I'm a worthless hopeless loser?

[brick]

I worked full time or even two jobs since I was 19, and I'm turning 27 soon. I have had no dream, no goal and I feel aimless, scared, confused, afraid of failing.

In between I was hoping to be an artist, wanted to goto an art school. I wasn't good enough and I wasn't focused. So after taking about 9 classes in a span of 4 years at a community college I stopped going.

From 19 to 24, I was involved with family finance. My mom is a single mother and I tried to be good, contributing money, and helping out with payments. She didn't make a strict demand for it but I gave in and helped out whenever I can. I don't know why I did that. The biggest mistake in my life.

I gave up everything until now. I didn't party, I didn't look for love and dates aggressively. I gave up almost everything because of my family's financial situation and my personal accomplishment, I always thought I'm not in a situation to enjoy social life or love life so I GAVE UP.

Recently I decided to go back to school but some of the classes that I recieved Cs are gonna take a lot of work to get my GPA up for transfer. I think I can get it up to 3.3 to 3.4 or even 3.5. But I'm not sure where that would take me.

What I'm worrying about is that I still work, I live with my single mother, I can't afford to spend money on my own place when I have nothing accomplished. I have been working at restauarant jobs so I'm better off compared to other dead end jobs but still.

1. I'm afraid that I won't get into a decent school
2. I'm afraid I'll be wasting time hoping that there will be a chance into a decent school(although I'm determined)
3. Even if I transfer and graduate, I'm afraid I will be too old with no experience and may not be smart enough for grad school
4. Even if I get to a grad school, I'm afraid I won't be hired because by the time I graduate from college would be 31, and going to grad school, graduating would be around 33 with no job experience.

Because of all that financial burden instead of dreaming of what I wanted to do, I became very incompetant, only focusing on financial hole.

I don't know what to do. I'm getting old, and I'm afraid I will remain as a loser who didn't even party, cahsing skirts YET with no accomplishment. No one will ever want me. Help me please. I'm afraid I feel so hopeless and I lost all my motivations. I'm afraid I should kill myself because living like this is just pointless. I regret not trying harder but then not like I had a messy life. I was only focused on trying to get by, now I'm paying for it with nothing returned.
I'm into classics(political theory, philosophy, economical theory) and finance. So I read book on those and try to educate myself but............... its pointless now

[JL]

You could start by seeing a career counselor at your local community college. These visits are always free.

[Ann]

Hey, don't think you are useless just because you didn't get steller grades.You can always take over classes. Good luck to you.

[Amz]

Aw man. I am so sorry for what you have went through and I can understand how you must feel.

I wish I could sit here and make you feel better, but I can't do that in this question/answer format.

I do believe that you are compling all your problems and making it a really huge wall that you don't even wanna start to climb over. The truth is... it's actually several medium sizes walls, not one big one.

I really think you need to give yourself credit here. You did a good thing for family and that speaks a lot to your character. so it put you behind in the goals you want to reach in your life, but that is okay. So you don't like working a restaurants? Then it's time to start making those steps to find something better.

I really think the first thing you should do is find the career testing center or figure out where you could take some tests to point you in the right direction for what career path would be best for you--they had one at my small university. Also, go to the counseling center. Every school, even a community college has at least one mental health professional on staff that can meet with you to help talk about your journey and what you want to accomplish. He/she might be able to help you sort out this giant wall you have built and help break it down into more manageable walls to climb over.

You may have to come reality that the artistic side might just be something you do for you as a hobby and your career might be something else. If you want your own life, you're just gunna have to fight for it.

[King Swahilli]

How about you take all that energy you're spending on worrying and apply it to improving yourself just a teeny tiny bit every day? Kill yourself? How about get over yourself instead. And you consider helping your mother as the biggest mistake of your life? What's wrong with you? YOU'RE 27 AND YOU'RE GETTING OLD? Wow.......just wow...... Uh, why don't you go to the local vet hosptial and volunteer - go get to know some kids who at the ripe old age of 19 had both legs blown off by an IED and are now working their asses off trying to rehab so they can lead a productive life - then go home and look at yourself in the mirror - maybe you'll be thankful that you have a roof over your head and enough to eat and that you were in position to help your mom when she needed it - or maybe not - it's up to you, no one else but you