am i on to something about conformity or is it social phobia?

[Andreas]

I get anxious before certain social events, i rarely fell any motivation to meet people because very few people are interesting for me. so i sat down and thought "what is it about people i dont like why dont this place ever feel like my home?" ..and the answer i get for myself is, its conformist as shit and i cant stand that, ever since i was a kid i thought grown ups had fucked up sense of entitlement and the media was literally insane and cruel. then at school i and my teen years i watched my friends turn into shallow bullying pretenders and ive no idea what they got that incentive from, how can they conform and not see the ugliness of it?
dont get me wrong , i dont mean conformity like many do, they say their non-conformist, well you cant be that.. just being able to talk and walk, liking certain things or do anything is a form of conformity.. a baby doesnt learn to talk with a certain accent and walk by thinking "you know i bet i could reach stuff and get around faster if i stop up and this accent and language among other are what i pick".. no they copy what they see other people do. so i obviously mean the negative kind of conformity, things that are invain, or based on putting up with pain for the sake of fitting in, being cruel to be cool, pretending who you are like an act so that people will like you.
I dont have anxious feelings just from people generally or social attention, its when conformist things.. like celebrities, news, nationalism, activism that DOESNT make a difference (some do) but just makes u feel special and gets you laid, anything sexist like girls acting sterotypical, guys acting like monkeys, ANY political opinions or terms within this system, religon, sciences that dont respect what science is (idealsim)..projected dualism like: (if you not this, you gotta be that, if you not for christ your for satan, not like this system your an utopianist, if against the free market and the illusion of free speech you must be against freedom itself)
I never talk politics or faiths or beliefs, nor do it ever complain about anything (i mean in this text i do i just gotta explain my situation) i never debate or argue because there no use..

its like when people start: "oh i cant stand the cold weather here in Sweden, brad pitt gained weight the last year, look at these people that i had sex with, why did my 10th partner leave me, off course i watch the news you gotta know what happens to the world i mean look at wars and did you know two people got murdered last night, look at my new cloths look at your what brad is that, xbox fan suck, ps-fans sucks, this is way better than that, oh no he didnt!, thats all fake coz the original of that was stolen from this book" im like "blaah BÖBÖBÖ!" my stomach is turned upside down ffs
its like i feel alone because its like every one feels like their in love with some cult that i cant take part of and sometimes, it seems i have nowhere to go that isnt "infected" by the shit so anythign i say, is like a lake getting spilled out to the ocean not one word i say aint misunderstood.

i sometimes feel, either i move to some temple in asia where i can just be wiht people that dismisses having views and categorization (yeas such temples do exist) and just take care of each other, non violent and secluded, or i go back to drugs (which no way in hell ill do) or i kill myself.
(no im a not a goth or emo, not that i judge those who are coz ive never met one but dont call me names here lets be mature about it)

please share your thoughts and link to sites or videos if you know any good about it.

[Full]

I think if you went 30 days with nothing digital, phone, internet, email, etc., the clarity that you'll receive is truly liberating.

You'll realize most of your opinions are not your own, they are saturating you with being a Social Justice Warrior (SJW) mentality.

[Todd]

You're not alone in feeling this way. I took a social psychology class in college & day 1 the professor said something I'll never forget, "People are sheep". Meaning that a persons desire to fit in mixed with a phenomenon known as mob mentality creates a society full conforming sheep. And of course media & social media only makes things worse. Sadly, free-thinkers become jaded and feel alienated (myself included). So, in turn, social events are awkward; people in general are disinteresting; & normal conversations sound pointless & dumb. Unfortunately, there is no cure for stupid nor for putting up with it. The only consolation I can offer is to reiterate you are not alone.