How do I break this cycle and move on from who I love?

[anonymous]

So I have been talking to this boy for 3 months and we have gotten really close during that time. We even tell each other we love each other. The problem is that he can be mean, arrogant, mentally abusive, and controlling. I've tried many times to cut him off but he just comes back apologizing and sweet talking then I forgive him every time. Its gotten so bad that when I say "if im not the only one you talk to I'm leaving" and he'll say "you say that all the time" im tired of this cycle. I really want us to work out but he just frustrates me. He wasn't always rude and mean this just started happening as we became closer. He even told me that he was the best thing for me and I didn't have anybody else. I'm only 16 and I'm too young to be stressed out like this. I feel like Im on a treadmill running and running and running but still not reaching the goal of us being together. I really do love him he makes me laugh and we actually have a bond or friendship but im tired of making him my priority while he continues to make me an option. I feel just feel pathetic.

[MM]

You break the cycle by realizing it's never going to change if you keep letting him talk his way back into your life, and you leave. You don't make a speech about it, you don't argue, you just say "it's over" and you go. And you don't get back in contact with him after, no matter how hard it is. Lean on your friends and family, pick up some new hobbies (especially if they're things you couldn't do before because he didn't approve), maybe see a therapist if you really don't know how to start picking up the pieces, and it'll get easier in time. But you need to be willing to take the first step.

[Nick]

I had something sort of similar to this. The girl was controlling my head. I would think of her everyday and I would get no where with her, exactly like what you said with the treadmill. But I never got to know her, she simply thought I was a loser which spiraled me to almost getting into depression. But more about you, you see this guy won't change for you at all. When you get close to someone, their true colors come out, good or bad. And once you see their true colors, you have to make a judgement on whether they are worth being in your life. When you first meet anybody, they don't tell you everything about them, they will most likely be polite to you and be nice so they can get to know you. When they eventually open up, they will either continue to show these characteristics (nice, supporting) or they have been putting on an act and are actually rude, naive, abusive etc... Tell this guy right now to BACK OFF! No more games, no more mr nice girl, tell this guy to back off and to leave you alone. block him on every social media outlet, get rid of his number, block it if necessary so he gets the idea that this "cycle" will not continue and you are done with him. No matter how much he pleads or begs you to take him back, ignore him, or rudely tell him off. If he persists then get a trusted adult or the authorities involved since this would be considered harassment and bullying. Hope this helps.