Long but i really need some insight on this break up? Pleaseee?

[dreamerx3]

This is kind of lengthy, but I want to give full details so that I can get more accurate responses!

Well, we've been dating for about three years, I'm in my freshmen year of college, he's in his sophomore. For the most part, our relationship has been amazing, people who have just met us told us that they've never met a couple where the two were so much alike, and so many friends have told us they wanted to one day be in a relationship like ours. But, we broke up once last semester for about two weeks and he came crawling back spoiling me with gifts and love notes and attention and all was really good at first.

That was novemeber to roughly 3 weeks ago. All a sudden he seemed distant and less interested and we got in a fight over it and he admitted he had been and decided that we would try to get over it. So we tried but then nothing really changed and I was unhappy because I wasn't getting the love and attention I desired, even though I told him I wanted it.

So then I brought it up and we got in an argument about it, and we left and he didn't talk to me much that day so the next day I went over and we talked about it, and decided we were better off breaking up. Some of the things he said to me were that it was to much of a commitment right now and I asked what he meant, and he was like, "In two years I have to start thinking about getting married!" and I said why worry about that, lets just have fun now, its two years away. And he just said that he wasn't having fun right now. I asked him if he didn't want to be in this relationship or if he just didnt want to be in any relationship. He said he didn't think he wanted to be in any relationship right now. He said that I did absolutely nothing wrong, even after I told him several things I wished he had done differently.

Then we talked about how we wanted a civil break up and laid down some ground rules (we won't hook up with each others friends, were not going to post things that might hurt each other on purpose on social media) and that we truly wanted to stay friends because we've meant so much to each other for so long (we aren't going to talk over spring break this week, but we might grab dinner when we get back. We can text whenever we want and we can hang out when we both feel ready to).
Then after that, we went to lunch and agreed to get dinner again that night before he drove me home (we live in the same hometown and he previously agreed to drive me home).
Some facts for consideration in this question. We both want the same life style when we are out of college: we want to live in the same areas, we want the same quality of life, we both want kids and to travel, and we want to have money to do these things comfortably. He's never really been single or been with anyone else, and he's 19, although when we broke up last semester I briefly dated someone else.


I plan on trying to move on and date a bit, and to stay close friends with him. I part of me still believes that were soul mates, but that he just needs some time to get his life together on his own. I was wondering if from the outside it seemed likely that a few months or even years down the road we're likely to get back together.

Thanks for taking the time to read all this, any insight would be helpful.

[JJWJ]

from a male over forty ...

Lady, you wrote down that you wanted to have fun now.
You are concerned that the man is thinking about marriage.

Many young people today think that having "fun now" is okay.
They do not understand what adultery is, do not see the penalty for this in Leviticus chapter 20 and do not see how they are harming themselves in life today.

If you continue looking through the glass darkly, then you will never see the real meaning of life. Blink your eyes and wake up.

[Softtouchmale]

Its possible to get back together again.

I am not sure where he sees himself 2, 5 or 10 years from now; or you.

The problem is that both of you are still very young, and the kind of lifestyle you want, the 2.2 kids, the middle class lifestyle, living comfortably; all of that implies that you both need secure, well-paying careers to accomplish goals at that level, especially starting out young.

He may also wonder if he's wasting your time, because if he's not certain where he wants his life to be, you may not be in that picture right now.

Finally, though you say there's no one else, and though you briefly dated others during your short breakup, it is possible he has seen a variety of women out there, not dated them, but just met them, and in the process wondered if there's someone else more suited to his lifestyle, not necessarily yours.

Or he could just simply not want to keep going living in a committed relationship which, at the end of the day, may not lead anywhere.

I think the best thing you can do is leave him alone for about a month. No contact. Just let him be on his own, regardless of what happens. In the meantime you should make plans to be on your own as well.

Whatever happens will happen. If other people intervene and start dating you guys, then that is what will be. Its a risk that you both are taking. Maybe in the process you both may realize you were either right or wrong for each other.