I checked my on/off BF's facebook. I suspected he cheated and I was proven right. Was I right to do it?

[Stranded]

I've been dating this guy on and off for four years. The problem is that he's never been able to fully commit to me. I've made all kinds of sacrifices to be with him. Our relationship a secret since he's divorced and has kids, so he's afraid of his relatives might think about us. We've been through a lot together, but mostly it's me tending to his needs. It was a first same sex relationship for both, so he was "straight" until he met me but he's never stopped looking at women. We rarely had intimacy -only 3 times last year- and it wasn't to my satisfaction.

He said he still likes women and I caught him checking them out and texting female friends, but he swears it's innocent, though he did admit that he hooked up with a girl while we were "on a break". I still felt betrayed and since then I've admitted that I haven't been able to fully trust him.

Because of this I've distanced myself from him several times, and told him I don't want to see him again, but a few weeks will go by and he always finds a way to reel me back in, promising it'll all be different this time around. I've met others who have expressed interest in getting to know me better and go out with me but I've ended up not taking on their offers because I was committed to make it work with him.

I've become unhappy, frustrated and depressed. I feel like I've wasted a lot of time. Recently I told him that I felt he had never been honest with me, we both deserved to be happy, so I asked him to tell me the truth, and we could break up and remain friends. He denied ever cheating on me, and said I was the only one he loved and said he didn't want to leave me. He said made up his mind about wanting to be with me, and he's made many mistakes in the past and didn't want to lose me. I kept asking me what he means by "mistake" but he didn't go into details.

The other day he checked his Facebook account using my tablet and forgot that the password was stored. I ended up checking his account and went through every message from one year onwards and I discovered he had in fact been with different women and possibly other men during the time we've been together, especially last year.

I didn't know how to confront him about this, so I called him up and told him I loved him deeply and meant the world to me. I felt like crying so I told him I had to go and hung up. Hours later I texted him and said that he had hurt me in unimaginable ways, so I didn't want to hear from him again and he might as well pretend that I was dead to him.

We haven't spoken since. He called me non-stop the next day but it seems he finally got the message. I don't know whether I should confront him or not. I know checking someone else's FB account is morally questionable but the thing is, I would've never found out how he's treated me had I not taken a chance to check out his account. Was I right to do it?

[Tee]

No, it was wrong. Now that you have the truth move on. do not mention any of this to him.

[Nicole]

normally I wouldl say hacking someone's FB account is wrong, but you had plenty of reason to be suspicious.

He's a cheating scumbag dear. I know that is not what you want to hear (about someone you love) but he clearly does not love you, otherwise he would not have cheated on you behind your back AND lied about it.

Not only can you not trust him because he is a cheater, you can not trust him because he is a liar,

I have seen this EXACT same situation with my best friend, I pleaded with her to break up with her immature cheater boyfriend. I told her that he was disrespectful and didn't love her since he cheated on her all the time despite how bad he knew it hurt her, and instead of dumping him, she got mad at me. Eventually what happened was, she stayed with him, he cheated on her some more, then dumped her a few month later (they had been on and off for two years). after he dumped her, in a span of 3 months, he had 4 different girlfriends.. and she still wanted to get back with him..

So please don't be like her.. you may have already waited time with him, but you can put an end to time wasting right now. Please have a little respect for yourself.

I know how hard it is to let go of someone you love, but you need to do it for your own well being. you can not live in a happy relationship that has no trust, no respect (from your boyfriend) and is filled with lies. you will never be happy with a guy like that, no matter how hard you try. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I don't think this saying is 100% true, but in your case it defiantly seems to be.

but there are guys out there that will love you back. they can be trustworthy, loyal, caring, and truthful, you can live such a happy relationship, only if you learn to let go of the wrong guy.

you will never find the right one if you cant let go of the wrong one.

I seriously hope you listen to me, because I have seen this shit happen over and over and over. it will not get better, you will just stay in a miserable relationship, or get dumped anyways. please PLEASE listen to me, you NEED to move on.

[Cmp874]

I would waste no time analyzing whether what you did was right or wrong, but, rather, just be thankful that you did find out. Clearly, your friend is not gay, but bisexual in a way where it would seem he's equally attracted to both genders. If that is the case, then the fact that he is cheating is not an indication of failure of anything on your part because I think for a bisexual man, he has needs that one sex can't meet for him alone. I'm not defending him in any way here, but, I'm hoping that by saying this I have managed to comfort you in some small way. It is not a defense to his behavior because no one is pointing a gun at his head to act on these urges, especially if he had made a commitment to you. I don't think I would confront him about his unfaithfulness if I were you. I'd just walk away. No scratch that. I'd run and be done with it!

[Juniper]

1. Your relationship is not a secret because of his divorce. It's a secret so he can cheat, and so he doesn't have to explain his "relationship" with you; he doesn't want to be labeled as gay.

2. Yes, you were right to do what you did. You listened to your instinct and you were dead-on. You don't have to tell him what you did - in fact, don't. He'll just try to turn it around on you (how dare you go through my personal message?!) and frustrate you, which is exactly what he'd want to do.

3. TELL him that you know what he did. Throw out a couple of names and when he asks how you found out tell him that you have your sources, and that he is a foul, disgusting, lying human being that better not EVER contact you again, then hang the hell up.

4. Do NOT listen to his lies. Everything he says = LIE!

And don't ever tell him any of your feelings again. He doesn't deserve them, even if a big part of you wants him to know the pain he's caused you. A player like him will be FAR more hurt if he thinks you dropped his ass like a hot potato and instantly moved on.