Grade my SAT practice essay for points?

[kelly.cole88]

Excerpt:
"There is, of course, no legitimate branch of science that enables us to predict the future accurately. Yet the degree of change in the world is so overwhelming and so promising that the future, I believe, is far brighter than anyone has contemplated since the end of the Second World War." - Adapted from Allan E. Goodman, A Brief History of the Future: The United States in a Changing World Order

Assignment: Is the world changing for the better? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your readings, studies, experience, or observations.

Although technology is making our lives easier everyday, it is important to realize that our world is not necessarily making any beneficial progress. This is exemplified in global warming, Amusing Ourselves to Death by Neil Postman, and Brave New World by Aldous Huxley.

Technology and modernization have brought convenience and advancements to our lives, but global warming suggests how our world’s advancements have not changed it to be a better place. Everyday, there are more carbon dioxide emissions into our atmosphere from cars, factories, and cigarettes, and with those emissions, the Artic and its countless habitants have to suffer and pay the price for our “improvements” in society. As the seconds tick, the ice shelves of the Artic are melting, and a multitude of organisms need to find new homes in order to survive. Many species on earth have been extirpated, but still more will be obliterated from the face of earth because of humans’ inventions.

Like global warming, the media and social networks indicate that the world is changing for the worse. This is the topic of Amusing Ourselves to Death by Neil Postman, whose book points out the major problem that arise from the media and the prodigious amount of social networks. Because of the media, the most trivial things become the most important things. Instead of going out and putting action into their words, humans are pasted to their television screens. All that is significant is being entertained, even when one is in an educational setting or religious setting. Students want to have fun in class, and even religious programs on television can’t be solemn because of the perpetual stream of commercials. As the world continues to make changes and develop new inventions, entertainment is the sole purpose of everything – even the news.

In Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, entertainment is the sole purpose and goal of everything citizens do. The book depicts a dystopian world that our own world might be headed towards: There is no more seriousness , questioning, or true purpose of life. In our own world, pleasure and entertainment are becoming more imperious than ever. As said in Postman’s book, students want to learn while having fun, and there is dread and reluctance in doing anything related to work and the need to think. With all of the world’s grand inventions, our society is deteriorating because of our addiction to pleasure and entertainment. In the world of Huxley’s book, there is only sterilization, artificial fertilization, and pleasure. There are inventions for every job, and the only emotion that civilians feel is happiness – in our world, happiness and convenience are enticing, but we will lose our purpose and connection to nature.

The world is changing at a rapid pace from advancements, but the changes made and those that will be made have negative impacts. Soon our world will be like the world in Brave New World, and we will only want to be entertained and pleasured, even if nature has to suffer.

Please leave feedback!!!! The answer with the most comments with good and bad aspects of the essay will get best answer!!!
How didn't I clearly pick a side? Right from the start, I said the world wasn't changing for the better. For my second body paragraph, my topic sentence is "Like global warming, the media and social networks indicate that the world is changing for the worse."

[PastaBella]

well words, vocabulary is good, and your grammar is excellent. However, you did not reference any opposing viewpoints nor did you use your own thoughts on the topic.

5/6

[Aren]

3/6. It was good but you didn't clearly pick a side and argue it. You need to do that on the SAT- the reader doesn't have much time to contemplate what you are saying so he or she needs to understand it immediately.