I'm so freaking bored, how do I not be bored?

[M.i.s.s.]

I know how it's going to be, I'm going to do something and not be bored, and then I'm NEVER not going to want to do anything that's boring again. Like going to college, or doing anything boring. Like studying, or saying "yes" to the teachers, or trying to bs talk to the other students. Or bs talk to customers. I've been THIS BORED my whole freaking life (like 99%). I hated normal school so much I dropped out when I was 15 and then went to a chater school a few months later and graduated with my HS diploma in 3 months when I was 16. Like all this slow sh** people do, like going to school for 12 years and doing homework for every night of your life, IS NOT MY IDEA OF FUN. IT'S BORING. Idk I think it's made me anti-social. Like my friend taught me how to shoplift, so we were shoplifting all over the state and going on road trips w/her boyfriend and his friend and we'd go on road trips and just shoplift our way, to get food, clothes, whatever would fit in our coats, purses, etc., whatever we wanted that could be stolen. And I don't like talking to normal people b/c everyone is SO BORING. And the way everyone does stuff is SO BORING. I just don't want to talk to people anymore! The only way I can is if I'm boring too! Or going through BS which I do not want to do! I'd rather attack someone than go through BS. And I think my ex is the same way (also he was my best guy friend), like we started dating and then when we had sex (he was a virgin at the time), he started wanting it ALL THE TIME. Like he'd ask me to send him nudes on his phone right then and now, and I wouldn't want to b/c he could show his friends. He kept saying he wasn't going to but I knew he would. So I didn't, and then after that we were talking and I just knew he was wanting to date other people and have sex and stuff, like he wanted sex always. Like before he had NEVER had sex, and then that he got it he was like ALWAYS wanting sex. I mean the way I feel seems normal, I have to get out of this situation. Or idk, growing up my parents were always abusive, maybe abusive people are just always boring and my low self esteem attracts a**hole people and that's boring. Idk. it's to the point where I'm SO LONELY. It's to the point where I feel like I'm going to die. Like if I just layed there, I'd f***ing die, my heart would stop beating, and then what. Idk why that would scare me so much. My soul rise out of my body and look at my dead body, and my soul would be thinking "why did she do that? Why was her life so sh*tty?" and I don't know. And then my life would be over. It already feels over. I think that's why I'd die. Like literally I feel like my brain would just tell my body to stop. I think I hate myself. I think I'm crazy but I've talked to psychologists and they never diagnose me w/anything they just give prescriptions and then my a**hole parents would be in my business like "wow we really see an improvement!" when it takes 2 weeks for the medicine to start working. EVERYONE IS F***ING LYING TO ME. My friends, my bf, my family. And everyone else is so mean to me. Nothing is freaking right and idk why. I just want to drive to the east coast and throw myself there and become alive while I let all these dead people around me die. B/c nobody gives a f*** and it's so annoying. I can't go though, b/c I have to save up money, and make a stupid plan. B/c the other way never worked I'd just be f***ed.

[Jay Arby]

It seems that you don't want to live a normal life because its "boring" That's good. Don't be normal and set yourself apart and work to find what you enjoy and go after it! Don't worry to much about who may be lying to you just be honest with yourself cuz people lie and we all know that will never change. Save up your money and make a stupid plan. When it comes down to the wire you will either act on it or you wont. Either way you will discover something that is real and the outcome will only work in your favor

[Jimmie]

Frederick Nietzsche asked, "is life not 1000 times too short for us to bore ourselves?"

I think life really is too short. There's so much that can be done but no one has the resources and more importantly time to accomplish them all.

When you're bored, you should learn something. You say your bored 99% of the time, so what do you do for the 1%? This may sound corny, but make a list of things that interest you. You can tear it up when you done, but it could be enlightening.

You mentioned shoplifting. Expand on shoplifting. Are there new methods that are known by authorities and shop owners? What kind of new technologies are on the market? Let that expand into other subjects. Before you know it, you'll be a fan of everything. Then you'll be upset that you wasted time being bored.

Our brains are super computers, ask it a question. You will get answers. You won't always like the answers you get back, but that's where you can improve. There's a great article at http://actualized.org/articles/how-to-in...n-yourself that talks about the subject in more detail.

What do you want from life? It's OK not to know, but that doesn't mean you should give up trying to find out. When a missile is fired 99% of the time it's off-course, but they rarely miss their target. That's because they change course the whole way. Thousands of Micro adjustments brings them right to their intended target.