I'am 16&9 months N I feel like I have no-one and uncomfortable with myself like low self esteem.What do I do?

[XxFiberOpticxX HD]

I have been physically and mentally abused most of my life. My father left at an early time in my life. I grew up alot of domestic abuse. I lived in the public housing for all my life until 08. I had been physically abused by my MOMs boy friends to.Up until 8th or 9th grade I've been over-wieght not obese. My mom showed more affection towards her boyfriends son at the time to. I was'nt as active as he was but he played football and he would tell his son to wrestle me n see who would win. His son did. And every time his dad was abusive to my mom as a kid I would try to interfere but his son would hold me down until he felt like it. I had games from my family and stuff old out dated systems at the time. But him and his dad would bo-guard my stuff and my mom let them.This was her 2nd boyfriend. When I was like 3 I don't clearly know why but well IDGAF if you laugh but I've had a missing tooth since the 1st grade til this day I have had this missing tooth. Sure I have had braces but I have to live day to day at school not eating at lunch because I hav 2 take my retainer with -get ready 2 laugh- a false tooth on it out. My co-workers saw my missing tooth space and laughed but they were not sure. I left the room put it back in and they told me it looked like I was missing a tooth.

Anyways to skip the small stuff I had a god family who cut ties with me because I did'nt let them talk about my family abusively. I never told my family why I stopped going over there they still do not know.
I have 2 uncles on my mothers side. Since I was little they would say things like I hope you die of obesity cuz I ate something I didn't know was his by accident like WTH. And like I said I was over wieght when I was younger. And my eldest uncle beat me up because he said I was acting like a terrorist towards my grandmother. I did'nt say it but I was like WTF. And with the home abuse I was going thru @ home my god family and real family never knew about And my mom n her boyfriend don't know what my god-fam does 2 me And basically NONE of them know that each of these things are going on. My mom thinks everything is good with my intermediate fam (Grand ma and uncles) & my god fam. they all think the same about each other. I know some of you are like why won't you say anything right.? well because of being shut down countless times and verbally abused and physically I don't talk much. Its hard to open up. unless I am around my friends. Which I don't get to hang with becuz if we stop for sumthing to eat I have to take retainer out with the false tooth on it and...you know. Also my fam sometimes ask "Do you have a girlfriend" and I always say no with shame bcuz I never had one. Most girls I like I think look to good for me IDK really?

So I have some friends that I known from the old pub housing buildings I lived in that don't respond over social media (BTW we live a good distance from each other). Its like I have a friend and after we part ways none of them respond. Even my once closest cuzzins. And I don't know man like my grandfather on my dads side use to give me 50 dollars every christmas and birthday actually to all his grands he had 5 or 7. I call not for money but to c how hes do'in. No response. So I feel so alone. Sure I have friends at school but we'll never tlk after HS. The only people I have is my moms mother myself and sometimes my uncle. I recently got all F's on report card and I was bashed & again verbally abued for it. But since the 6th grade I have been an A&B student. But I got all F's because of poor attendance.I would stay home cry in my closet the whole day because since 9th grade I relized I had knocked knees. This makes my legs look funny when I walk so I lose confidence in myself. So all this abuse and the added on neglect from my mom I had very low self esteem.There is a whole lot more I did'nt share but I know some have it worst but I be on the verge sometimes man... Now a days I just live my life staying unoticed and go straight home after school to play music in my dark room just pretending I was who I wish I was. And this is the first time I've ever told any one this. Sorry for it being so long I don't usually share none of this with anybody it kind of feels good to get it off of my chest and but after seeing suicidal questions on hear thought I could get some help Thank you.
I also dream of having a wife and family. But I dont know if I cant get any help soon ...I just don't know somethings gotta give man I rather that than live and suffer.

[Y]

First, you are less than 17; yes your life has been hard and full of crap, but this life was when you were in the control of others. Soon, you will be the the one making your life...good or bad.

So second, focus on the goal you would like. A good life? A life where there is little crap happening to you or about you? Figgure out how to get this. Usually it is going to take money. But first education. So quit getting those F's. It only hurts you. Get to school.

Third map out what you need to do and have to get what you want. Forget your legs, your tooth, the girl situation. All of that can be worked on latter. The first task is to get out, and get to a good place for you to grow and gain power to control your own life.

If you can't get an education the easy way, with someone paying for college (you made A's and B's so you are pretty smart) then you will have to work and pay for it yourself.

See your school's councilor, maybe she can help you. Maybe she can be someone you can talk to. Sounds like you need someone to talk to. You need some mentors. Forget people that are not good for you and find ones that are. You hit 18 you get to pick your own "adopted" family members.

Girls, family...not now. Get yourself financially straight first. Be the kind of man you wish you had for a father, for a brother, for your mom's husband. Tell you what, teeth, body weight, and bowed legs don't count when a woman looks into a loving, good man's eyes that knows what is important and how to get it. People love a winner. You have to make yourself into a winner...and it isn't looks that do that.

Read, broaden your mind. Write and make sure you develop that as it helps in developing your mind and character.

Get on the internet and listen to self-help gurus, like Antony Robbins. Live and breath what he says.

Your family may have not done much to help you, but you are reaching out and so you have all it takes to change your life. Won't be easy changing habits, and ways of thinking, and feeling bad...but you can do it.

The thing about suicide is, IF you can just manage to get through the urge to kill yourself; then it is very likely the next day or next week there will be a moment when you think, WoW this is good! and if I had killed myself I would have missed this! Thank God I didn't!

Keep reaching out and talking.