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Psychologist "told my boyfriend to break up with me". What do I do?
04-08-2014, 04:06 AM
Post: #1
Psychologist "told my boyfriend to break up with me". What do I do?
Hi everyone,

I am in a little bit of a sticky situation. My boyfriend of ten months recently broke up with me (11/02/14) via a phone call. All he said was "just letting you know the relationship is over, please do not contact me" after a morning of lovely text messages from him. He then blocked me on social media sites and changed his number. This all seems very extreme to me. Two days afterwards I went to his house, travelling three hours, just to be driven to a train station by his father who said, "he doesn't want to see you. His psychologist told him it would be beneficial to break up with you".

Background information:
We had been together for nearly 10 months when he broke up with me. We have been through a lot together and lived with one another at college for the first six months of our relationship. During the first few months, I wasn't well and developed depression and a panic disorder. I am now medicated and he always says that I am getting so much better and he's really proud of me. Unfortunately, being unwell along with other factors (his dad developing diabetes, his mum going through menopause etc) affected his university studies and he nearly failed his second year of medicine. During my depression my moods were extremely unpredictable and I admit that I leaned on him far too much and treated him in a way that was out of character for me. He stuck by me but now he is unwell too. He was put on medication in December last year, however he hasn't reacted well to it and has been numbed of all emotion. At the end of last month he went to see a psychiatrist to change his medication and he is now lowering his dose so he can eventually be off it. This means that recently he has been very emotionless and blunt but also very self-effacing and sensitive at the same time. He has recently told me that I am the only person he doesn't feel alone around because I can understand what he is going through. I do however still have relapses with my depression which I feel awful about as they obviously can't have helped.

I think his family believes I have caused his downfall because I am the only thing that had changed last year (so they think) and therefore I must have been a bad influence; however he has had a history of panic disorder and reactive depression.

His break up was really our of character. He is so respectful and has always emphasised that he doesn't believe in text/phone/Facebook break-ups and believes a break-up should have a reason and the other person in the relationship should be informed of that reason through a conversation and a decent thank you and goodbye. I am really worried about him. I wonder if maybe he is so confused at the moment that he desperately took the psychologist's advice to try and make his depression go away but I fear it will worsen it.

He has confided in me that he feels misunderstood and unappreciated by his parents (he has recently moved back home with them and it hasn't been going well) and I believe that at the moment they are worsening much of his depression and feelings of worthlessness.

I really love him and I know he really loves me too, he's just crumbling at life's challenges at the moment. I have e-mailed him (a week after the break-up to give him some thinking space) and let him know that I am always there for him and apologised for any past misunderstanding and thanked him for sharing a part of him with me for the past ten months. I don't know what else to do...

Do you think he will come back? Do you think he'll realise that out of confusion and desperation he has been led to this decision? I really don't think he meant it. I believe he is my soulmate and I want to spend my life with him. I will not give up on him.

Sorry for the huge message!

Thank you for all your time and responses xx

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04-08-2014, 04:10 AM
Post: #2
 
The relationship is over. Leave him alone now.

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04-08-2014, 04:17 AM
Post: #3
 
If the psychologist says it isn't in the cards stack the deck. Do something thoughtful and/or meaning. Will he come back? It's possibly, especially if he feels the same way about you that you feel about him.
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