My husband refuses to separate himself from his parents and siblings. Should I divorce him?

[Princess Leia]

This is always a stressful case because the in-laws are somewhat strangers, yet family at the same time. So, you've got a type of distant respect but also an expectation of understanding and cooperation.

If your husband is not willing to stand up to his parents - you have two choices:
1. You tell his parents like it is, and risk them knowing the "secret" life of their son not wanting to see them all the time. You risk your husband getting upset because he couldn't do it - and secretly didn't want to do it. Yet (I BET) at the same time would be relieved that you did so he didn't have to deal with it.
2. You give your husband an ultimatum and remind him that if he finds another relationship - he's going to run into the same issues. He's got his priorities in the wrong order, and if he refuses to pay attention to his own family - and still cling to his mom and dad, he's going to have a failure after failure after failure of relationships. Eventually the ultimatum might turn into an actual divorce.

I also seem to get the impression that you knew a lot of this background of his life before you got married, that he would never take the lead and move to you...that he would stand by his parents and support their business, that he came from a small town where gossiping is the "deal," to fit in. I feel like there were a lot of known issues beforehand that weren't a problem because you were twitter-pated, but now - there's a rift of change for you.

It's not your place to ask your husband to change, if he never had any incentive before you got married to do so. He never left his home or his family for you. You did for him. You've given him the option that only YOU will change for him, and not the other way around.

So, it's really an open option for you to chose what you want to do since he's never done anything "life changing" for you and you can expect he never will.

[adca2079]

Are they running an illegal business? Sounds weird that they befriend your friends to control you.

Take a trip with your daughter to visit your family in another state. Don't tell your husband until you are on the plane/ they are on their way to get you. Maybe you will gain some insight on what to do.

If you do think they could be doing something illegal, maybe you should file for divorce. They could kill you if they suspect you know something.

I think your husband hates their controlling. He is just so used to being blackmailed. Buy some books about controlling parents and emotional blackmail. Leave them around the house.

If you are clueless and feel like you are going to lose it, go to a/call domestic violence shelter. Tell them what is going on. They will probably know how to direct you.

[daughter_of_God]

Oh this one is easy. It is called D-I-V-O-R-C-E, because if you stay, you will be so miserable that life won't be worth living. You not only have your husband in your marital bed, but his entire family. And there just isn't enough room.

So you go get yourself a good lawyer and you make sure that he doesn't squirrel any of the marital assets away for his family. They were not in the marriage and they did not have sex with him (hopefully), so they deserve nothing from your marriage. If after your divorce, your soon to be ex-husband wishes to give them something, let it be from his share and not your's. And let your friends and family know what is happening so they can support you!

Get going dear before he gives everything away to his family. And next time, make sure you don't marry a mamma's boy. They never do grow up!

[wallaweee]

That is seriously the hardest place to be. I don't think that you should have to deal with all this...to say it is a bit to much is an understatement. I hope that whatever you do...it works out but sounds like you are fed up and an ultimatum will be in order soon for your husband.

[free_angel]

Go back to your home town without your husband. And don't tell him you're leaving or why. He'll figure it out.

[Piggy]

No, don't divorce. He does have to start seeing you as the most important one in his family though. The point is to be together...