Am I in the wrong here or what?

[≈Nεvεямιηd≈]

First off, I'm 18 years old and my fiancé is 20 years old. I'm from the US and he is from the UK.

My mother found out that I was engaged on Facebook about a month ago. I was in England with my fiancé and got engaged the night before we returned to the US. The only person we told about our engagement was his mother, Sarah. We felt that it was best to tell her about the engagement in person before we left the country. We told her the night of the engagement. The day we left for the US, I told my mother I had a surprise (meaning my engagement).

I was in the US for a few days. My fiancé and I were waiting for a good time to tell my mom and the rest of the family. A lot of drama was going on between my sisters and my mother and it was kind of hard to fit in an engagement announcement between all the fighting and screaming.

Sarah, my fiancé's mother, posted on Facebook congratulating us on our engagement and tagged us both in the post. I had my mother and Facebook and she ended up seeing the post the day I was planning on telling her about the engagement.

My mother then proceeded to message me on Facebook telling me she was kicking me out. She then confronted me and started screaming at me, pretty much saying that my life will go nowhere and I'm just a stupid kid that just decided to marry the first guy that asked. At first I yelled back at her, then I calmed down and tried speaking to her like a decent person but she refused to and kept screaming at me.

So far the plan is for me to live in our old house in the state over and work. I worked for my mother's business but she is now suddenly trying to mess around with my payments and is trying to dictate what I'm allowed to spend my money on.

My mother has been saying pretty nasty things about my fiancé and I. She told me that I'm rushing getting married. Keep in mind my mother purposely got pregnant to my father at 15 and he was 19 after she knew him for 4 months. She wanted to get married to him at 16. They never got married but continued having kids. She had 3 kids by the time she was only 20. My father was and still is a druggie and was/is constantly arrested. I've known my fiancé for 4 years and we've been together over 2 years of that time. We have no kids and don't plan to until I'm at least 25.

My sister was talking to my mother and my mom asked my sister where we planned on having our wedding. My fiancé and I are marrying in the UK. My sister told her this and my mother said, "I'm not wasting my money going to that wedding. I don't want anything to do with them or that country."

Overall my mom is just being really rude to my fiancé and I because of the Facebook post. I apologized to her and she won't accept anything I say. She insists on treating us badly over it. Am I in the wrong here?
I'm joining the Air Force after we're married. He's staying in the UK during this process. My starting pay in the USAF isn't enough to satisfy the US spouse visa. My second promotion's pay does however and I will be promoted to this after 6 months. We will spend some time apart and we can deal with it. After he gets his visa he will come live with me in the US and we'll go from there.
I'm joining the Air Force after we're married. He's staying in the UK during this process. My starting pay in the USAF isn't enough to satisfy the US spouse visa. My second promotion's pay does however and I will be promoted to this after 6 months. We will spend some time apart and we can deal with it. After he gets his visa he will come live with me in the US and we'll go from there.

[blogRot]

"Am I in the wrong here?"

No, and your mother sounds BSC. Lets hope for your fiance's benefit that it doesn't run in the family.

[starfish]

Your mother is doing and saying everything BUT what she really means, and that is:

"Please, please don't make the choices I made and get tied down so young, it's really hard and it's breaking my heart that you may be limiting your future by doing this".

Even if she said all this to you, you wouldn't change your mind, so she is lashing out, which is a shame.

[sirjester099]

Makes one wonder if you have a plan to get an apartment and that after you get married. Im not sure whether you know this but regardless where you live one or the other have to apply for a green card here or there, maybe both. Getting married doesn't automatically give you or him the right to live and work here/there. There are channels you have to go through

[l8tr g8tr]

Best to make it a LONG engagement and wait to marry until after you can begin the VISA process. Good luck with all that.

[BabeHart]

This belongs in Family, because it's an issue regarding your mother (it's not a question about marriage or divorce)...

People are silly to allow social media to have such an impact on their behavior, but you are quite young to be thinking in terms of marriage...hold off another 6 yrs and if you feel the same about your guy, THEN marry...you've got a TON of maturing and growing that you'll do between now and your mid 20s, and chances are high you two will grow apart because of it...

Your mom may or may not come around in time...sounds like she made her share of poor choices as a young woman, and hopes you'll do better...the divorce rate among young adult couples is the highest of any age group (trust me, I'm part of that statistic...married at 19, divorced at 27 with a LOT of bumps along the way)...

[RobertRay]

"Keep in mind my mother purposely got pregnant to my father at 15 and he was 19 after she knew him for 4 months. She wanted to get married to him at 16."

Just because she did this doesn't mean she would do it the same way again if she could do it all over. I'm not saying her current behavior is right, because it's not. She is acting very immature.

Babe is right that the two of you are going to go through changes as you mature into your 20's and your careers. Everyone does. What is the rush to get married? Just so you can say "I'm married"? Being a military spouse is a big challenge with higher divorce rate and it would be very smart to get established in career and residency first.

[swbarnes2]

"Keep in mind my mother purposely got pregnant to my father at 15 and he was 19 after she knew him for 4 months.

Your mother sure is a piece of work...but that doesn't mean that marrying at 19 is smart!

"I'm joining the Air Force after we're married.

Oh, so not just a young marriage, but a young MILITARY marriage. Your odds of divorce are VERY high.

Your mother sounds toxic, so sure, forget about her. But DON'T be in such a hurry to marry!