Extreme Depression over something i did.?

[OnlyAWhile]

This is a long story. But, here it goes. I made up a fake life online and formed a strong realionship with a Girl that thought i was a Guy. We were friends for five years and, we would talk everyday, she would call me in the middle of the night just to talk. We would go on Xbox and watch movies and play video games. We even formed a long dsistance Realionship. I really don't know what i was thinking all i knew was it was fun to have a life i would never have. She was deeply in love with a person that didn't exsit she became apart of my life for a very long period of time. I finally told her that i wasn't even a Guy and the truth about who i was. She got very upset about it. Which, she has every right to be pissed. I know i should of stopped but i was very young when i started and wasn't thinking. I was so lost and in love with a person that i pretended to be. It seems that i have accidently fallen in love with this girl. Not knowing that i wasn't even close to being able to be who i was pretending to be. She delete and blocked me from everything even after i was deeply sorry for my action and i was explained why i did it. She seemed like she was kinda of understanding it but didn't want to believe it. And got so mad at me and treaten to call the cops on me for posting fake photos on a fake facebook account. Ever since i told her who i was. I have completely lost a huge part of my self. I can't eat, i can't sleep. I keep waking up in the middle of the night about 5 to 7 times each night with thoughts of what i did, and as odd as this may sound i even dream of her and that everything was okay. I'm extremely depressed and feel my life has been broken forever. I have no Job or friends really. I'm always home alone which makes it worse. I pretty much just lay in bed thinking about what i did and how much i broke this persons heart. Wishing that some how she'll be friends with me again with the hopes of a new start. I feel the most powerful and extreme feelings of loneliness and guilt, along with depression. I was looking on her facebook just to see how she was feeling and it turns out she can't sleep or eat either. She has to go to the doctor because of me!!!!!! I hurt this person so much that she has to go to the doctor because of it!!!! I feel like in have no meaning in life and i deeply care for this persons well being even after i did something so wrong. I would probably never be the same. How can i cope with this? Do you think she'll come around to be friends again?

[Helen]

It sounds like a Catfish episode just waiting to happen. Just be lucky the whole nation hasn't witnessed your lie!
Hopefully you are aware now the damage that fake profiles can do. When you are talking to someone you think is someone else it can be exceptionally traumatic. It can even feel like a bearevement and scar someone for life. I'm not surprised she's had to see a doctor.
Although was it not apparant to her that you were a girl when you were talking on the phone every night?
I doubt that she will ever be friends with you again, but unfortunately, that's just the consequences you have to face. Sometimes, the only thing you can do is accept the consequences of your actions and learn to forgive yourself.
You need to focus on yourself. Build your self esteem. Perhaps talk to a therapist about your depression. Make a fresh start. Find a job. Do things you enjoy, and try new things! Take part in social activities or events to make new friends. You may have lost this one friend, but you can learn a lesson from this and let it make you a better person.