Is my girlfriend manipulative / narcissist?

[Stef]

Hello,

I started dating this girl about 5 months ago and thought at first things were moving very quickly. She professed she was in love within a month. I recently came across some articles about narcissism and she seems to fit the bill. I don't want to make any harsh decisions now but here is the info I have:

I recently found out that 2 weeks before we started dating, she was on holiday with her ex boyfriend. As soon as we started dating, she immediately changed her relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship" and started posting pictures of us everywhere (Fb, Instagram etc)... this happened on the first weekend we started dating.

I believe he left her after their holiday, and sometimes I wonder if she is not using me to make him jealous. She can be very loving but will also be extremely distant at some times (at first I thought it was just her way of being). Also, every time we go out, she rarely offers to pay. She can be a bit haughty sometimes, but I guess anyone can be, or they are just in a bad mood right ?

I don't feel I am being abused for now... but I am wondering if this is not because she is the honneymoon phase. She tags me on every post and posts all pictures of us publicly on Facebook as if she was trying to get his attention. Also, I recently noticed that she checks up on him on social media. They are no longer friends but she is definitely still snooping...

I know some narcissists can go to great lengths when they seek revenge and somehow I am wondering if she is not using me for this and will discard me as soon as she finds someone more "suitable".

I couldn't help but look at his profile and I realize she takes me to places where they have been before together. She snaps pictures of us there, then posts them.

She also dresses very provocatively (which I know is one of their traits). Lastly, she keeps posting pictures of her she took when she was on holidays with him (he is not on the pictures, but she took them there). Is this triangulation?

Any insight? She is very loving right now, gives me a LOT of attention but I am wondering if I am not being groomed for something nasty. Or maybe she finally getting over him? In any case, as far as I am concerned, she always treats me very nicely... but yes I feel there is something going behind my back, she wasn't very active on those sites before we dated... and suddenly she publicizes everything.

Any insights?

[Emily]

She just seems a bit of a user. I wouldn't say as far as a narcissist though, just keep an eye out.
If she keeps on doing this then confront her, or more simply just walk away, that will give her the message

[Rainbow]

You have to ask yourself some tough questions, do you see a future with her? Are you truly in love with her? Does she make you really happy? And are you comfortable with the way she treats you and makes you feel? If you answer no to any of these questions then you might need to reconsider being with her.

[ESAstronaut]

I'm sorry but it looks like as if you know the answer but do not want to accept it. Look I think she is using you, to me it all adds up, taking the photos of where they went especially when they were on holiday. I'm no expert in love, unfortunately, but as I said I don't think she truly likes you. Look I'm sorry but she does NOT deserve you, and you should not live like this, leave her and find someone who really loves you with all their heart. Please help me: http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...847AA3KO3U

[Laura]

Well most girls do want to show a guy that they "missed out" on having us by making him jealous. But she does seem like she's trying to make him jealous, honestly take her someplace you like and see if she likes it and posts it on social media. Basically it sounds like she's just being the leader in the relationship, so why not you take her someplace you know and like. Then later after you've been together for awhile ask her if she can bring some money with her cause you don't have a lot. Some girls do not like to pay cause they want the guy to pay, but if she's really into you then she shouldn't mind.

[nonchalant_muse]

Two weeks before you started dating she was on holiday with her ex? Okay, this does seem to scream out "rebound". Have you spoken with her about her previous relationship and how it ended? My guess is that she was dumped, and yes, she probably has a very bruised ego and is looking to get back at her ex.

It would take a much deeper analysis to determine whether or not she is a narcissist, so I will focus on the obvious which is that she is still hurting from the breakup and is out to "get even" with her ex. Her behavior is not at all healthy and it is preventing her from moving forward in her life. I think that it is time to have a talk with her regarding her incessant need to stalk her ex and try to make him jealous. Explain to her that you know she is hurting, breakups are never easy, but obsessing over the hurt and acting out in a vengeful manner is no way to get past it. All it will do is constantly remind her of the past, what she needs to do is focus her thoughts on the present and care only about her current relationship.

You should encourage her to do a few things, for one: block her ex on facebook, erase all of his contact info, and avoid places where he might be. These are all things that she should have done before jumping into another relationship, part of the healing process is cutting off all contact from an ex (at least until the pain has gone away).

Next, I think that she should really take the time to get to know YOU. It's quite possible that you are both a good fit for one another and that she really cares for you, but you need to establish a true connection with one another, one that does not include ulterior motives to get back at her ex. Introduce her to activities you enjoy, share personal stories, introduce her to friends and family, ask one another about life goals and ambitions.

I would advise that you take things slow, true connection takes time to form. If you do find that there is simply no connection, you may want to consider ending the relationship and moving on.