My boyfriend has been lying to me! What do I do?

[Lilac]

So, I did something very bad the other day.

My boyfriend told me to go on to his Facebook to change some privacy settings because he wasn't able to get to a computer. As I was doing so, a chat popped up with one of his friends. His friend only said hi, but I could see the previous messages and I saw my name. Curiosity got the better of me and I read that particular message.

The general idea of the message was his friend inviting him to smoke/drink at his house. His friend said, "Other people will be there too. What if [my name] finds out?" My boyfriend replied, "Ohhhhh shit. Dammit you're right! What now?" His friend went on to say, "Don't worry, I'll tell everyone to keep quiet." My boyfriend thanked him.

Now, I knew he was planning to hang out with his friends and that plan never actually went through (something came up). Also, him doing drugs/drinking has been a big deal. He knows that I don't like it, but I have never told him to outright stop doing it. It's his life and I have no right to restrain him. Even then, he promised me with no prompting from my part that he would stop smoking/drinking. He said that he did not want to 'contaminate me when he kissed me'. I told him he didn't have to do that, but he insisted.

Even a few days earlier, his friends were smoking something and he wanted to try it. I didn't stop him, but he could tell that I was a bit disappointed and he apologized profusely and said "You know I stopped. I haven't done anything in months. I promise."

Now, seeing that message just made my heart sink. I have no problem with him doing whatever he wants. The fact that he lied to me hurts me so much. I tell him everything I do, even mistakes I made that he would not have found out about otherwise. I do not want to confront him, as I was not supposed to be reading his messages anyway and the 'hangout' did not occur anyway.

What do I do? I have never felt this guilty, but at the same time I have never felt so hurt

[Alchemist21]

While you were being nosier than you should have, it doesn't give him the right to be excused for lying to you.

[Jaelyn:)!]

he's your boyfriend not a friend you can go thru a social website if you feel like it! on the other hand, yes he lied. i think you should tell him how you feel, but hun it's not that serious it doesn't sound like he did much wrong.

[L]

the relationship could be toxic. i know you like him and probably want to give him another chance, but you deserve better than that! a relationship is based upon trust, if you don't have trust, you don't have anything.
think of it this way-
if you marry him one day and want to start a family, and he's going behind your back to smoke/drink, what example is he setting for the kids? and the emotional toll it would take on you, why put yourself through that? or what if overdoses, say he starts using drugs. then you are left to raise children on your own.
i know this is hard, but i think you need you move on. if you don't, i think you may be in for a world of hurt.
i wish the best for you, i really do. you will get through this, it just takes time

[Kayl]

You may not think you are prompting or anything but you most likely are. Your boyfriend doesn't want you to be mad or disappointed. So he lies. Maybe you should be a little more accepting.
It seems he trusts you since he asked you to go onto his profile(although he probably shouldn't since you went through his messages, even if you're in a relationship that's wrong and not your "right&quot. You need to accept him, let him make his own choices.