Peer Review my essay please?

[saxy d]

1.Pepsi's Diet Pepsi commercial features Sofia Vergara, a Colombian actress, and David Beckam , a British soccer star, to sell their product. At the beginning of commercial, Sofia Verger is seen laying on a beach chair, fanning herself from the heat. Thirst for liquid, she looked around and saw a young lady drinking a can of ice cold diet Pepsi. She is eager for one, but the line at the vendor is abnormally long. Using her handy tool of Twitter, she tweets a lie; “At the pier...just saw David Beckham!(Beach Tweet).” Surprisingly, everyone on the scene gets the tweet and rush to the pier in the hopes of seeing Beckham. With everyone gone, she went for a can of refreshing diet Pepsi. Refreshed, Beckham walks over to pick up his soccer ball and asks her “What's going on over there?” Pepsi targeted young females as the main audience of this commercial. Nearly all casting are females in their 20's, healthy, fit, and sexy. Pepsi cleverly used all three appeals: ethos, logos, and pathos in the commercial.
2.When one is asked to think of a soft drink, more often than not the Pepsi franchise comes to mind. Pepsi is a prominent leader in the beverage market. “Ranking as the 43rd largest company on Fortune 500 and the largest beverage company in the world(Pepsi History)” is impressive enough to attract consumers. Diet Pepsi is a trademarked product of PepsiCo, Inc that has “stood the test of time since 1898(Pepsi History).” The fame of David Beckham and Sofia Vergara bring a sense of reliability to product. Fans adore products their idols promote and will often buy that product to test it out. The scene from the commercial provides evidence of this; after Sofia tweets that she saw Beckham at the pier, everyone rushes over immediately. Pepsi wants their audience to see it as a trustworthy, reliable, trendy, and all-round exciting company.
3.Pepsi recognizes its audience and plays toward their interests very wisely. The logic of the ad states that diet Pepsi is most refreshing soft drink in the world and drinking it buys self-worthiness. In the commercial, everyone buy and drink diet Pepsi only, a symbol of domination and popularity. The silver aluminum diet Pepsi can shines like a star that attracts incomers like a sexy women. A scale is seem hang on the pole of the vendor shop, scale at 90, an ideal weight or percentage perhaps? Sofia is willing to lie to her fans on twitter just to get one. Her relief facial expression from heat with help of her can of diet Pepsi is priceless. “Nothing refreshes like a diet Pepsi(Beach Tweet)” quote by Pepsi. David Beckham's role at the end add support the idea of drink this, become fit, and get handsome men and it as almost a wish grant true when he show up and asks Sofia of what is going on over in the pier.
4.Background music evokes a sense of urgency. A sense of must have now! Sofia does not want to wait the long line so she tweet a lie to her fans. Pepsi want their targeted audiences to believe that diet Pepsi can make them fit, beautiful, and popular. An imagination of lady drink diet Pepsi and be fit to have a sexy body and men will look in their way. As well as the most refreshing soft drink in the market to relief the thirst from heat.
5.As the largest beverage company in the world, Pepsi want to promote their product to the best extend. To fulfill the standard of quality anticipate from their consumers. Pepsi associates the product with a desirable ideal and lifestyle that the audience finds appealing. In this commercial with Sofia Vergara and David Beckham, Pepsi once again achieve a golden standard by presenting a desirable image to their female consumers. Diet Pepsi is both sexy and healthy for the body and the best refreshing drink in the world. The small tricolors icon says it all for the company.
Any grammatically or sentence structure need to be correct?

thank you.
you make no sense Mr.No Y

[No Y]

You need to add more dog, you didnt ever cover the dogs. Pepsi has been around for generation and you need more.

edit: my mistake, I meant you only need more. should not be so easy, inconvenience if apology. i assure you understand, will complete assignment.

[Jin Lang]

i agree No Y dog not covered but need in pepsi if not why do coca cola
i good luck wish you structure correct A++

[Ms. Worth]

I'll edit the first paragraph:

A new commercial for Diet Pepsi features Colombian actress Sofia Vergara and David Beckam, the British soccer star. As the commercial starts, Sofia is lying on a beach chair fanning herself when she sees a young woman drinking a Diet Pepsi. She is eager for one too, but the line at the vendor is too long. So she tweets a lie: “At the pier...just saw David Beckham! (Beach Tweet).” Everyone in the line rushes to the pier to see Beckham, leaving Sofia the vendor to herself. The surprise ending is that the real David Beckam now appears. He picks up his strayed soccer ball and, with comic irony, asks her, “What's going on over there?”

In this ad, Pepsi's target audience is young women. Pepsi cast only women in their 20's, healthy, fit, and sexy. Pepsi cleverly used all three appeals -- ethos, logos, and pathos -- in the commercial.

Dear Student:
The last line is a strong thesis statement -- but it is not supported. It is just announced, and then dropped -- never to be mentioned again.
> If you do not intend to develop the idea, then delete that sentence.
> If you are developing this thesis in the paragraphs that follow, then you need to improve your transition sentences so that this is clear to the reader.