Please help! How can I except the truth?

[Beth]

I read a book about a year ago where there was a certain character that stood out. A really nice girl with a friendly personality. In the story, she likes doing things I enjoy and I always wanted someone like her as a best friend (because I haven't had a best friend for years now, because I have a hard time being close to people) but soon I realized I wanted HER as my best friend.
I am caught in a depression, which had started years before I read the book, and have never really gotten along with my family. So when my family and I get in fights, I always think of her and make myself believe she will come knocking on my door one day (having of heard of me in someway) so we could run away to live with her and her family.
When I think about the reality of this, I see how stupid it sounds, and that she is not real but I don't want to except that at all.
I'm having a hard time letting go of this lie and need help, thanks.

Also, I know this sounds so stupid, but it took alot of courage posting this on the internet for strangers to read, so please be kind.
Hmm, shoot it out has nothing to do with this, it's really irrelavent.

[Unbreakable Me]

That's really funny. Not in a mean way, but a funny way...


How dare you speak of a book and the matters of it, yet you avoid spilling the title. Hhhmmmm.
That doesn't sound stupid. LOL.


Enter this website and listen to this song...


Shoot it out

http://www.10yearsmusic.com/default.aspx

[sin pensar]

Hi Beth, honestly, sometimes, the best way to accept the truth is to replace it with reality. You said you haven't had a best friend in years, so you are probably lonely and using this "character" to fill the void in your life you want filled. What I would recommend, which I know is easier said than done, is to try and find a friend to replace the "character" you have befriended in your mind. If you would like, I would be happy to be your friend, like a pen pal. We wouldn't have to exchange names or pictures or anything, just a friend to talk to through email when you need someone to converse with. Well, either way, I hope that you can figure this out and that you are able to slowly accept the truth that you know. If you do decide to be pen pals email me through this yahoo answers thing and we can go from there. Take care.

[Mike]

There's nothing wrong with thinking about this. Essentially, you're fantasy is to have someone who enjoys the same activities you do and who is a nice person. I fail to see why you should be ashamed of this in the short run.

Now, in the long run, there is a danger in this. Right now you're using this as a crutch to get past some bad times in your life. Be weary of using this too much as it could lead you to stop seeking out friendships.

But definitely don't feel shame over wanting someone to relate to you.

[Khnopff71]

The concept of imaginary friends is hardly uncommon. Many kids have imaginary playmates and confidants with whom they both share and develop their interdependent relationship skills. And while it is less uncommon as people age, imaginary friends (in whatever form they appear) are likely to show up in any sort of situation where there is no other real outlet for friendship. Despite what Twitter and MySpace say, making 'friends' is alot harder than simply hitting the Accept button. Friendship, at its core, validates the two people who enter into that sort of relationship. If no one around fulfills that function, then the person can turn to imaginary or fictional sources. Tom Hanks' character in Cast Away is an exceptional example of this.

What you need to understand about your relationship with this girl is two things: 1 is that it gives you what you need at this point in your life because you can't find it anywhere else and 2 is that trying to give it up now will only make you worse in the long run. Nothing says you can't hold onto this person as long as you need them. You need to realize that part of the reason you identify so strongly with this person is that no one else in your physical reality gives you what she does. This isn't a situation where you have lots of real, close friends at school but are choosing to be enraptured by this character. For whatever reason, she validates you. If for no other reason, when you need someone, she is there. Being there when we need them is a prime consideration for most friendships. Other people might exist but she, in that story, does exist and you know where she's at. When you feel bad, you know how to find her. All of that is important both for yourself and what that says about what kind of person you are.

We are what we like. We all define ourselves by what makes us feel. I like broccoli, I like long walks on the beach, I like sitting at home listening to Mozart, all means of us understanding who we are. This story, this character, is a part of you now. Giving that up would be like giving away all your favorite cds/mp3s and starting over, pretending you don't like that stuff anymore. So, turning to the person, fictional or not, who validates you is actually you standing up for yourself. So stand up for yourself, hold onto the things you like. Furthermore, use it as a means to help you decide what kind of real friend you do want in your life. A real friend wouldn't try to make you give up anything or anyone you love. I have a Doors test for friendship/relationship, why can't you have have this person for yours?

Don't try to be someone you aren't. Right now, you need her so hold onto her.