What Do You Think Of My Stand-Up lines?

[499]

Hello everybody!
Most comedians will start the show by saying Hows everybody doing! followed by asking everybody if their ready to laugh or something like that. I always think to myself the people that scream Yes! must be darn optimistic, not like me of course. I actually attempted to create comedy insurance, that way I could get get my money back after watching a show that felt more like a wedding.

Im not a big fan of weddings, they just remind me how lonely I am. that's why I spend most my time internet dating, I do most of that on twitter. I followed a girl once, it ended with me getting a restraining order.

I have a few other tricks up my sleeve, I sometimes carry a cane around with me, it makes me look like doctor house. This lets me walk into hospitals and say to the women there, ''hey, im a gynecologist'' of course im not qualified to do this, and I suspect this resulted in quite a few unexpected deaths.

I needed therapy as a child, apparently I have a repressed memory. They say I murdered a therapist. I also tried to do a stand up show recently, but apparently you can only have two people on jail visitation days.

Im writing my own self-help book. I discovered how to get rich quick using only three items, a gun, a balaclava and a fast car.

When I was young, I was quite the history buff, me and my friends would do role play games, our favourite was FRENCH MILITARY. Well I think it was our favourite, I would ask them but obviously they all died. We actually had to hire a sweatshop to sow us enough white flags.

My favourite board game is monopoly, I actually hate playing it, but the money works great on the old people at supermarkets.

So... thank you for reading, I understand this was probably quite bad, but it is my first try.

thank you.

[Desirée]

Made me smile, but not lol... keep practicing! ^^

[GrayPict]

If you really want an opinion, they are old, rather tired,. and not to amusing.

[Vicky]

as this is your first time i dont get them, they are uninteresting and not funny, try watching lee evans or someone like that. maybe that will help you x