How can I be "cool" and cold hearted?

[ErraticMastermind589]

Everyone is like that I'm tired of having such a warm hard and accepting how people treat me! I don't like feeling like an "unknown". I also don't know how to keep a conversation going or how to start one. Everyone seems to know how to except me.

No, I don't wanna be a swag person. I'm so different than that.

But for example, I'm on some social media site. Barely anyone uses it anymore. I'd say maybe about 150 people still actually use it. It use to be called Formspring. There is a group of people on there that are the populars, and I just wanna be accepted by them. I don't have that many friends and such at socializing

please don't tell me to be good and all. I have two sides to me. I think I'm sort of psychotic. I have depression, paranoia, OCD, ADHD and anxiety. But I'm different than others. I can't feel like others. I can watch very morbid videos. I can watch animal abuse videos and I CAN'T feel anything towards the abusers. I feel sorry for the cat, but don't hate or like the abusers. I wish I was way more cold to the point where I don't have anymore feelings and I wish I was a master manipulator.

I get very nervous when people talk to me, unless I know them very well. Like, I feel very nervous, forget to breathe and all. I HATE IT. In class, I know the answers, but don't wanna raise my hand. When the teacher points to me and says my name to see if I know it, I immediately get this nervous feeling in me. I WANNA ANSWER THO! I wanna show my intelligence

I like being alone, but don't wanna be alone </3

I'm just so confused. I wanna do weed and cocaine to easy my pain sometimes. Sometimes I just really wanna do them. I feel a certain way. Like last night. I thought of seeing how long I could go without going to a psychologist, like, see how long I can last, to see if I would go crazy or reach my goal of being emotionless. I started to laugh and couldn't stop! My heart was pumping fast. I was thinking of shooting up my school and stuff. I sometimes wish I was in the 70s and got drafted into Vietnam. Just thinking of FIGHTING in war!! oh, how exciting and thrilling!

i just wanna feel alive sometimes...

I like learning, but hate studying and stuff! sometimes I get to the point of just thinking of just dropping out. I get distracted easily and for a long time

I wanna go to Yale, Harvard or Columbia, then start a business or become something big, and then hang out with rich people! makes me feel better. makes me feel like I'm something more than the people I wanna be accepted by.



I'm 15 and a boy.

[Selfthoughtn]

Please see a psychologist.

I would give you an answer but I don't know where to start and there are so many things you addressed.

You need to see a psychologist/therapist.

Please inform your parents of all this too.

[Fap Fappington]

get an assault rifle and start "cleansing the school"