Ideas for next paragraph/chapter? Thanks!?

[Ami]

So I have wrote page 1. It doesn't explain alot but rough idea is this girl met a boy online. But he isnt a boy and in real life he is 25 and working for another man who is trying to get her. She meets up with him but then cant remember what has happened to her until she sees tyler (the man online) again face to face when she tries to run. Im wondering if anyone has any ideas for next chapter? what could happen . Basically this is the page :


I woke up confused. Where am I ? I sat up from the couch I was laying on and looked around my surroundings. I got a shock when I heard a voice from behind me. "You're awake then?" he said and I jumped. "Where am I?" I asked. The stranger had walked around to the front of the room and sat on the edge of the wooden coffee table in the corner. "You're at my house" he said softly and I started to panic. "Calm down. My friend was driving passed the school and saw you unconscious laying on the ground. He thought you were dead!" he explained. I was getting more confused now as I had no idea how I got here. Confused and slightly scared.

"He saw somebody run off with your bag and phone. He tried to stop them but was too late." I looked at the stranger in front of me and he looked so familiar. He was tanned and had dark spiky hair. His eyes of dark blue glimmered at me and looked almost frightening. He smiled suddenly when he caught me staring and that's when I knew I had seen him before. His dimples where the same as I had seen before. That gave me shivers. I couldn't remember him completely but I knew where from.

The last few days at school had been dreadful. Kids were making my life hell. There was one girl who was nice, unlike the others. Her name was Kelsey.

Kelsey was 17, one year older then myself. She'd come talk to me whenever I was having a bad day and tell me everything was going to be alright. Then we'd go have a walk outside, just around the corner of the school in the alleyway. There was a man always stood smoking a cigarette whilst we were there. I thought nothing of it, but one day he did something weird. He motioned for Kelsey to go over to him. I told her not to but she took no notice. I watched as he started talking to her and she would nod at him then walk away, never telling me what they spoke about. Each time he'd always have the same, evil, smile on his face and the sickening dimples. Each time he'd stare me at me.

He was still smiling when I came back to reality with a hard bang. I wiped my fringe away from my eyes so I could see and as I did that I realized that I had blood on my hands from my head. His smile quickly faded when he saw how panicked I was. "He must have hit you whilst he took your stuff" The man lied. I knew it was a lie because I could clearly see my bag and phone lying on the coffee table hiding being him. I didn't let on that I knew, I just simply asked for "Water". He nodded then left to fetch some water. I was terrified inside, as soon as I saw my stuff I think he seen the look of terror on my face. As soon as he left the room I shot up and grabbed my phone, to my surprise my Facebook page was open and I never leave my Facebook open. I felt sick to my stomach. I froze with shock but I was going to get another big shock right that second.

"Here's your water." His voice sounded from behind me but this time, sounding angry. I turned around to find him glaring at me and I could see the anger in his face. I had to think of something, and fast.



(Kelsey is her friend and knows who tyler is but cant tell))

[Nekobus]

Big word of advice is never to start a story with a character waking up. It's been done a million times, not only waking up but not knowing where he or she is. I think it would be a good idea to think of another hook where something more unique happens. The idea is very good, so I think if you start it another way and keep it more linear, what happens next will come to you organically.

Right now it jumps from her with the man to her with Kelsey too quickly, then back again. As a reader, I'm more curious about the scenario with Kelsey talking to the man and then not wanting to tell the main character about him. That could be a chapter in itself and you might even find your hook there. Then it could flow a little more into how she winds up with this creepy guy.

Just my thoughts as I read through it, anyway. I like the idea behind it so I'd just recommend starting with something more unusual and then staying in-the-moment, possibly exploring her friendship with Kelsey a little more. If you really want her to wake up not knowing where she is, a bit of set up beforehand could really give it a boost.

Hope that's helpful, keep writing and developing your characters and you'll get there! Lots of luck.