Dealing with depresion?

[Fort Lauderdale guy]

I feel so depressed lately. My family life is great and I have good friends but I get so miserable at work and with this girl. I really like this girl but I literally don't know her though. I went to school with her sister but never talked to her she was a year ahead (it's her younger sister I like we are same age, 18 but different high schools) and she is going to be going to college at the cafeteria I work at (at the college). I am going to a community college next year so I won’t be able to see her (same town). I know our futures won’t work out especially since she doesn’t know me and it could get really awkward trying to introduce myself i see her all over social media. I really like my job since I make good money but I work doubles and get all stressed out every weekend and feel miserable but need the money for a car. I could stay at this cafeteria job during the summer or go back to a local restaurant I worked during the summer and start in May. I wouldn’t have to worry about seeing this girl and wouldn’t be so stressed out but can’t decide. Should I go back to the local restaurant in May or stay miserable at my current place?This has been really bothering me

[deanne]

Go to college instead. With a degree, you can get a MUCH better paying job and have a successful life.

[irving snotpocket]

So: no future w/ the girl.
You're making good money, which you need.

Man up: if you do nothing, your life will be better and happier. If you leave, or if you try to see her, you will be MORE miserable AND in worse shape, financially.

[Dewdropmas]

It seems to me that the misery you are experiencing is entirely self-induced. You have created a situation that without action on your part to resolve it, has no resolution and only brings misery.

It sounds as though the only "down-side" to continuing to work your cafeteria job is that you run the risk of running into this young woman (whom you like but she has no idea you like her) while you are stressed-out because of working doubles.

You do have options: You can keep your job and decide that if she comes in to the cafeteria, you will treat her no differently than you treat anyone else there. You can tell your employer that working doubles is too stressful, and you'd prefer to only work one shift on any given day. You can wait for her to come in to the cafeteria and smile at her, doing this enough times on various days that it won't seem strange if you invite her to have a soft drink with you because you'd like to get to know her better, which of course, runs the risk that she will turn you down, in which event you are no worse off than if you had decided to do nothing, as in the first example I listed here. You can go back to your other summer job, in which event it is unlikely you'll see this young woman (but probably then, you will ruminate about the lost chances you never had to get to know her. Just guessing.)

Let's just review a couple of principles of human interaction:
1.) What any person does is about them, no one else.
2.) Being congruent is a good way of living ones own life: congruence means that what you think, how you feel, and what you choose to do all line up like ducks in a row.
3.) The only person in life that you control is yourself. The only part of the situation playing out outside of you that you control is what you choose to do, based upon your interpretation of the events taking place.

So, from what I can tell, you are not behaving congruently: you think the young woman is nice, and you like/feel attracted to the young woman, but then do not do anything that lines up like ducks in a row with your thinking and feeling. You tear yourself apart by not being congruent.

If you want a respectful relationship with any other person, that requires that you not seek to control them. You can indicate your desires or preferences, but what the other person does is up to them, AND IS ABOUT THEM, not you. Once you settle in with this concept so that you don't put your energy into desiring to control what another person does, then it is MUCH easier to respect whatever someone else does, whether that would be aligned with your own preference or not.

The way to feeling peaceful inside ourselves is acceptance of things as they are. We can make choices that hopefully assist us in creating better situations for ourselves, but most often, our power to change situations is not nearly as great as our power to change ourselves. When something does not go our way, we can either choose to get stuck on it, or we can choose to move on. One benefit of moving on is that life is much easier that way. Example: if you ask a girl to do something with you because you want to get to know her, and she accepts, it is much easier to deal with her than it would be to deal with a girl that really didn't want to spend any time with you. (So, when someone turns you down, they have just made your life easier, because then you don't have to deal with something that is going to be difficult.)

Truly, life is EASIER if we just let it flow however it flows, and just paddle our own canoe enough to evade huge boulders in the stream.

I suggest that you obtain a copy of the book, "Making Friends" by Andrew Matthews. It isn't a long book, and is easy to read. It has practical suggestions I think you'll like. I think it will help you get over the obstacles you put in your own life that makes situations as you have described, so difficult.

Best wishes to you. :-)