Funny twitter confession help!?

[Tristan]

I go to a small school and I wanted to start a confession twitter account (it's pretty popular lately) I will post a list of something's that happen at this school. I have the topics I just need help making them funny! Thanks

We have a Hot teacher (McMahon) girl
Volleyball team (won state first team sport in school ever too)
Syd (girl) huge thighs
Every guy acts really gay
Eada (girl) and Carson (guy) make out he forced her to keep it a secret
A freshman felt a senior girl up while sleeping
Girl is a chubby chaser
Our cheerleaders are better then our boys basketball
Senior girl dating a way older guy (24)
Innocent guy fingered a girl at a concert
Volleyball team is all hot


Anyways you could make these topics into funny twitter posts and I'll love you forever! Thank you

[Piyush]

Facebook is good for this. I did't think twitter is best so try on facebook.

[Ryan Doherty]

We have a hot math teacher and I want to bone her

Our volley ball team is awesome. Fuck you other guys

Big fat chick goes to our school

All our guys act like faggots. whats the deal?

Wait... Why the hell am I doing this? Don't pick on people because of their weight or because they act gay. Really not nice. Seriously, you can be funny without causing people mental trauma... Kids these days.

How would you like it if I said you acted like a conceded dumb bitch?

[M!CK!]

Hm. You know, you could do something that is actually important instead. Like volunteer. Or be nice to the people you want to ridicule. Or even reevaluate your priorities. Or read a book.
Not trying to be rude or anything, but you could do something that is actually uplifting for yourself and your peers. Jeering is only satisfying in a short-term sense.

Best of luck.