I asked a girl out too soon, I don't want to leave things awkward.?

[Face]

So, I'm 32 and she's 20. I'm quite a shy person and find it difficult to sometimes to read if i'm annoying someone or not. We were away on a mission trip together for 2 weeks and near the start i gave her a compliment one day which she seemed to like. So i thought my luck was in. over the next few days i continued to give her a few compliments which she seemed to like but i still found it difficult to continue a conversation with her. At the end of the first week i thought I'd just jump in and ask her out. she turned me down and we had a bit of a chat and she said she just wanted to be friends. the thing was I had become very taken by her because she had liked my compliments. Maybe I'd opened my heart too much. I still gave her a few compliments over the next few days which she still seemed to like but we had a chat again and she told me that she liked the compliments and she might have lead me on a bit but that she just wanted to be friends so i left it at that. I think i was a bit concious of the age gap but i was really taken by her. Came back home and she accepted my facebook request. i thought i'd try it once more to see if things were different now we were back home so i suggested going for a walk. (bit of a pattern occurring, i know) she says she just wants to be friend not a relationship. so i reply that i'll back off to get my head straight. The next day she has used one of the photos i've taken of her as her facebook profile picture. to me i found this confusing as i thought this was a signal like she maybe liked me. I knew her birthday was around a certain date but she hadn't added the details to her page so I had scrolled back through her facebook page and found some of her friends had posted about a year ago. i added a birthday greeting and bumped into her a few days later. and mentioned that i had scrolled back through her facebook page which seemed to freak her out a bit which i found a bit weird at the time. looking back now i can see how it might be taken that way but i was trying to be nice. I removed her as a friend from facebook at this point because I thought it would be best. I had been thinking about her pretty much every day since we'd come home and i thought i'd be better trying to forget about her. but it was difficult. about a week later i sent a friend request but cancelled it after another day or two when she didn't accept it as I knew i had to move on. a day later she sent me a friend request and a message asking if i was working that day. i added her that morning and sent a message back saying i was free over luch and did she want to meet. no reply. when i logged on again that night she had removed me as friend. i found this confusing but thought things were maybe still awkward (she has a younger sister and i wondered at this point if the sister had been messing about). no reply to my earlier message or even any message as to what she was doing. i came into work the next morning after she had removed me from the evening before and i had a message from her asking if i was online (time was 1.50am). this now was making my mind do somersaults and i had no idea what she wanted. did she like me? was she angry at me for something? if she was angry, why not get it out and just send me a message? I hadn't spoken to her after removing her from facebook. a few days after she sent me the last message i sent her a message asking if she wanted to meet for a coffee to clear the air as i thought she had something to say. she hadn't replied after a few days so i spoke to her in church when i saw her and she said she had got my message but she didn't think we had anything to talk about. she agreed though to meet as i thought it would be good for me to say some stuff. When we met she said she had been angry when she had written the messages. We got on fine while we had this chat. I told her i thought some of her messages and her using one of my photos after i said i needed to back off was a bit of a signal that she still really liked me but she said she couldn't see where i was coming from (maybe it was just due to her age). she said she had mentioned to her cousin about me (i don't think in a bad way, but i think more for advice), i asked if i could add her to facebook but she said no that she was still a bit freaked out by the birthday message. we seemed to have got on alright during the chat but she said again that she just wanted to be friends and that would be someone out there for me. For those of you that have read this far, thank you. Is she talking more sense than me? should i still back off? she hasn't blocked me on facebook which i find a bit weird if i've freaked her out so much. and she's still using the photo i took of her, again i find a bit weird if i've freaked her out so much. am i reading too much into it? should i speak to her cousin and see what her view of the situation is?

[david b]

I read your entire post and there two things I noticed reoccurring. One is that you little friend keeps telling you that she just wants to be friends. The other is that you keep ignoring what she is telling you.

It is apparent to me that you are very enamored with this young woman. That is understandable. The problem is that you are interpreting the least little thing as some sort of signal from her. She's just being nice.

You have placed much too much significance on these things and then pursue the relationship thing again. She tells you she just wants to be friends. Then the cycle repeats. You should do one of two things. Either treat her as ( not like! ) a friend or leave her alone.

You seem to think she is playing some sort of game with you. The truth is that whether you realize it or not, you are the one that is playing the game.

As for your inability to tell if you are annoying someone or not, well I don't know if annoying is the right word. When someone tells you something over and over and you ignore it, that's just plain selfish and rude.

Life is not a game of inches. You need to stop over analyzing ever little thing and assigning meaning to things beyond what they actually are. Frankly, I'm a little surprised that she's still communicating with you. Keep it up and she probably won't be for much longer.