK
1-800-309-2131
1-800-SUICIDE

United Kingdom: Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 (UK - local rate)
Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92 (UK minicom)
Hotline: 1850 60 90 90 (ROI - local rate)
Hotline: 1850 60 90 91 (ROI minicom)

Canada:Hotline:
+1 (905) 688 3711
+1 (905) 459 7777
+1 800 465 4442
+1 (905) 433-1121
+1 (905) 877-1211

Australia Hotline:

•Lifeline 24 hour crisis support -13 11 14
•Suicide Prevention Foundation (24/7) - 1800 HOLDON (1800 465 366)
•Suicide Callback - 1300 659 467 in every State (available 24 hours a day)






Hotlines for America:
Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433
Self Harm Hotline: 1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)
LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255
Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386
Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438
Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673
Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272
Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000





Hotlines for other Countries:
Argentina: 800 5555 5522
Australia: 1800 799 338
Austria: 800 5555 5522
Belgium: 800 5555 5522
Brazil: 0800 891 7391
Canada: 866 246 9224
China: 800 5555 5522
Colombia: 800 5555 5522
Costa Rica: 00 800 5555 5522
Denmark: 00 800 5555 5522
Finland: 800 5555 5522
Germany: 800 5555 5522
Hong Kong: 800 5555 5522
Hungary: 800 5555 5522
India: 000 800 1006 614
Ireland (Republic of): 800 5555 5522
Israel: 800 5555 5522
Italy: 800 5555 5522
Japan: 800 5555 5522
Luxembourg: 800 5555 5522
Malaysia: 800 5555 5522
Mexico: 001 800 514 3716
Netherlands: 800 5555 5522
New Zealand: 800 5555 5522
Norway: 800 5555 5522
Philippines: 800 5555 5522
Portugal: 800 5555 5522
Russia: 810 800 2643 1012
Singapore: 800 5555 5522
South Africa: 800 5555 5522
South Korea: 800 5555 5522
Spain: 800 5555 5522
Sweden: 800 5555 5522
Switzerland: 800 5555 5522 (143)
Taiwan: 800 5555 5522
Thailand: 800 5555 5522
UK: 08457 90 90 90
Other Hotlines:
National Youth Crisis Support: 1-800-448-4663
Youth America Hotline: 1-877-YOUTHLINE ( 1-877-968-8454)
Covenant House Nine-Line (Teens): 1-800-999-9999
Boys Town National: 1-800-448-3000
Teen Helpline: 1-800-400-0900
TeenLine: 1-800-522-8336
Youth Crisis Support: 1-800-448-4663 or 1-800-422-0009
Runaway Support (All Calls are Confidential): 800-231-6946
Child Helpline: (UK Only) 0800 1111
Kids Helpline (Australia): 1800 55 1800

[Alma]

You feel alone (http://neurolove.me/post/31033180938/6-t...oneliness) . Pills don't help with that. Obviously I would say. You miss your ex because he knew and you could share that with someone. As human, you do have the need to communicate and relate to others in a meaningful way. Find those people. You can't be alone forever.

[tehabwa]

Go back to the psychiatrist. You gave up way too soon. It often takes some experimenting with meds to find the right set of drugs for a particular person.

If you are convinced they couldn't help even with more time, then find another psychiatrist.

Problems don't just magically vanish.

Get help.