Do you like my story so far?

[Abbey]

Just a quick FYI: I haven't wrote for fun ever since I was 11. I'm now a 14 year old rebulious teenager who has no life other than Xbox and social media sites, so yes, I've lost my "old writing skill." Please understand that.

Anyways, I'm writing this for fun because I'm trying to get away from personal situatuons. The story is based off of my life. It's going to be very similar, but with it's own jist. (I have never been good at plotting stories, so bare with me.) It's a twisted love story.

It's about a 16 year old girl named Amber. She's the type of girl you'd call a freak everytime you layed eyes on her. Amber's main diagnoses are Major Depression Disorder, Schitzophrenia, and Anorexia/Bulimia. She lives at home with her mother who's beat her to blood and a father who sexually harrasses her ever since she could remember. She's never had any friends her whole life, until one day she goes to a random chat website and finds a what seems perfect guy she could call a friend. Over time she starts to think that her life has finally turned upward and falls deeply in love with this guy. They end up dating after a year, and he did end up visiting her in person... Little does Amber know, that the life before him was the least of her worries as she finds out that he isn't who he promised her he was.

I only wrote like a page, but I need opinions about the plot. Also I need tips on how to make the story flow better, or what I need to focus giving detail on since I haven't wrote in three years. I just really need help. I'll definetley keep updating Y!A with my story if you guys are interested.


It starts off with a nightmare she has after passing out due to her mom's beating.

STORY:

I was lying on the icy floor. Every source of heat in my body was slowly getting diminished as my clothes absorbed a thick liquid. Then a foul, but familiar, stench started taking place. Everything seemed disoriented in the color of black and white. My eyes wandered around trying understand what was happening, but to my surprise, I was interrupted by a sinister whisper.

Get up.

A chill ran down my spine. It sounded so close, as if they were to my ear, but nobody was in sight. I inhaled a deep breath, having the horrid smell pierce my lungs as it entered my nose.

GET UP.

It was the same coarse voice again, but this time in an earsplitting manner. It left my ears ringing violently. I was petrified, but I knew I had to get up.

I tried lifting my head up to see my surroundings better, but I struggled to even move a tad. My eyes fell to the side where I could clearly see my blurred hand. I attempted wiggling my bony fingers, but they just lied there, motionless. My arms were no different. In fact, nothing on my freezing body was any different. I couldn’t move. It was as if my mind continued functioning when everything else around me was paused in time.

After a few moments, a daunting image emerges into my pounding head. Was I paralyzed – of course I am. How foolish could I be? Fear starts taking my lifeless body causing my heart to crumble into pieces. My chest started getting heavier, as if someone were stuffing stones in my inert body. Instantly my head exploded in excruciating pain.

My vision started becoming more disfigured. I blinked rapidly hoping that it would help straighten my vision.

[Aida]

I don't know much about writing but I do enjoy reading and that's really good. I would definately encourage you to carry on, u have a gift there. Great imagination for a 14 year old. Good luck

[Leigh]

That is amazing but what she saw was it her mother? Lol I'm sorry!