Ex contacts after a breakup.... what does it mean? Please Help me....!?

[Cello]

So my ex boyfriend and I began dating in october. But to keep the story short he fucked it up by me finding out that he was texting other girls telling them that he missed them etc. Therefore, I broke up with him because I didnt trust him. This happened in December when I found those messages. However, he contacted me a few days telling me he'd do anything to fix it so I gave it some thought and decided to give him a second chance just bc our relationship was just starting off and I really wanted to be with him. However, just last week I decided to see if he was telling the truth and saw that he was still texting the same girls, those exact same things. So I officially broke it off for good because I knew i didnt deserve that. Last night, he texted me a long message saying he was really sorry for everything and that he knew nothing he could do would be able to makeup for all the pain he caused me. he did ask me if we could be friends at least bc he said that I had become one of his best friends and he said he would like to talk to me every now and than, and check up on me? He told me he missed me alot as well. Anyways what do you think he means by being friends? Do you think its his way of just trying to get back with me, or is it more of an ego boost to see if he can still play with my feelings? we're also facebook friends and there are some pictures of me partying with guys and friends from this past weekend so i dont know if he's upset b/c im moving on too fast. what do you guys think I should do?

[Debojyoti]

if you are emotionally attached to him, then surely leave him..... and if not then be desperate and see what he actually wants.....

Take Care....

[Mcs]

Emotionally detaching from an abusive relationship can be extremely difficult. Many men believe they still love their girlfriends. Therefore, developing indifference and detaching—even when they're a consistent source of pain—seems antithetical. Nevertheless, learning to detach is vital if you ever hope to regain your health, happiness, sanity and sense of Self., but have to maintain some degree of contact because of shared contacts and emotional thoughts.

Emotionally detaching requires that you change many of your attitudes, beliefs and behaviors. Detaching is not about enabling your Boy friend; it's about disarming him by eradicating his ability to hurt you. It's not about changing your behavior so that you don't trigger your boyfriend. In fact, if you successfully detach it will probably provoke him to become even more nasty and controlling for awhile. When your boyfriend takes an ugly turn into consistent abuse and other controlling behaviors, attaching your self-worth to how he treats you and placing all your effort into his and the relationship guarantees exploitation and self-destruction. For your psychological survival in this kind of relationship, you need to develop and feel indifference and emotional detachment. Before you can begin to detach, you need to accept the following:

Love does not conquer all. What you're experiencing in your relationship probably isn't love; it's a distorted, twisted version of it. You can't fix or rescue someone from being abusive, sick, dysfunctional and lost in their own highly distorted reality. In fact, trying to rescue an abuser—particularly if he's a borderline, a narcissist, a histrionic or a sociopath—is akin to trying to rescue to drowning person who's crying for help and then holds you under water until you begin to drown. The more you try to rescue him, the more he'll drag you under. You give your abusive the power to hurt you.

You can survive and thrive without your abusive relationship. You don't “need” him. You had a life before this person and eventually you'll have a much better life post Mr. Boyfriend. You're not responsible for your partner's or ex's happiness, failures, shortcomings or bad behaviors. The person who you want partner to be is in conflict with the person he is in reality. Continuing to hope for the best from someone who consistently gives you the worst is a set-up for more pain and disillusionment.

You are not helpless, powerless and incompetent. The relationship with your abusive partner causes you to feel that way, which is why it's often so difficult to take care of yourself and break free. There's no shame in admitting that you need to walk away from a relationship that's destructive and toxic. It's vital that you begin to develop a rational perspective and distance yourself from an ongoing hurtful relationship that you can neither control nor change. Many people remain in abusive relationships well beyond a point of personal pain and devastation that defies reason. You need to come back to your senses and see your partner for who he is and your part in it.